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Happy Holidays?

November 10, 2009 3:39 pm by MommyWriter in Life
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When I was a wee one I counted down the days to my birthday and Christmas.  It was great that my birthday fell so close to Christmas on November 19th.  It was like I had a whole gift season.  Not to mention I was the only child in my family (not counting some very distant cousins), can you imagine the gifts?  Thanksgiving was great too, my aunt and uncle would drive up from Pennsylvania and we'd all spend the days together....those were the good old days.

Now, just the thought if the holidays is exhuasting.  There's no excitement or anticipation to speak of.  No "Christmas Calendars" with the days crossed off.  No mountain of Christmas gifts under the tree to inspect every night for tell-tale holes in the wrapping paper.  Instead I have to wonder how the I can stretch the money in the change jar to buy gifts for my family, my husband's family and still get gifts for the little one.

This will be the third holday season with my husband (the second with our little one), and the draining house hopping routine.  Our apartment is way too small to even consider hosting the holidys at our place.  So off we go.  This is how it works:

My parents don't live far and usually host the holidays at their apartment.  My grandparents are there, my aunt, and my uncles.  The whole clan under one roof - all 7 of them.  Then hubby, little one and I make 10.  We usually stop by there first.  We smile and give hugs.  Everyone coos over how big the little one has gotten and the new tricks he has up his sleeve.  Of course I have to say hi to my little sister (who's younger than my son by the way).  We eat, listen to some witty banter; then before the seats have warmed under our butts it's time to get moving to our next stop-

My husband's father's apartment.  Usually packed, and the side of the family I'm least familiar with.  I smile politely and give hugs.  We eat some more.  My husband gets some male bonding time with his father.  His family plays hot potatoe with the baby, and then we're shuffling off again.

If I'm lucky, this is the last stop.  His mother' side of the family.  This might be at her house in New Jersey (a trip across state lines) or her mother-in-law's house in Brooklyn.  I'm more familiar with this side of the family.  We have to do the customary hugs and greetings, game of hot potatoe with the baby, and eat some more - by this time I'm stuffed and have a bog full of leftovers.

There might also be a stop to the home of a close friend of my husband's involved in all this.

Finally we go home.  We usually get a ride.  Which is thankful, I couldn't survive nother trip on public transportation.  The baby's exhausted.  So am I.  I'll be glad when the holidays are over.  

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TW
TW 6 pts

I grew up in a family that didn't do a holiday gathering THING. My parents lived both far away from my mother's family and a long day or overnight drive from my father's family. I only went to Thanksgiving at my grandparents once that I remember. It was just the four of us or five of us when my much older sister still was home. Sometimes my mother would pull in a stray or two. She started having a holiday brunch-usually between Christmas and New Year's for about 100 of our parent's friends and their family when I was in third or fourth grade. (meaning I am far better equipped to cook for 100 than a dozen.)

Then I married into a family who did the close-knit extended family holiday gatherings-Thanksgiving and Passover mostly. Oh my! Culture shock for me and really my first experience of the kids table and more. I grew to love them though.

Then we  moved far away and I sort of missed the bustle.

Then we got divorced. I then got a new extended family-a bit of a different thing. We visited the big kids father's parents and family. (The in-laws squared as my son calls them. Yes. My partner's ex-in-laws were part of our holidays.). We gathered with my partner's siblings, her mother and her mother's now husband and her father and her step-mother.

Then we moved far away and I am already pining to do South Carolina holidays. (MIL squared loves me  and gives me fudge. Partner's sister has BABIES. Partner's Sister-in-law ROCKS.) So, even though the preparations for making the drive to SC wore me out when we lived in FL and I generally had to put up with awkward family moments, a car ride with bitchy teen girl who ALWAYS had a cold and often antsy grumpy younger kids, then a hotel room that had issues.

Then some vacillating opinions on where to meet and what time. (OH please no not the crab shack. nooooo no no no please no. No olive garden either please. ran through my head every year.)

Err we are going to your dad's house when? 4:30? They won't feed us. Or if they do it won't be but appetizer stuff. Maybe we should drive through on the way.

Then there was the long drive out to the in-laws squared place. MIL squared would feed us until we burst and be super charming. She would chatter for hours about people I didn't know and wouldn't ever meet. Girl child would paint me as a paragon of homemaker virtue. (I never sound more like June Cleaver than when the youngest of the oldest three talks to her grandparents on her father's side about me.) The annual surprise that FIL squared knew my name and grew to like me I think.

The awkward moments spent with the older kid's father.  "Yes, you love your kids. They are the best thing that ever happened to you and the light of your life. Yes, I wish they called you more often. " (Thinking the phone works both ways. Thinking witchy thoughts about the fact he is talking about MY babies...the one who scarred my arm and holds my heart hostage and the one who taught me about weird looking boys being more scared of you than you are of them, who reminds me that trying (and failing) to rescue people is not limited to women, who can make my world with a smile. Yes, there is the oldest too that their father talks about-but I didn't get to help raise her. I know more of her each year and love her, but his talk of her doesn't give me as many general witchy thoughts).

But, I miss it. I miss the awkward and the wonderful. I miss being the part of a bigger family.

( http://twitter.com/thatwoman )
Retro-Food.com ( http://retro-food.com )

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Denise
Denise 11 pts moderator

I used to complain about living overseas and not having bustling, noisy family holiday celebrations.  Little did I know I'd complain just as much about having to make the rounds from one family celebration to another. That bustling around from house to house, state to state, is exhausting!

I'm older now and I think I've gotten my complaining out of the way. It's going to be another mostly quiet holiday without my extended family and I'm ok with that. I think. Maybe.

~Denise BlogHer Community Manager
Flamingo House Happenings ( http://www.flamingohouse.net/ )

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