there are people of different races, religions and orientations who might somehow change their lives... imagine that. How horrible. Maybe I should homeschool Michelle into her college years to protect her from... helicopter parents gone wild.

Don't blame Mr Rogers for this one. He would never have advocated parents protecting their children from people who are different.

~Denise
Fast Times @ Homeschool High & Flamingo House Happenings

I can't believe that an adult child would *let* their parents do such a thing. I guess if you've been raised by helicopter parents, maybe you haven't learned the ability to stand up for yourself and make your own decisions.

When I turned 18 I left for the college I chose which was 1,000 miles away from the nearest family member. I was ready to be my own person. I have a hard time understanding college age kids/adults who aren't ready to make their own way...yes, I know that's a little judgmental.

Wheat Among Tares

I did a tiny post on your article here.

Wheat Among Tares

anti-aircraft fire I think.

A friend of mine, working on her dissertation, teaches assorted English classes. She told me a story about a girl who failed her class after not doing the work (or not doing sufficient work, I forget the details). After the girl failed to intimidate my friend into giving her a better grade, dad called to take a swing at it. University policy dictated that in this case the matter be referred up the chain of command and dad was shot down quite efficiently.

How can these parents think their "little precious" will ever survive in modern society after being smothered like that?

I also was out on my own in college at 18 and 6 years later I was on the IGB (Inner German Border) watching the East Germans ...

Jim Heivilin

It also got me fired up. I do workshops for college students on the pros and cons of technology and social networking. It's a topic I've insisted we include because they often don't understand its impact...because they've lived with it for their entire teenage experience, at least.

I'll join your group! I have a godson headed to college in the fall, and I just frankly don't want to know. Boundaries are needed for a reason - mine and his, and I also don't want to be in a position of "traffic cop" at any point between him and his parents.

I wrote this in response to the links and perspectives you shared.

Laurie
LaurieWrites

Since when did sexual orientation or race doom a room mate paring to fail? In my opinion, the fear of race or orientation is way overblown. I used to have fears around sexual orientation, but thanks to both blogging and meeting others, I don't have those fears anymore. I do, howwever recognize that I live in a culture which has these fears and attitudes of discrimination engrained in it, so I watch for those things as much as possible and try to realize when I'm thinking in ways which don't respect diversity.

My concerns with room mates are that we respect each others' needs. My room mate needs to respect my need for privacy and I need to do the same for her. My room mate needs to respect that Julio's a working dog, and I need to respect her needs around having Julio in the room (now apartment). I need a room mate to respect that things go in certain places so I can find them, but I then need to respect her time and not be too dependent on her. If she asks something I'm uncomfortable with, we work it out. As nervous as I am (I didn't have a room mate for the last two years, so this will be my first time), this will be a valuable experience. Advice from my parents is fine, but they believe in letting me try things and learn things for myself. It's worked for 20 years.

I may have to blog this, just to get all of these thoughts out.
Nickie's Nook
and Nickie's Nook the Book

This does not surprise me at all, after having worked for a year in the Academic Advising office at the local community college. I can't tell you how many times it was the parent wanting to meet the advisor, the parent who made the class schedule and the parent who called when their child didn't get registered on time, drop a class on time etc. to demand special and preferential treatment.

I actually had to explain to one mother that she could not sit with her daughter while she was taking the placement test. She threw a fit demanding to be allowed in the room to " help " her daughter. She insisted then afterwards that the test results were skewed. There was no way her daughter missed getting into college algebra, she was furious that her daughter was to be placed in a pre algebra class.

What bothered me the most was the whining of the child, " mom make them fix it!!!" I finally had to call the Dean of the Math Dept and the Dean of Advising in to speak to the mother and daughter.

Both Deans basically told her that her daughter needed to be able to do all this on her own. That by controlling and doing so much for her daughter, she was doing her daughter a great disservice.

It was amusing, only because the mother then seemed to feel she was going to get her way.So it was somewhat satisfying for me, walk out of that meeting with the daughter in the pre algebra class and the mom having to accept the Deans decision.

Didn't mean to ramble on about that, but it is an issue that seems to be wildly out of control.

I blog at A Red headed Step Child

Marianne, great post. It seems being a helicopter parent is contagious in some communities. I wrote about this subject once before in Mommy and Family (Helicopter parents: What's that I hear, a whirry bird?) after I saw a report that some parents are contacting their adult children's potential employers. I may have referenced one of the articles you cite. I remember reading that some colleges now use "handlers" to distract helicopter parents during orientation and registration. Laurie left a comment on that helicopter post that had me chuckling and shaking my head.

I understand some parents' concerns about Facebook or Myspace if the child is 13-15, but by the time your child is in her/his later years, they should know the boundaries and the principles of good Internet use. If they won't abide by them to the point that you feel you must check on them constantly, then the problem is not Facebook or use of the Internet, the problem is that you and your child have trust issues. That should be your concern, in my opinion, not looking for better ways to become police.

If you're trying to ferret out what your children do on the Internet while they're in college, the perhaps you should talk to a professional about your own issues. Just my opinion.

I saw the movie "Because I said so" with Diane Keaton. She played the ultimate helicopter parent. LOL. And you could see that while she loved her daughters, a big part of her problem was that she didn't trust them to make their own decisions. Oh, she had a few other problems too that made the movie amusing. Ironically, in reference to your post, the mother was the one using the Internet in the movie.

Again, great post, Marianne. It's a topic that's worth a revisit often.

Nordette

"Love is liquid. Brew and be drunkards!" ~~Nordette. And here's a link to the blog.

First, previous BlogHer Posts on Helicopter Parents

Nordette's post (April 2007) on post-college Helicoptering
http://www.blogher.com/node/18785

Meredith's (April 2007) post on 5th grade helicoptering

http://www.blogher.com/node/18020

I'm surprised it hasn't come up more, somehow.

Anyway, after I read your post and commented last night, I started thinking. As I went for a run this morning, my ideas partially gelled.

I agree with you and Anastasia that parents who interfere with housing office as to roommate assignments are infantilizing their college-age children. I also agree that parents meddling because of concerns about said prospective roommates' sexual orientation or race or religion is despicable.

One thing really struck me, though: while the incoming college class of 2011 (this fall's freshmen) born in 1988-1989, are Millennials, and all of those born in 1988-1989 are defined as Millennials, not all Millennials are going to college. There are bigger parenting problems than Helicopter Parents. And that led to the first installment. Please don't take offense at the snarky title: it is really aimed at the breathless reports in the MSM.

Then I read the survey underlying part of the Duke Magazine article, and thought about changes in communication technology. that led to the second installment.

Then I started I wondering (a) is this a new phenomenon and (b) how much of a trend is it? Thus, the third installment.

Looks like there's going to be more in the series on the meme of Helicopter Parenting and the College-Bound Child: A Meaningful National Problem?"

First Installment:

GASP! Overinvolved Parents! National Emergency! NOT

Second Installment

Parents of Current College Students and Changes in Communication Habits

Third Installment

Prejudiced Parents, College Dorm Assignments, and Social Networking

Liz Ditz
I Speak of Dreams
lizditz@gmail.com

I can't really speak to the helicopter parent issue, because my daughter is still very young.

But In my dorm, there seemed to be an unofficial policy of pairing students of the same race. I was the only student paired with someone of a different race. We ended up becoming good friends and are friends to this day.

I benefited from her friendship in many ways, and I learned a lot about race/ racism by being friends with her. It saddens me that parents would deprive their kids of that opportunity.

This has been a very interesting discussion to read as it unfolds, and I have posted a response, particularly to the Mister Roger's article Won't you be my neighbor. It seems as though many parents can't seem to get the hang of the balance between being involved in their children's lives and trusting their adult children to be functional adults within society. I had a friend growing up whose mother pulled him out of a school after a unit that she claimed caused him undue emotional distress (the details escape me, having taken place over 15 years ago), in a class of 45 other student he seems to have been the only one so devastatingly affected.

I'm not a parent, so I am generally loathe to pass judgment on someone else's parenting style, but as a college student I recall being appalled by classmates who a) spent hundreds of dollars of their savings on drugs and then b) couldn't figure out how they would justify the missing money to their parents who still received, and opened, their bank statements.

I didn't have to save my own money to afford school books, a new coat, or a haircut for the school year. But I managed my own money from the beginning of the time that money became a reality in my life, and it was my responsibility to get the extras. If I wanted a pair of trendy shoes, that was on me. I gained an understanding of what my money was worth, but I also knew that my parents trusted me with my own money that I had earned.

Perhaps a nineteen year old spending $200 on marijuana needs someone looking over her shoulder, but nineteen is awfully late to be realizing that for the first time.

I'd like to offer a slightly different perspective on all this. Without question from a personal level, I think it's horrendous to make a judgement about a person based on their gender, orientation, abilities, disabilities, etc. But as for parents reading FB or MS, I have to present one more side of the story from a law enforcement perspective. I cannot tell you how many times I've been asked to find kids (generally younger than college, but some of college age) on these social networking sites because they are involved in a case. Law enforcement agencies, potential employers, colleges - are all looking at these entries for various reasons. I'm not saying parents need to park on their child's account, but I do feel from a safety standpoint, that they should at least visit it and be aware of who their child is communicating with.

One could argue that by the time someone reaches college age they have the expectation and right to privacy, but from a personal safety perspective, parents should at least be aware of what their children are saying in a completely public venue, which is what these sites are.

At the very least, print out your child's FB or MS account so you have their screenname. The front screen usually lists friends. Social networking sites all work with law enforcement if there is a case that rises to the level of an emergency. All they need is the account name. At least make sure you have that.

Sorry if I'm off-topic, but as the mother of two college-aged kids and a law enforcement member for ten years, I do go on-line and look at my kids' accounts. I also want to know what their friends are saying. I could care less about a potential roommate's orientation or political views, but if they brag about getting high everyday, it's going to raise a concern with me.

Thanks for giving me this opportunity,

Felicia Donovan
Author, THE BLACK WIDOW AGENCY series
www.feliciadonovan.com
www.blackwidowagency.com

I thought most people agree that Millennials are those born in 1982 or later, those who turned 18 in 2000 or later.

If you were in college pre-Facebook, then you aren't really a Millennial.

-Writergal8, age almost 28, and objects to being called a "Millennial"
my blogs:

Writing Blog (for updates on my writing and media plugs about my book)

Shorty Stories (a blog for petite activism)