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I used to think that American party stores mastered the passive-aggressive birthday category with their Over-the-Hill line of party favors. Because what says "I really don't want to feel pressured to make yet another day super special for you" as suitably as a bouquet of black balloons and a piñata shaped like a Geritol bottle?
But I was wrong. In the bitter birthday wars, America loses. Switzerland wins with a wicked specialty service where you can purchase your beloved a week straight out of a Stephen King horrorfest. At your command, an Evil Clown named Pennywise -- just like the nightmarish child chomping clown in It -- will stalk your beloved for a week.
According to News:lite,
"Pranks include late night phone calls, leaving 'odd items' in your letterbox, and generally lurking around where-ever you go. ... then on the victim's birthday the clown will throw a cake into their face and end their week of terror."
Surprise! It's not that the giver wasn't thinking about you, as hellish minions don't come cheap -- the service costs 666 Swiss francs (about $633 US). Fear of flying frosting and a decade of sleep disruptions as reminders of the cheery event? No additional charge. Victims do need to be over 18 years old, but how does that protect me? It doesn't!
I'm all for loving experiences more than things, but partying with an Evil Clown is NOT on my life-list, and in fact a few days of stalking by Pennywise might ensure that I don't make it to my next birthday. Just in case any local companies decide to copycat the Evil Clown, some other special day "treats" I do not want:
- Birthday Chicken Dinner for Two with Captain Spaulding
- "We Wish You a Misery Christmas" getaway package
- "Mani-Pedis on Elm Street" package
Friends, I love you much too much to do this to you on your special day. Seriously, I think forcing people to listen to singing and stares while candles ruin a perfectly fine cake is torture enough. But perhaps you have differently sensibilities, or perhaps Saturday afternoon parties at Chuck E. Cheese have prepared you for birthdays with Chucky. If someone else fêted you with stalking and a cake drive-by, what would come next: divorce, breakup, revenge, delight? What would you do if you became a birthday victim of an Evil Clown?
On Deb Rox's birthday this year the delightful Casey from Moosh in Indy stood on a chair and sang to her in front of hundreds of people, which was a thrill but also terrifying enough. Instead of Clowns she prefers Eddie Izzard concert tickets and little turquoise boxes as gifts, FYI.
