Tragedy & Loss – Dealing with Grief

Sometimes I feel like it would be better if I never read the news or the headlines. Maybe then I wouldn’t be bombarded with all the horrible tragedies and loss that have been affecting the world, specifically surrounding my city of Seattle. Last week I could not turn off the television as I watched the news unfold about the KOMO 4 News helicopter that crashed on the street outside my former office building....more

Into the Deep Blue - My Rebirth

Into the Deep Blue...more

18 months

It’s the day before the eighteen month milestone following the accident of my forever five year old son, James.  Everyone thinks they can ‘imagine’ what it would be like to lose a child but I can promise you that reality always takes on a foreign form.  In my mind I was sure I would shrivel up and wither away if I lost any of my children. I was so sure I would simply stop existing....more

The Peppermint Plant

My oldest son was my father's first grandchild.  From the first time they laid their round, deep-set eyes on each other, it was love.  They understood each other.  Even as a small baby, my son was as content to be with Grandpa as he was with me.  Grandpa loved that baby with all his heart, and felt as if he had been given a chance to do all the things he couldn't with his own children.  When he was a young man, supporting a large family, there simply wasn't the leisure time to take long walks with babies in strollers.My son worshipped his Grandpa.&nb...more

Your Guardian Angel

Dear Delilah,I’ve mentioned the roller coaster that was the few weeks leading up to your birth. Today is the anniversary of one of the lowest points of that ride....more

The Message in a Bottle

A blogger friend of mine, Cardiogirl, posted Tony Curtis packed one Percocet; I’d take a Hershey bar and a pair of Converse low tops.  The post was about what was placed in Tony Curtis’ casket, and ...more

Unhealed: An Introduction

Ten years ago, when I had the first of five miscarriages, I didn't know about blogs and I'm not sure online support groups even existed. I didn't have friends who struggled with infertility or lost babies. I grieved hard and long and mostly in secret....more

would you have a carwash to raise money to bury a loved one?

i have been noticing lately in the small Central California town that i live in, that  there are lots of carwashes going on. you know the kind that raise funds usually for a sports team or some kind of trip that the highschool band is taking. those are pretty much the norm in any city, especially here in California. but in the last year i have probably seen close to 60 carwashes that are being held to cover funeral expenses for someones loved one. i actually participated in my first carwash of this kind a few weeks ago....more

Remembering My Late Husband: Holding My Head High Through Grief

There was a night in the hospital a couple weeks or so before Bob died when we were talking, I was crying, he was rubbing my hair, holding me, and asking me what I was afraid of most. ...more

I remember what a shock it was to realize I was a widow, a realization that came many days after ...more

Forget Me Not.

He should be eighteen But will remain forever nine The little boy with the laughing eyes And the mop of curly untameable hair Caught forever in endless days of childhood A chance word A song on the radio It catches me unaware Reopening a wound that has never fully healed My heart screams in pain And I am hurled once more upon the jagged rocks of memory. A phonecall in the night My sister's tears Her mumbled words Her grief rends the world I hold her tight Yet cannot touch her...more