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Variety announced this week that former Disney/Nickelodeon tweeny-popper favorites Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, and Emma Roberts are in talks to star in a movie about college girls on spring break. James Franco is already signed on as a drug and arms dealer the girls encounter along the way (but we’re already past the point of being shocked by anything Franco does, right?) The plot of the movie? Oh, it follows the three aforementioned college girls as they rob a restaurant to pay for their spring break vacation to Florida.
Monsieur Director Courtesy of Zuma Press
Alright, I imagine this – three girls learning about life and love with a few bikini and beer bloopers mixed in. Sisterhood of the Traveling Uggs, right? Or maybe it’s an R-rated comedy with the pitch: Imagine if we did to Superbad what Bridesmaids did to The Hangover – girls behaving badly, except this time they’re 19 instead of 33. Typical Hollywood teen fare.
But here’s the twist: the director attached is weirdo cult-favorite, Harmony Korine, director of Gummo and writer of Kids. Not exactly the obvious choice for a teen romp.
Perez Hilton speculates that the “feel” of the movie will be like Korine’s previous work. And though Perez Hilton is usually my one-stop destination for arthouse and experimental film news, I’m not sure I’d agree with the pink-haired MS-Paint-body-fluids-doodler on this one.
Somehow, I doubt we’ll see Selena Gomez (better known as Justin Bieber’s girlfriend/possible baby-step-mama) shooting feral cats with an air rifle or High School Musical sweetheart/sexting enthusiast Vanessa Hudgens huffing airplane glue.
Or perhaps we shall. Here’s a few things I’d like to see in this film:
--James Franco introduces Emma Roberts to the underground Florida gator-wrestling scene, where she’s forced to wrestle gators for money – think Michael Vick crossed with the Russian roulette scene in Deer Hunter. She outwits the gator kingpin played by the ultimate evil kingpin character actor: her own father, Eric Roberts. Emma gets an arm bitten off, but finds true love with an amputee fetishist (dream casting: Chase Crawford).
-- After robbing the restaurant, the girl gang lays low in James Franco’s crystal meth lab. When a cute dog causes a lab explosion, Selena Gomez is catapulted into space. She spends the rest of the movie convinced she's Neil Armstrong.
-- Vanessa Hudgens dies in the robbery in the first 15 minutes; the other girls carry her around with sunglasses, Weekend at Bernie’s style. The last 40 minutes is a series of jump cuts of body shots being done off her corpse at Senor Frog’s.
It’s always good to know that in times when the movie industry is more and more nervous about taking risks, there are people out there making unusual choices and young starlets pursuing projects that aren’t the fast-track to becoming the next Katherine Heigl or Reese Witherspoon.
Or maybe it’s a case of an artsy director taking on a mainstream movie just for the paycheck to fund his next dream project. We’ll have to wait and see.
