Help! I'm Being Held Hostage By My Sick Kid!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My kid has been sick this week and we're on day three of not being able to leave the house. Tomorrow is not looking any better, either. Any advice on how a mom can stay sane while practically quarantined with a sick kid and forced to watch Disney Channel for days on end?
POW (Prisoner of What's Going Around)
Well, first off I have to say that I love the Disney Channel. It's so fun and colorful and entertaining! And I'm not just saying that so Disney notices and gives me a free Goofy bra and panty set for Valentine's Day. What? Is it wrong that I want to look pretty and brightly animated for my husband?
Anyway, we've all been stuck in the house with a sick kid before and it's definitely no fun. So to help you get through it, here are some things you can do to keep your sanity:
- Wrap your kid's face in gauze and pretend he's The English Patient
- Wrap your own face in gauze and pretend you're The Plastic Surgery Patient
- Wrap the cat's face in gauze and -- okay, don't do that unless you want to get hurt
- Grab a pair of binoculars and a notebook and play "CIA Lady" while you spy on your neighbors through the blinds
- Write letters to various characters on The Disney Channel and use lots of swear words
- Sit by the window and count the cars that go by -- eat a cookie after every 25
- Dance like nobody's watching. Because nobody's watching.
But most important, relax. Trust me, there will be plenty of weeks in the future where you'll running around like a crazy mom, just dying for a break. I know it doesn't sound possible, but try to enjoy this time spent at home taking care of your child. It'll be over soon enough.
And if not, give me a call. I totally love playing CIA Lady.