- Share This Post
- Pin It
- 1
-
Sparkle (0)
What do you mean he's just not that into me? Why wouldn't he be? I'm me. I'm an educated, young professional who comes from a good family and loves romance?
Although I have been married for a couple of years now, I remember the haze of confusion that could accompany dating in the city. This weekend, my sister filled me in her latest dating dilemma. It is a classic story to which most women in our age group and demographic can relate - the age group being 25 to 32 and the demographic being young professional women in major metropolitan areas. So the story goes, he, another young professional, energetically pursued her, called her, expressed interest in her, sought her trust, and all seemed well. She is a good girl. She allowed him to pursue, to take the lead in the development of the relationship, and refrained from giving up the good stuff. Then, as the single life would have it, he fell off. He blamed the pressures of being a young professional. Now, he is in the wind. Weeks have passed. Refusing to engage in a chase, she has not called him. So what happened? How does a man go from hot to cold so quickly? Was it indeed the job? Was it another woman? Was it her old school values of not giving it up? I explained to her that while he is in the wind now. He will ring again. They always do. The question is whether she will bother to answer the phone.
I watch her maneuver the maze of single life and recall the lessons from our father. The countless lectures and now golden quotes about respecting yourself, not compromising yourself, and demanding that a man be a man. It was from my father that I first understand the meaning of courtship. The problem is that it doesn't appear that the men understand the meaning of courtship or aren't willing to engage in it. So, what happened to courtship? What happened to the man making his intentions known and apparent? What happened to the gentleman? When I was single woman, I took my share of bumps and bruises. While I understand what my father was saying in those lectures, the application of those pillars were usually far more complicated.
So often, it appears that men and women don't know what to expect from each other. The men, thriving on ego, behave as if women should be so honored that they would pay them a little attention that they twist and turn in the wind at will. If we are being honest, the truth is where one woman refuses to put up with the flightiness ,there are three other who will. Women quickly realize that dating in the city often comes with a compromise of standards. Does she compromise anything? If so, what? What standards are negotiable? The questions become more intense as age begins to wrap like the lines on a tree trunk. If we are being honest, most women want it all. Some are content to have just career. Most want it all - career, husband, and family. I mean, that's the traditional American dream. There is nothing wrong with wanting it all. The problem is most men know it and use it to their advantage. Men know when they have a good woman but they also know that in the city there are many more and to some degree feel that it should be their mission in life to meet and date all of them.
It is an inconvenient truth that minority women tend to have it even harder. I say to minority women, where the men of your same minority pass you by try dating outside of your minority. I say this especially to black women who rarely date outside of their race. Differences can be beautiful. You just have to decide what differences are good differences and which may be polarizing.
My advice to my sister... Don't call him. Don't compromise. Don't answer when he calls. Wait as long as you can for your gentleman but don't be hardened by the wait.
BLUSHING LADIES SPEAK:
What are the experiences of ladies in rural areas or small towns? For the city girl, what is your dating experience? Have you compromised? If so, what and did you regret it? Visit us at http://www.blushblog.com/
