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I have company for a few days -- my friend K from Colorado, whom I have known for over 30 years. That's more years than some of you have been alive. WOW -- Let me pause to stop hyperventilating...there..better now.
I have some old friends, some long-term beloved pals (the longest term friendship I have is with S whom I met when we were 5 -- we are now 58. You do the math.) Because of that, maybe I can help you who are younger than I to build for the joys in your tomorrows that I have today.
Old friends -- partiucularly women friends, because of the many ways that we bond -- are priceless. K can tell me if I'm in a rut because she knows me long enough to understand what my ruts are and where they are from. We can speak an emotional shorthand. If I have made a life move that is a real triumph, K and my long term fiends will know it. They carry my history in a very special way as I carry theirs. It isn't like family -- because we are together not because of any 'shoulds'.
There is a spiritual connection, a knowing of the heart. We've seen things in each other that have not been seen by our lovers and husbands. We have had to work through the rough spots, the times when the friendship sagged or slipped a bit. But it has been very important to keep picking up those threads, ravelling together what had become unravelled, treasuring the ordinariness of a good friend.
Don't let friends slide because of the distractions of life - or even the important things in life. As important as your family is, there will come a time when you need to talk to someone who is NOT family. Someone who knows your inner workings, your encoded life.
In the blog In Your Neighborhood Mizu talks about getting together with an old friend from the 1970's.
A few years down the road she lost her first child, a baby son. She got
pregnant again and delivered a healthy baby daughter. Then I had a son
and lost my bone density. Things were fairly quiet until she was
diagnosed with breast cancer last year. We held our breath, but things
have worked out for the best. Our mutual wish these days is for good
health and days to enjoy it.
Lyndaspix speaks of her view of her old friends:
Some of you have seen me through the many tumultuous times in my life.
You loved and accepted me when I couldn’t love and accept myself. You
still love me and accept me when I have trouble loving and accepting
myself, and I thank you. Your kind hearts, your understanding and your
unconditional friendship have helped me more than you could possibly
understand. I love you.
What is this but the grace of the universe delivered to us in the arms of friends? I have learned so much about grace and acceptance from friends who have stuck with me through times that were messy, as well as times that were great. There are moments when I am sure I hear the rustle of angel wings when some of my friends pass by. I cannot imagine my life without the long term dear ones.
It takes a village to raise a child? I've got news for you. It takes a village to keep raising an adult! I love that S and I were in girl scouts together, or that when I said to my friend K "remember that night in the Cafe Nepenthes when a strange..." and she finished the sentence for me "..man walked in who mesmerized every woman there."
I love that we are all witnesses to each others' lives, taking in the details and loving them.
The bond gets better through time, my friends. Keep current with your friends. Call a few who may have slipped away a little and round them up again, even if it is a loose roundup. Don't let the spiritual treasure of long term friendship just slip away through neglect.
In Hola Isabel, Isabel talks about reconnecting with old friends:
I love reconnecting with friends from my past. I realize that not
everyone would agree with me, but I think it’s quite pleasant. I like
hearing what old friends have been up to in the years since we’ve last
spoke. I like hearing about where they work, who their married to, any
pets or kids they might have, and where they’ve
