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My friend just told me that they are considering adoption. She has two kids and has always felt that she would have three or four children. She grew up in a large family, and would love to have a few more children. However, she feels that her kidneys may not be able to handle another child. She is Type 1, and her last two pregnancies were spent feeling sick and her kidneys levels were not normal much of the latter part of her pregnancy even though she did everything in her power to check her sugars and remain healthy. She found that with her second child it was even harder to try to constantly check her sugars and she struggled being on bedrest and having a preschooler running around all day that she couldn't run after or that she felt too sick to play with. For them, adoption has become their route of choice.
As we sat and caught up over lunch with our little ones running wildly around us, she candidly opened up and talked about their choice.
Me: "Why did you consider adoption?"
Her: "I just thought it was the right way to go this time. I know everyone feels differently about it, but I couldn't handle another pregnancy with kidney problems. I've never been so sick in my entire life, and I found I didn't enjoy being pregnant. Plus, we didn't have family nearby and often I had to try to rest and take care of the kids for several hours until someone came into help me. It was really hard on our marriage, my body, and our children. I really didn't think adoption was the right route for us at first, but I really felt that pregnancy wasn't the best option"
Me: "Just a candid question. You've obviously gone through the paperwork and stuff. Did you feel that it would be harder to adopt because you already have children?"
Her: "Nope. They actually say that it's about 50/50. Many people who consider adoption actually want to have children placed in a home where there are already children and where they will grow up with several siblings. Oftentimes it's very expensive to adopt, and many only adopt one or two children at the most. Some couples feel strongly about placing children in a home where they will have the same experiences they had growing up."
Me: "I hate to ask this, but what factor do you think your diabetes may play on adopting?"
Her: "That's kind of the 'wait and see' part I guess. Our counselor didn't feel that it would play much of a factor in someone wanting to adopt to us. You go through a medical exam and you often have the chance to meet with the parents before hand to talk to them. I've been healthy and have always taken good care of myself and had very few incidents over my lifetime. I don't really see it being something that should stop me or anyone else from allowing me to adopt, but I guess we'll wait and see."
Me: "How long did they say it would take for you to be placed with a baby?"
Her: "The average is about a year and a half. Some have shorter wait periods, others have longer. Some wait just the average. It depends on who you go through too, I'm sure."
Me: "It was never a struggle when my nephew came to live with us for six months, but he was family. You already love him and have developed that bond. Do you think it will be different for a child you don't know?"
Her: "I'm sure that the process will be hard at first. I worry about not having an immediate bond with the baby. But they have great resources nowadays and plenty of classes to help us out. I think for me the bonding time might be longer than the bond I had with my own children, but it will come and I don't worry about it."
Me: "For me, there were a lot of times I actually thought how lucky my nephew was. How lucky he was to have so many people who loved him. And what a support group he had. Friends, family, extended family. There was always someone there for him--whether a letter or phone call. I thought it would be hard to have so many people involved, or I might feel jealous at times of the love he got from other family
