In the Heat of the Moment
What do you want more than anything else from your lover?There is a good chance that what will turn you on the most is his undivided attention on you!
Does your man zone out during love making? If he does, you may feel an immediate disconnect, which is a big turn-off. More than any other time, you desire your man to be conscientious of you when he is touching your bare skin. When your man is attentive, noticing your needs and your responses to his kiss and caress, you feel the ultimate connection. When fully present, your man will help you feel safer because you can sense his heart and intentions.
You’re responsive to his level of attentiveness because your heart and emotions are senders and receivers of detailed information you can’t necessarily see with your eyes. Your senses are heightened when you and your partner are close together. Energy is exchanged as your field mixes and merges with his. It is a beautiful feeling, and allows you to reach a deeper knowing of each other than in any other type of exchange.
This level of closeness requires that you’re cognizant as well. If you’re remembering past events or imagining the future, you are not in the moment at hand. Being present is more than self-awareness. It requires perceiving your partner in an acute way, building movement to and fro. Additionally, as you become more able to connect your mind with your body, you can perceive what feels good to you sexually.
You desire connection with your partner and being noticed by him in order to be receptive to the deepest kind of intimacy. Feeling bonded with your man occurs throughout the day and not just in the bedroom, which helps you to feel relaxed enough to receive his body and penetration. Your man might check out when he initially gets home, retracting into his own silence to unwind from a stressful day, and may only want physical affection moments before he drifts off to sleep, but this may build resentment in you. You desire him to be aware and connected with you during the day in order to have a great experience in the bedroom. Your desire for sex is largely about your need to feel a emotional connection. Without that component, you feel as if you are left emotionally empty and possibly used.
Share your desire for your partner to truly see you and have his heart available to you during love making. Ask him to practice until you can feel him present.
Try these exercises to develop more awareness:
- Spend several minutes staring into your partner’s eyes. Begin with one minute and work your way up. Notice what you feel. Try eye gazing while holding hands. Is he unlocking his heart to you, or does he have walls up? Notice how his gaze makes you feel.
- Close your eyes and practice feeling your body. Tune out the world and listen to your rhythm. You may be able to hear sounds from your body such as your breath or heartbeat. Do you have tension anywhere? Do you feel any pain? How is your breathing? Is it deep or shallow? Notice every part of your body.
- Take turns touching each other and watching the other respond to your caress. Focus on the other person’s face and subtle movements. Without talking, see if you can both discover what each other likes best. Then share openly about the experience.
Diana Anderson coaches couples on relationship dynamics and intimacy. She is the author of Deep Sex, Always in the Mood, Your Secret Chamber and other books. Visit her at www.diana-anderson.com diana-anderson.com