I Really Hate Halloween
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I hate Halloween. I think it's gross, weird and needlessly scary. And seeing gravestones in my neighbors' yards always upsets me. But maybe I'm just missing the boat here, so could you please explain to me why I should change my mind and get into the fun?
Dear Halloween Hater,
I can't believe you didn't mention the part where you get to spend tons of money on candy for strangers and then have your doorbell ring non stop for five hours. But then again, you might be smart enough to turn off the lights, lock the doors and settle in for a Betty White TV marathon.
I think we all have our Halloween nightmares. When I was a kid, I dressed up as Sandra Dee from the end of the movie Grease. I wore a black leotard, black tights and my grandmother's wig. Did I look like I was off to a senior aerobics class? Yes. Did I look like a hot Sandra Dee out to seduce Danny Zuko? Umm ... no. And my grandmother's wig kept falling off my head as I ran door to door so you can imagine the humiliating, horrific scene.
But somehow I have pressed on and found passion for this holiday, and you must, too. Because it's fun and silly, and life is way too serious. You know those gravestones in your neighbors' yards are fake, right? Don't watch any of the gross horror movies. Instead, dress up your dog in some dumb, hilarious costume. Or grab some friends, dress up as Charlie's Angels and go fight some crime (code for "get drinks"). Or check out a pumpkin carving contest. Or heckle children on hay rides. Oh wait, don't do that last one.
Just don't take it all so seriously. Halloween and the fall season is such a fun time of year before the gray of winter sets in. Get out and enjoy it.