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Rita Arens authors Surrender, Dorothy and Surrender, Dorothy: Reviews. She is BlogHer.com's senior editor.  Her parenting anthology and BlogHer'...
 
 
 
 

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He Sees You When You're Sleeping: The Elf on the Shelf vs. Jesus

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I was stuck in the Milwaukee airport when my former manager told me about Elf on the Shelf. Apparently it's taking America by storm, one watched family at a time. The elf, it seems, watches the children for acts of kindness during the day and reports back nightly to the North Pole. When the elf returns, he finds a new perch and resumes watching. Amy of Wade's World nails it:

It's like a Santafied version of bribery.

And apparently, it works. My manager was so excited she practically shook as she described her girls' expression when their elf made his holiday debut last year. Ashlie from Mommycosm is an EOTS evangelist:

My kids named their elf Murray.  I love Murray with big, puffy hearts and stars in my eyes.  He's magic.  Not just because he flies back to Santa (almost) every night to report on the kids' behavior, but because he WORKS.  My kids are completely paranoid that Murray will report their naughtiness back to Santa.  This little creature is able to scare them straight in ways well beyond my rock star parenting skills.  I am golden for the next 26 days.

After fifteen minutes of hearing about the elf, one of my former co-workers e-mailed his wife from the airport and hooked his family up. I found myself hesitating. At first I thought it was because moving the elf around every day would be a lot of work. Then I heard my mother's voice asking, "What would Jesus say if he walked in the room right now?"

And I realized that was it. I thought it would be too confusing for my daughter to be watched by both Jesus and an elf at the same time. It's hard enough to explain religion without adding in the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, Santa and the Disney Princesses. Though we don't have a home church at the moment, we pray before meals and every night and talk about faith and right and wrong and compassion and guardians on a regular basis. While I don't want to go so far as to guilt-trip the child to death with dogma, I do want her to develop an internal compass. However you learn right from wrong, you need one, and we've chosen to let Jesus be the face of What Is Right. How could I add in an elf?

When she asks about Santa, I answer tersely and change the subject. We tell her we schedule meetings with Santa each year to go over her short list but put ourselves in charge of updating him. We remind her she has to be good if she wants to be recognized for her behavior with presents. But I come right up on a lot of Santa stuff without totally throwing down. I know and respect that many people celebrate many different things in December, but we celebrate Jesus.

I don't publicly participate in religion now the way I did when I was growing up. We attend church sporadically. My daughter isn't playing a cow in a church Christmas program or singing carols in a church choir. Our lives are not as festooned with the outward trappings of the faithful as my parents' lives are. So why do I still resist the Elf on the Shelf? I'm a different sort of Christian, right?

Some welcome the replacement. Kelly at Mocha Momma writes of her childhood nativity scene:

Here was a reason Jesus couldn’t be out, according to my parents and it didn’t have to do with the fact that he hadn’t been born yet. It was because he didn’t have a bed. That’s right. The baby wooden Jesus wasn’t outfitted with sleeping arrangements. That was left to us children. My sisters and I all had to provide the bed for him with straw. Because of the manger, don’t you know? There was a bowl of straw next to the entire birthing party that was there for us to begin building a place for Jesus to lay his head. There was a trick to being “allowed” to put a piece of straw out for the bed: we had to do something good.

That's the part that has me stumbling. Kelly nailed it. Even the most religious families maintain a connection between behavior and an unseen and present-bearing entity. Many of the posts I reviewed while researching this post were branded as Christian blogs and going on about the elf. Why am I so conflicted?

I'm not

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thehecticeclecticgirl 5 pts

to get kids to truly appreciate the "faith" portion of Christmas.  I mean, my kids could tell you what Christmas is really about, but all of the OTHER gets in the way for me as an adult, so I can imagine how much chaos is in their little minds!  We embrace Santa in our house, but also try to stay somewhat focused. 

Lots of their friends have the elf on the shelf, but I do not see him making a visit to our house anytime soon.

Jean

http://thehecticeclecticgirl.blogspot.com

jonnymommy 5 pts

I agree that it can be hard at times to balance the view of the world and a belief as a Christian. I wouldn't get the elf either because I think it puts some fear in a child that isn't needed. If it is done in fun then that's OK. At the same time, i want my child to know about the real reason of the season. HE's only 3 so I allow him the fun of believing in Santa (I did too when I was young!) and I won't tell him there isn't a Santa. I'll even give him a gift from Santa. But I also want him to know why we give gifts and that it is not just about getting..it is about receiving the best gift of all....Jesus....who died for our sins .....

And Thus endeth my sermon! :-)

Jonny Mommy

Mother of one; wife of one; owned by 1 dog and three cats

mizzjenny 5 pts

From her Teaching a Stone to Talk collection of essays. ( http://www.nextreformation.com/wp-admin/general/di... )

That said - Santa and his crew have always been able to check up on my kids through the smoke detectors.  I'm just saying.

The Circus is in town! ( http://www.threekidcircus.com )

NoReturnMom 5 pts

My kids are only 1 and 2, a little young to respond to an omniscient elf anyway. The Santa card has been a convenient card to play with the oldest this month, but I highly doubt it will help teach him to be a better person. We're not raising them in a specific religion either, but try to make points about right and wrong/naughty and nice in regular conversation all year long. Above all, I think the best way to promote good behavior is to model it ourselves.

Deb

www.spawnocalypse.com ( http://www.spawnocalypse.com/ )
http://twitter.com/noreturnmom

el e e 5 pts

I tried to eloquently express how I feel about this post, earlier, but scrapped it, unable to form the thought precisely. I'm both a Christian and an Elf-on-the-Shelf person, and find no conflict.

My friend and fellow blogger said this the other day ( http://greggdigressions.blogspot.com/2009/12/belie... ): "I have long-maintained my right, as well as the rights of my children, to believe in Santa Claus. I think encouraging belief in those beloved and good symbols surrounding the season in which we celebrate the birth of Our Lord help us to give our children believer's hearts..."

and I think maybe the same can be applied to the Elf. For me, it's more 'magic' for the Santa story (and my kids love looking for him every morning!). We love it.

el-e-e :) happily blah-blah-ing at hello, self ( http://www.helloself.blogspot.com/ )

Houseonahill 5 pts

Very interesting and thought provoking post!

My approach to parenting has been truth. Truth to the point of blatant, hurtful, honest truth. It has worked in this househhold. And so, I never did the hole "Santa" thing, though when they were little they had trees and presents. There have also been a few pics in Daley Plaza with kiddo on the knee. So as they grew ( raised a step-son from 18months ), there was never - "oh gosh, what happens when they realize there's no Santa - mommy did not tell the truth". Now I must admit,  I had a much harder time with the "Tooth Fairy". It started as a joke, and then somehow kiddo really began to believe.

Anyway, I don't much "get" the whole "Elf" thing. Promoting honesty and accountability all the time seems like a much more simple thing without, like most of the moms said, having the elf and threats of not having Christmas gifts. 

Hopefully we will spread peace and goodwill to all of mankind throughout the year ~ without the help of Santa's spy!

Houseonahillorg

www.Houseonahillorg.blogspot.com ( http://www.houseonahillorg.blogspot.com/ )

www.HealthierHappierHouseonahill.org ( http://www.HealthierHappierHouseonahill.org )

JennaHatfield 10 pts

We don't have one but not because of a religious inner conflict. I don't want to pony up the cash for the real one with the book. I'm cheap. Or, to make myself feel better, I'll say that I'm thrifty. That said, my friend's mother found them one, complete with the book, at a yard sale. For fifteen cents. That's a win.

Back to the religious inner conflict: my husband and I have never had a problem separating the two issues. Christmas is when we celebrate "Jesus' birthday." It is. Hands down. Santa is a separate bonus to the day. Jesus doesn't bring presents because our reward with him is an inner, eternal reward. Santa brings presents because of the legend/story/whathaveyou of Saint Nicholas (see, religion).

We have an Advent wreath that we do every day, sometimes with a religious based activity, sometimes with a holiday oriented activity. We start out with an empty plate and we place hands on which I have written the acitivites every day. We talk about Advent, Christmas and Jesus while doing these things. Participating in the daily event is not based on who was good and who was bad. It's just what we do.

All of this aside, I think that your post proves that you are thinking hard about these things which, in the end, will benefit your children. Even if they follow your path or choose another, your thoughtfulness as to how to approach these things will show them not only love but other important values. Thumbs up all around.

That said, if anyone finds an Elf on the Shelf for fifteen cents, pick it up for me.

@FireMom ( http://twitter.com ) from Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com )

cagey333 5 pts

 Yeah, I mentioned this as well on my site and there is most certainly no Elf on OUR Shelf.  Bah.  While I am sure my own kids would like their own little elf, it just struck me as taking the whole thing too far.  A little yellow-bellied snitch he is, to be sure.

Kelli Oliver George

http://rancidraves.blogspot.com/

http://abooblog.blogspot.com/

Leslie Madsen Brooks 5 pts

I don't want my child to feel as if he's being surveilled or as if we don't trust him and need a fake elf to report back to The Man. Creepy.

I understand your comments on Christmas, too.  We're not Christian, though my husband and I were both raised as such, but we are--and I don't mean this flippantly, though it's going to sound that way--fans of Jesus's philosophies.  So that makes explaining Christmas kind of complicated--since we do celebrate it, albeit in a very secular way, not in a birth-of-a-divinity way.  Fortunately, at age 4, the little guy doesn't need much explanation.  Still, we expect him to live according to certain moral and ethical principles, and if in the future he doesn't live up to them at Christmastime or in any other season, there will be much discussion with him.

Leslie

BlogHer Contributing Editor, Research and Academia ( http://www.blogher.com/topic/research-academia-edu... )
My blogs: The Clutter Museum ( http://cluttermuseum.blogspot.com ), Museum Blogging ( http://www.museumblogging.com/ ), and The Multicultural Toybox ( http://www.multiculturaltoybox.com )

marymac 5 pts

Just wrote about Santa's chief tattletaler yesterday!

http://www.pajamasandcoffee.com/?p=1311

Love it!