Happily Ever After?
I have never been one of those women who believed in "happily ever after". Even as a kid I thought it always seem sad that the heroines never really got what they had hoped for, but it was assumed that it all resulted happily. The stories always tied up with a nice neat bow and I just never knew life to be that way. I didn't know too many people with happy, stable relationships, much less marriages growing up. I took that to mean that they were in general, few and far between. Personally, I haven't had too many healthy relationships. So, it wasn't really surprising that when I met my now husband, I had no deeply romantic assumtions about forever.
I was quite practical, as was he. We met on a blind date. No great swooning happened on either end. The only comfort was that he was familiar. He was nice and uncomplicated. I was honest and uncomplicated.Within the first month I told him that didn't see a reason to spend more that two years deciding if this was a forever kind of thing. I went so far as to put a time limit on the relationship, but wasting each other's time didn't seem practical. We decided to move in together 7 months after we met, mostly because we understood each other and respected the reality of not wrecking someone's credit just because the relationship didn't work. In August, we talk about marriage and it went a bit like this: "I think this could work. How about you?" "Yeah, things are good." "Like buy a house kind of working?" "Yeah, maybe a forever kind of thing." "Good, so I guess we should get married." "Yeah, that could work." All while watching tv. But, I didn't want or need more than that.
The oddest part is that when I play it back it was all so comfortable and right. Shortly after we started planning, we found out that we were expecting...twins. Without missing a beat, we seamlessly changed eveything to a Justice of the Peace, 'reception' at Hoss's and photos at Sears. Five days later we brought home our beautiful girls from the NICU.In all the chaos of that year, he was something safe and calm to hold on to.
I know this might sound like a sad story to some people on the outside, but I never felt more at ease. I didn't realize until later that I had absolute faith in him. That he had become my friend and one of the few, maybe only, people in my life that I was totally honest with. Of course the first few years were tough, but I think that has so much to do with blending into one unit and understanding each others needs. My husband jokes all the time that children save lives, mostly because I would have killed him if it wasn't for them. While a bit extreme, he's kind of right. I considered divorce briefly because it just wasn't working. We weren't speaking the same language and so much was getting lost in translation.
Fast forward about five years. I LOVE my life. We have three awesome children (I finally got my little boy). We have a nice home and I'm back in school. I feel completely loved, cherished and supported. I don't get to see my hubby as much as I would like because in this economy saving for three college educations and trying to give our littles the most opportunities possible is darned hard. He is a nurse and regularly work 70+ hours a week. (That part super sucks). But we make the best of the time we get to spend together. He makes a point of spending time with the kids and doing sweet things for me. We are still pretty dry with how we talk about the emotional stuff, but it isn't a bad thing to wake up one day and realize that not only do you love your husband, but that he is your very best friend.
I met him 8 years ago, this November and nothing about that encounter nor any previous life experience led me to believe that "happily ever after" was possible, but my life now is pretty darned close. And while "ever" isn't realistic, I think I finally understand the concept. "Happily ever after" doesn't mean that you are happy every moment, but that you will forever be happy the moment happened.