Dropping F-Bombs on My Blog... Just to Fit My Blog Name
ATTENTION MOM AND MOTHER-IN-LAW AND ANY OTHER PARENTAL FIGURE IN MY LIFE THAT MIGHT BE READING THIS: STOP NOW. CLOSE THE TAB. JUST DO IT.
I've been having a bit of "blog name remorse" as of late. When I first thought of my blog name -- The Girl Next Door Drinks and Swears -- I was all, "Look how clever and original I am!" and now I'm more like, "Blech."
I didn't want to have the word "mom" in my name because sometimes I want to write about something else. And because sometimes, there's more to me than "a mom." I know. THE HORROR!
The whole premise behind my "name" is that for basically my entire life, I've been known as the quiet one. The one that never got into any trouble. The rule follower. The pleaser. The goody-goody. B-O-R-I-N-G. And... not entirely true.
I mean, it's not like I grow weed in the basement or go on weekend benders (at least not most weekends), but neither am I the innocent and naive girl/woman/mom that I have always been perceived to be. (People that know me in real life already know this.) I felt like this blog was giving me the opportunity to be the "real me." Also, if you haven't read up about me, I grew up across the street from the boy that I would eventually marry. So, I was "the girl next door" in quite a literal sense as well.
And then I was scrolling through the guide while watching TV the other night and saw The Girls Next Door. And I freak out. If you haven't seen it, it's about Hugh Hefner and three Playboy bunnies that lived with him. OhshitOhshitOhshitOhshit. Even more remorse. SO NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL NEXT DOOR. Oh, well. Maybe it's earned me a few readers. You pervs. And also, Welcome!
The idea was to get away from having to write about any ONE single topic. I'm pretty much all over the map. But I still somehow feel as if I've backed myself into a corner. Like I've named myself as someone that stays hammered and constantly throws out F-bombs, and that if I don't write like that then I'm a fraud.
Well, that's not me either.
Sometimes I use "the F word" in real life. But, I sound SO ridiculous when I say it. I only use it when I'm REALLY REALLY mad about something and Charming can't even keep a straight face when I say it. He literally laughs at me - even if I'm yelling at him (not that I ever yell at him) - so it kind of loses its effectiveness at that point.
I've come really close to using it in my blog a couple of times, but have backed out because I hear myself say it as I type and... I sound ridiculous. Then my Mom decides to tell me "I wish you wouldn't use it" (which of course makes me want to use it THAT MUCH MORE), and Charming says, "I just don't think you're there yet." And I think "You don't even read this so your opinion doesn't matter and WTF does that even mean?" (See, I don't have a problem with acronyms.)
There are literally MILLIONS of mom bloggers, and they are smart and clever and well-spoken and hilarious and sometimes I sit and think, "I am pissing in the ocean over here." Especially today. When I have writer's block and can't think of anything to write about other than my lack of F-bomb usage and I'm thinking about how I haven't been giving this my best effort lately and how everyone else is better than me so I should really post something even if it is shit. And now I have created a run-on sentence.
Fuck. Blogging is hard.
(Sorry, I just couldn't resist that solid opportunity.)
The Girl Next Door Drinks and Swears