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When the idea for a family gift exchange first came up this year, my initial response was, "Wait. I'm poor. I can't afford Christmas."
And then I thought, "OOH! Unless we did a CRAFT exchange in which we gave homemade arts and crafts to each other."
And then I laughed.
I am NOT a crafty person. Nor am I a "do it yourself" sort of person.
In Kindergarten, I took like a week longer than everyone else in creating my Valentine Box because I couldn't get the heart just right. I hated using the scissors (and I'm still not all that adept with them) and all of my hearts ended up looking like dilapidated ears. I think my Kindergarten teacher was more than frustrated because by the time I got done, we were finished with the flippin' Valentine's Day Party.
I hated art in school. On average, I took two weeks longer than every other classmate in completing my project. Half of them I didn't even finish.
In shop class, I either had some starved-for-attention, adolescent boy help me with my project or the shop teacher himself. And my projects looked AWESOME. Mostly because they were not done by me.
My problem is, I'm a perfectionist. I literally get the shakes if I'm working on an art project and things don't look like they walked off the pages of a Martha Steward Magazine. And then I get frustrated. And sometimes I cry. Or throw the project at another individual to finish working on.
Mature, right?
Which is why, in the past five or six years, I have avoided all arts and crafts projects like the plague.
My older sisters used to come home with Christmas ornament decorating ideas and I loved them... until I started working on them.
And then came the onslaught of, "I hate this! I can't do this! UGH! It's not working right! You can see the glue on mine... you can't see the glue on anyone elses'. Mine doesn't look right. Mine looks sickly. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?!"
Okay, so I was in Jr. High at the time and everything was an occasion for a dramatization, but still...
I'm afraid I might revert back to my old ways if I have to do another art or craft project.
See, I really, really, REALLY want to be Martha Stewart. But I've seen those projects she suggests in her magazine. Unless you're Jesus or Martha herself, they're not going to turn out the way they do in the magazine. EVER.
And even if they do turn out half-way decent, it means you were an Art Major with a minor in All Things Crafty. (And by the way, I hate you.)
So, my only solace is the fact that Martha actually MASS PRODUCES all of her lovely ornaments and decorating ideas so I don't have to attempt it myself.
And this rocks.
Screw the whole "saving money" thing. I'd rather buy something from China any day.
