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Sparkle (2)
I find jealousy to be a completely useless emotion. I don't know if I've been naive or just clueless my entire life, but I've never been a jealous person, and when presented with the opportunity to be jealous (like when I see someone with thick, long, shiny hair), that's not where my mind goes. Ever.
It takes a huge leap for me to even twist my mind into a jealousy pretzel, and once I get there, I'm forced to look around and ask myself what the point is.
How do I react when approached by the green-eyed monster? Well, I evaluate (i.e., what do they have that I may want?) and then plan (i.e., how can I get one for myself?). And that's all. How is my being conniving, underhanded, or snotty going to help me get what I want? And would I feel good about myself for having obtained ill-gotten booty? No. No, I wouldn't.
Useless.
I had my first run-in with jealousy in the twelfth grade. She and I were never really great friends. She once told me that we were rivals (news to me), then proceeded to a) take my part in the school musical (because I had an after-school job as a cashier at a grocery store), and b) start salacious rumors about me to friends I had since elementary school. This created uncomfortable distance between us, thus an 'in' for her. In her mind, we all couldn't be friends. It was her or me.
A bit later on, she apologized, rather pathetically, by hanging onto my backpack on the way to gym class, begging me to forgive her. Things were never the same between my old friends and I. She was inconsequential. A fly buzzing around my head.
More recently, I had a supervisor who was convinced I was hired to replace her, so she did everything within her earthly power to passive-aggressively get me to, uh, move on. Luckily, I got pregnant, and ended up staying that way for about two years, so she remained safe. Funny thing, though. I wasn't hired to replace her, nor would I want her job if it were offered to me by a nude Leonardo DiCaprio holding a bag of gold doubloons.
I find jealousy just as useful as a sixth toe, as the Perfect Meatloaf Pan, and really a product of inadequate emotional development. Yes. I know, I know. It's a normal human emotion, but what purpose does it serve? If it only leads you to cheat, connive, or otherwise eff with the world around you, how adaptive is it? And furthermore, how does that aid in your growth as a person?
Your personal dissatisfaction should lead you to higher-order thinking like, "Hey, Self! Do you want that? Perhaps you should pursue it legitimately!" And if you don't have the wherewithal to make a mature, adaptive decision, you shouldn't be allowed to play with the other grownups.
I realize this would knock out a considerable portion of the population, but I'm okay with that.
I guess the bottom line is, if you want something badly enough, you will (or you should) find a way to get it. Legitimately. So, demonstrate some integrity. Quit your whining, plotting, and scheming, get up off the damn couch, and do something good for yourself. And leave me the hell alone.
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