Has THIS ever happened to YOU? OH! You must be MARRIED!

If the roll is empty, change it. If it looks like it might be getting empty, change it. If you think that there may even be a remote chance that there are only two squares left, grab a new roll and (wait for it)... CHANGE it!


There's nothing quite like reaching over to find an empty roll of toilet paper after you've finished doingyour business; but somehow it happens, and it seems to happen a lot to me. So much so in fact, that I now carry a tiny pack of tissues in my purse for just such emergencies. I keep it in a zippered compartment right next to the Clorox wipes (an idea that came to fruition after an impromptu visit to a 420 Fest Porta-Potty). *Shivers*

I'm a realist. I don't expect the Porta-Potty police to be hot on the trail of some delinquent dip-shit (no pun intended) that accidentally dropped the only clean roll of godsend into a cryptic dark hole; but it would be nice if my husband put forth a little effort when he wipes us out (literally) at home! It's not hard–I swear, and it would only take a few seconds for him to reach down and grab one of the other four rolls neatly displayed on a metal pole right next to his job site. But that doesn't happen. Instead, he will use up all of the spare rolls, leaving behind a translucent pinch of tissue that mockingly waves to-and-fro in the horrendously troubled air... Preesh!

I guess guys are different that way. Maybe it's because they don't have to sit down to pee? Or maybe they are totally cool with having to shuffle past the kitchen with their pants around their ankles when they need to get another roll from the closet? Who knows–men really CAN be pigs. But that doesn't mean we should have to witness a naked six-year-old body running through the house screaming, with what appears to be chocolate pudding all over her bare ass. Especially when there's a closet full of back-up just waiting to be unrolled.

Better jump off the lazy train, Richard...  Before I swap out those fluffy white, 3-ply sheets with some of Home Depot's finest sandpaper!



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