He totally cares about your shoes. He just doesn't *know* he cares about your shoes.
by Liz Rizzo

There's a thought process that goes like this: Women dress for other women. Because men don't notice or care about your shoes. Or your earrings, or your outfit, or your purse, or your makeup, or your hair... Oh, no! You are doing it for yourself and your sisters. It's got nothing to do with him.

I call total BS.

Oh, a man who says this certainly *thinks* it's true. Unlike your female friends he may not notice your new shoes. He probably won't complement you on your beautiful earrings or perfectly dyed hair. He doesn't understand why you need a variety of shoes to go with the variety of women's clothing for various situations. No, he lays it all on you and your vanity and your female friends and your personal love of the shiny.

And we're complicit. I hear women say it all the time.That women dress to impress other women. Because men don't see or appreciate.

I call Total BS, and I Can Prove It.

Because I work in the entertainment industry where we create film and television. You probably watch or at least have watched some film and television. And you know what shows you like and what you don't. You know some shows leave you cold, while others turn you on, make you excited or happy or sad or moved or simply drawn into the story, whatever it is.

But if you're not in the industry you probably don't see the lens length and how that effects your experience. You may not be conscious the same way I am conscious about the editing choices. The color choices. The shot design. The film stock. The sound edit. The sound mix. The directorial and acting choices. You see them, but you don't *see* them the way those of us in the business of making shows see them.

If I was the filmmaker and you met me, you probably wouldn't say, "Was that the Red Camera? Wow, your crane shot was really well done."

But you would know if the film moved you, and while the screenplay, the story, the content, is absolutely the most important part of what you perceive about a show, all the other elements are interconnected and integral. You can't make a good show without them. And a great show requires that almost all of the elements are great.

I don't care how much you're drawn to the story, if the sound's bad, I guarantee you, you won't even make it through.

So your man may not say to you, "Are those shoes Franco Sarto? They work great with that dress!" But if you're his type, he will know that you're hot, or earthy, or sexy, or simple, and that you appeal to him. He doesn't see the elements, but he sees and appreciates the show.

He just thinks that that's who you are. He may not even realize that you have ten different people in your closet.

But most important? As much as I love it when other filmmakers complement a specific shot or directing choice I've made, or ask me about the camera or the crane shot or any of a million other wonderful filmmaking details that are the absolute joy of my life, at the end of the day, most filmmakers don't make shows for other filmmakers.

They make them for the audience.

Your girlfriends may notice your shoes, and that's fun, but for me, I care a heck of a lot more about how my presentation effects my man (when I have one), even if he doesn't realize how very much he actually does care about my shoes.

~

Linky goodness:

What to wear on a first date - from everybodyisugly on Chictopia. Super cute article with some great tips. Love her theory on lipstick.

What to Wear for Men: Casual & Romantic Date - from Nicholas Morine on Suite101. I loved this article so much that I couldn't resist including it here. Something to forward to your male friends who feel uncertain when dressing for dates.

First Date Wear - a quickie from QueenMAB on Fashion Breakdown. When in doubt, wear these shoes?

~

Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess and loves her burgundy Mary Janes.

Submitted by Liz Rizzo (view blog) on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 7:16pm

Comments

 

He Said Yeaahhh, I Like Those

I agree.  My hubby used to try to tell me that he didn't care about things such as this.  Next thing you know, he comments on my earrings, "because you wear different ones when we go out, so I wanted to see what you're wearing".  Then most recently, I showed him a pair of boots and asked if he liked them, "Yeaahhh, I like those." with a dreamy look in his eyes.

Yes, they notice things!

~Mia.

My blog is General Hysteria~

Submitted by MiaHysteria on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 19:57
 

Love it!

Any man who loves the boots is a keeper! ;)

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess.

Submitted by Liz Rizzo on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 23:37
 

Completely agree

And I never bought into the whole - you dress for your girlfriends thing either.

I don't think you can group all men into one category but generally men can recognize when "the whole package" is put together well.  

As a side note, wouldn't it be worse if guys were always noticing?

I remember being totally annoyed by a sloppy guy who informed me that he hates it when girls wear a dress over jeans, and he also didn't like the high collars with short-sleeves, and on and on... it had me mentally pondering if my current outfit was offending him too. sheesh.

Submitted by KatieBeez on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 01:20
 

Some peeps...

Are just crazy! Sloppy guy who's picking on *your* clothes? Has control issues, right?

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess.

Submitted by Liz Rizzo on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 08:22
 

I agree with Katie's "whole

I agree with Katie's "whole package" comment - I think many men may think "She's sexy" or "She's looks beautiful" and not really understand why.  I think they just pay attention to a certain body down below part that say "I LIKEE!"

I must admit, as a newly-single mom now reimmersing herself into dating, I've been paying more attention to 'detail' when it comes to my appearance.  I rarely ever wore earings, never painted my toes, despised bulky jewelry like bangles and bracelets.  But when i date, I cover all the bases, JUST IN CASE he notices and appreciates such things.  I feel like I'm playing dress-up with the kids:)

And as for my $20 sandals from Payless - hopefully he'll be focused on my painted toes:).    

Submitted by Delaine Moore on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 08:37
 

Attractiveness, Not Label

Guys are definitely affected by what women wear.  I wrote "How To Dress Your Girlfriend" back in June, after I had had a discussion with women at a party, who were basically split on whether their boyfriends were CAPABLE of buying clothes for them.

The fact of the matter is that guys know what turns them on and what turns them off.  It's that simple.  There's no differnce between a pair of black designer label boots and a pair of payless shoe source boots that LOOK exactly the same on you.

That's where a lot of women get tripped up... thinking that just because something looked good on the mannequin, it's going to look good on them, too.  It doesn't work like that. :)  Depending on YOUR body type and YOUR personality, putting the same clothes on different women is going to have drastically different effects.

So, yeah, in general, what guys can tell is whether you're making yourself look more attractive or less attractive (to them) by what you chose to wear or how you got your hair styled.  Of course, it makes a difference, but it's still subjective.  A lot of guys like a woman in sweatpants and flannel shirts instead of dressed up in expensive clothes that looked nice in the magazine, but just doesn't 'work' on the woman that bought it.

~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com

Submitted by Bill Cammack on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 04:47
 

I like that you called it our "presentation."

Because this new guy I'm seeing? Someone I think I really like? He told me just a few days after he met me that he likes my presentation. That's the exact word he used. When I asked him what he meant by that he said, "You overall. Your beauty. Your refinement. Your intelligence. Your flirtatious personality and wit. Your presentation."

Yes, those were his exact words (received via text message and saved by me because I thought what he said was beautiful). Nice, huh?

Personal blog: Zandria.us
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness

Submitted by Zandria on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 18:13
 

WHY ARE WE OBSESSED WITH SHOES? I MEAN, WHY
SHOES?

I totally agree that men, in general, respond to the overall "presentation" or "package" more than a specific element of our appearance.  But why ARE we so obsessed with SHOES as a gender?  I mean, scientifically, what's the deal here?  It's an undeniably global obsession with shoes.  Why shoes?  I just watched a very funny video about female stereotypes that are true over at WEtv.com:

http://www.wetv.com/blogs/love-letters/2008/11/female-stereotypes.html

I find this particular blog, "Amy vs. John" at WEtv.com consistently amusing.  They give SOME advice, but mostly they make jokes that a lot of their readers (especially commenters) just don't get.  I think they're smart and funny.

 Anyway, why shoes? 

Submitted by djones826 on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 10:00
 

Shoes

Delaine - It's nice to get prettied up, right? I hope your dates have the sense to not only notice (because they do notice), but to verbalize a compliment as well.

Bill - I agree, it's not necessarily about the money spent or the individual item, it's about looking your best however you can accomplish that.

Zandria - Love. It. :)

djones - Seriously? I don't think most people are all that obsessed with shoes. I think that's completely made up to the point that now it's the easy joke and/or easily understood shorthand.

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess.

Submitted by Liz Rizzo on Tue, 11/18/2008 - 07:07
 

Shoes

I love Shoes and I buy them in great quantities and the funny thing is most of the time I wear my running shoes or sports wear, but if I go out you bet I am dressed up to the hilt, and I love doing that.

 I just figure a guy that would want to be with me will like that about me. I also think that when I did work I sometimes dressed for the girls, I know what they like and what will bring out a comment from them.

Some of us were into vintage clothing and when  any one would show up in a new vintage outfit it was a conversation for sure!

Mary

Submitted by mtodd1956 on Thu, 11/20/2008 - 19:03