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Loralee is a wife, mother, and blogger living in the wilds of Utah. She is mother to 4 handsome gentlemen, aged 15, 12 and 2, and a sweet little 4-mo...
 
 
 
 

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Hey, Jealousy: Every Blogger Was a Newbie Once

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Today's topic: Jealousy in the blogosphere. Or envy, feeling left out, whatever emotion you want to add to it.

I am not the first to write about this. I’m not the second, tenth or probably even the eleventyhundredth to type out my thoughts and feelings about blogging jealousy. I am also pretty sure that many people have written about it far more eloquently than I am about to.

Colleagues attacking businesswoman co-worker

I need to because a reader sent this to me, and it really touched me because I can relate to a lot of it.

I hope this doesn’t come off as mean, but I am eaten alive by jealousy of your blog and other big bloggers. You have so many friends and so much traffic and I even though I check your blog almost obsessively, I also have so much envy that I am beginning to think it is unhealthy.

I try to comment on blogs and still only have a reader or two. You’ve never commented on my blog and while I understand that you have a lot going on, I still get hurt, but then I feel like a pouty kid on the school bus and am ashamed. I’m actually crying here. How stupid is that?

It seems like so many people I read have success after success while I try but seem to fail. I expect it from some of the snarkier bloggers. 

I can’t even seem to get the attention of the nice bloggers.

You aren’t the only one that I am talking about, but you are the place where I can vent this anonymously and get it off of my chest.

I really admire you and think that your blog is wonderful. I hope that this didn’t come off as too mean, I am just having a hard day.

I felt for this commenter. So many feel this way, and it can really start to eat at you and sour your online life. It got me thinking about my own feelings of inadequacy and jealousy that I struggle with. There are a few salient points that I would like to talk about, if you don’t mind.

Having traffic doesn’t make negative feelings like inadequacy magically disappear.

I doubt that there are many bloggers out there who would label themselves as “popular,” and I certainly don’t classify myself as that. I am very aware that I have awesome and loyal readers and commenters AND I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR IT, but it doesn’t mean that I am not critical about myself. On those down days when I overanalyze everything I start writing “The List” of things that are negative.

I could go on and on and ON about the things that I think I am inadequate at or have been excluded from that good friends have been privileged to enjoy. And it stings and sucks sometimes. I am so genuinely excited and thrilled because all of them truly deserve it, but I am human and want to participate, too.

When I first joined BlogHer in 2006, everyone was at the height of conference excitement.  Even though I was happy for those going I also wanted to make badges that said, “I’m NOT going to BlogHer, and you all can just BITE ME!”

I hated that I wasn’t going and hated how jealous I felt of those who jetted off to Chicago. So, I made a plan. I worked and saved. I reached out to people that were going. I did everything I could to prepare. That doesn't mean that it was not without trial, but I was DETERMINED to have an amazing time despite the situations that can sometimes flare up when you put 1,500 bloggers together. I wanted to have an amazing experience. And I did. It was one of the best times I have ever had, and it was more so because I worked so hard to make it happen.

The best that we can do as bloggers is to realize that EVERYONE has feelings of negativity, jealousy, inadequacy, the key is to try to make those turn into motivation and to not let them keep us from our goals.

Most bloggers have many more failures than successes. Also, don’t take it for granted that awesome things just “happen” to bloggers. You may not know the full story.

I fail much more than I succeed. Not that I haven’t had some successes with blogging, I have. I've had speaking opportunities, been in

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Kathryn W. 5 pts

I might be a little late to the party on this post, but I could not have read it at a better time. It is sometimes easy to forget the blogger circle of life.

Thank you.

----------------------------

The Soap Box ( http://www.blogher.com/andthatsmysoapbox.blogspot.... )

brisher7 5 pts

Thanks to you and your commenter for talking about this issue. Sometimes I'm jealous too. But I wrote a blog one time that got more attention than usual and someone I don't know posted kind of a dark comment, I guess is the best way to describe it.

I thought maybe blogging in obscurity is okay by me.

ShaynaLeahK 5 pts

Well said --- I agree--- It's definitely a challenge not to make an assumption about quality based on comments/followers/whatever... and I definitely have some blog envy (yes, that does sound odd but whatever)

Talking about women, the wage gender gap, and body image at Life: Forward ( http://lifeforward.onsugar.com/ ).

loraleechoate 5 pts

Sorry I am so late with this.

I honestly would say that your best clue to writing is to read. Everything. Find bloggers you admire and figure why that is.

If you hand't noticed I have a very unique "voice" online. It came to be after many attempts at finding it. Finally I just threw everything out the window and decided to just...be myself. Wherever, however. Let the chips fall where they may.

I think your outlook on blogging is excellent. Good luck with reaching that milestone past a year!

Rissa 5 pts

I love this article because we can apply it to any area of our lives.  I think jealousy is a universal issue that many of us, as women,  have struggled with at one point in our lives.  I have only been blogging for a little over a year and I debated whether I had something important enough to say to warrant a blog.  Then I focused on two things - I wanted to blog for me and for anyone who was interested in what I was doing.  If "they" aren't interested in my blog it's not personal.  And I found out that more people are following me than I thought - maybe this is what you mean by lurking.  I'm working on not comparing myself to others and focusing on me!!  Thanks, too, for the reminder about Dooce - we all have to start somewhere.  I am also new to blogher - any articles you recommend on writing?  Thanks, again, for your honesty!!!! 

stormwatch4 5 pts

I am one of those with a small blog with very few readers. And sometimes I do wish I had more regular readers but at the same time, I realize that the few readers I do have are absolutely amazing! They make me feel so loved & that they enjoy our life. I am trying hard not to take them for granted!

http://ourimperfectlife.blogspot.com/ 

mollybaker 5 pts

As a really new blogger (2 months!), I am still sorting out how all of the logistics work. -- Even now, I'm thrilled I was able to find where I'd written my password so that I could log-in and leave a comment. Whew, look at me, feeling like a real blogger now.  As a professional writer, I'd known how I would structure the writing, content and voice of my blog for a while, but I had no idea of the inner-workings of an individual blog, much less the inter-connectedness of the "blogosphere" -- and particularly blogs by women.  

This, and many of your posts, -- and readers valuable comments have taught me LOADS about the blogging community -- and importantly about the continuum that each is on, and how a move by one can positively benefit so many others. -- This post in particular gives each reader and blogger permission to take pride in their work -- and to make an honest assessment as to why they keep a blog and what they hope to gain from it... Like I said, I'm still working out my logistics, but am enjoying. - Now let's see if this actually posts!

www.playgroupwithsylviaplath.com ( http://www.playgroupwithsylviaplath.com )

nannygoats 5 pts

What's amazing is so many bloggers assume that no one else has jealousy issues except themselves. It's like we are all supermodels or Hollywood actresses with the pressure to stay skinny and because of that, some of us bloggers have become anorexic and miserable in the process.

I'm so glad you wrote about this. I know others have and others should continue to do so, because apparently, it isn't completely sinking in yet.

Margaret

Nanny Goats In Panties (www.nannygoatsinpanties.com ( http://www.nannygoatsinpanties.com/ ))

sergetheconcierge 5 pts

Of course it's more fulfilling when people read your stuff.

Is there a secret sauce, I don't think so.

A non-fiction writer who just started blogging called me a 'veteran' when she realized I started 'Serge the Concierge' in March 2005.

At times, I write something that I feel is good and it gets as much attention as a neglected child.

On the other hand, a quickly whipped post might catch fire.

As you say, many of us greedy creatures could get 10 times the readership we have today, be happy for a day or two and then want more like an investment banker suffering from post bonus blues.

As for comments, if all they do is sing the author's glory , I am not sure it adds much to the conversation

Bonne Journee

Serge the Concierge 'The French Guy from New Jersey' http://www.sergetheconcierge.com

akpclark 5 pts

I just started a blog a week ago because I wanted to be able to write something. Being a full-time mother of two boys under 3, i was never able to find time to write. blogging seems the perfect outlet for my secret writing desires.

I had no idea there was so much of a social aspect to blogging. I guess i have been living under a rock. i love reading blogs! after reading this post i will be sure to make more comments on those blogs that i do read. how rude of me! for shame! i applogize to all you bloggers who feel inadequate. just know there are probably lots and lots of silly people like me who just read and don't comment.

Allison Clark

www.beanandgoobs.blogspot.com ( http://www.beanandgoobs.blogspot.com/ )

CastleBeckons 5 pts

I do get a little jealous sometimes when I happen to see the site meter on some of the blogs I visit regularly - but Rome wasn't built in a day!  I don't expect to see 300 people a day visiting my blog (well, not yet anyway!).  I blog more for myself than for others - but I do like my little map that shows me where in the world people are reading my blog!!  I only feel slighted because I can't get BlogHer to list my blog (after two attempts!)

dawnviola 5 pts

LOL! That, was a GREAT line, loraleechoate ( http://www.blogher.com/haystackprofile/viewprofile... ). I feel that way this year, but definitely with good humor about it.

I'd love for my food blog to reach rock star status one day, but I'm so enjoying each and every bit of the slow ride there. My blog has been a joy, a burden, and everything in between -- but I'm loving every minute of it :-)

And when I find myself feeling a bit envious, I try that much harder to make my blog a little bit different, a little bit better than it was the week before. Then I head out into the blog-o-sphere and support the other blogs who are light years ahead of mine. Because even without knowing who I am, they've been wonderful mentors to me.

Dawn Viola
Site: DawnViola.com ( http://www.dawnviola.com )
Blog: Wicked Good Dinner ( http://www.wickedgooddinner.com )

P.S. Food Network, if you're reading, I've got a great idea for a cooking show ;-)

Dearest Fatty 5 pts

I think some people also set their sights too high. Not everyone has the skill or inclination to have a hugely popular blog. To be a popular blog that generates a lot of traffic you have to be able to talk about popular subjects, and that's mostly sex, clothes, movies, celebs etc.

You may have an adorable family but so do millions of other people and beyond family and close friends, not many people will be interested.

You may be passionate and highly educated in your area, but you may also only be accessible to a small number of people.

I have had 3 blogs so far and each one has taught me something and now, at the moment at least, I am happy with my current blog. I have a handful of regular commenter's (not including family!) and I take pleasure in interacting with them! But as you point out once you start getting 300 comments on each post how can you answer them all!

My advice to that particular blogger would be to admire blogs that are popular and aspire to be as big is you can BUT try to also make friends with other small to medium sized blogs, to comment on each others blogs brings traffic from the other, you also get to learn tricks together.

Great post......will I get an answer??? ;) *heehee* 

Is it your flab or your brain you need to fight? Answers on a postcard please.

loraleechoate 5 pts

That is tough. I am going to ask a brutal question and ask how you feel your content is? If you feel it is good and strong and true to your voice but is more a matter of people not having exposure to it, you might want to incorporate something into your give aways. I have a friend who makes having a basic knowledge of her blog a requirement for winning a giveaway. (Now, her giveaways are kick butt to the tune of 300 value a piece). You'd have to be careful and make it worth people's time of course, but I am sure that you could figure something out like that. 

Anyway...just a thought there. 

P.S. Just as an aside, very few loyal "readers" seem to come from linky's, memes or giveaways so don't be too discouraged about that. 

Mom on the Run 5 pts

Musings from Me http://www.musingsfromme.com

I know how your reader feels. I have fussed and pondered and railed about my lack of readers for my parenting my kids and Musings from Me posts. At the same time I marvel and love and feel grateful for the traffic I get to my giveaway posts. It is as if my blog is two blogs: parenting posts and giveaway posts. I would prefer to be a parenting blog, but then I would have no readers or only a few. I keep doing the giveaways to keep my traffic numbers up, too. PR reps often ask for stats.

My question today is the same as my question way back in 2008/2009 when I started my blog. How do I get readers to read my blog on a consistent regular basis?? I have readers who come back time and again for giveaways, but only a few who comment on the parenting posts. I know I am not the best writer, but I do write about what bothers me, inspires me, makes me laugh, and makes me sad. I post my posts on WW and meme linkies, post to twitter, and add to Facebook. What else could I be doing to increase readership to my posts?

Love your post. I wanted to meet you at Mom 2.0, but did not get the chance. Perhaps, our paths will cross at another conference?

Mom on the Run 5 pts

Musings from Me http://www.musingsfromme.com

I know how your reader feels. I have fussed and pondered and railed about my lack of readers for my parenting my kids and Musings from Me posts. At the same time I marvel and love and feel grateful for the traffic I get to my giveaway posts. It is as if my blog is two blogs: parenting posts and giveaway posts. I would prefer to be a parenting blog, but then I would have no readers or only a few. I keep doing the giveaways to keep my traffic numbers up, too. PR reps often ask for stats.

My question today is the same as my question way back in 2008/2009 when I started my blog. How do I get readers to read my blog on a consistent regular basis?? I have readers who come back time and again for giveaways, but only a few who comment on the parenting posts. I know I am not the best writer, but I do write about what bothers me, inspires me, makes me laugh, and makes me sad. I post my posts on WW and meme linkies, post to twitter, and add to Facebook. What else could I be doing to increase readership to my posts?

Love your post. I wanted to meet you at Mom 2.0, but did not get the chance. Perhaps, our paths will cross at another conference?

mbrooker 5 pts

Hi Loralee -

  I'm the short chick that was with Preston & fam at Merlin Olsen Park on Saturday.. you said that there were commenters to this post who didn't believe you that there are some of us who don't care if we have readers.. well, I just thought I'd put my voice in as someone who doesn't really care.. I only have a few readers - I have had lots in the past.. but now, well, I've been blogging for 9.5 years (election day of 2000 to be exact) and it really has become just a part of my life. I can't imagine not doing it, sometimes I go weeks without posting and sometimes I've thought about quitting, but after all this time, I just gravitate towards my blog on a semi-regular basis.

Wait, I lied about not caring.. I guess I would like more readers, it would be kinda sweet to have people sending support about what I'm going through with my Dad right now, but that takes a lot of work - drawing in readers, posting comments on blogs, etc.. What energy I have for networking I'd rather it be face to face. Yep yep - I'd rather spend 10 minutes talking to someone face to face than hours chatting with them online. I've done the hours and hours online thing - back when IRC was really big and to get there you had to have a terminal connection(!). I guess I'm doing a reverse of what most people are -  most people are in the beginning stages of discovery of online community where I've been there, done that, and have discovered that - for me (and no judgements or "I'm better than you because I've done it already) - being able to touch (hug) my dearest friends on a regular basis is more meaningful. But, it should be noted that I am a single woman who is kind of a loner and what energy I have to devote to socializing I find the in person socializing gives me far more bang for my personal energy buck.

Btw - this was the second time I've connected with you at the Parker Famiiy produce stand - and both times I've enjoyed it.

:)

mbrooker 5 pts

Hi Loralee -

  I'm the short chick that was with Preston & fam at Merlin Olsen Park on Saturday.. you said that there were commenters to this post who didn't believe you that there are some of us who don't care if we have readers.. well, I just thought I'd put my voice in as someone who doesn't really care.. I only have a few readers - I have had lots in the past.. but now, well, I've been blogging for 9.5 years (election day of 2000 to be exact) and it really has become just a part of my life. I can't imagine not doing it, sometimes I go weeks without posting and sometimes I've thought about quitting, but after all this time, I just gravitate towards my blog on a semi-regular basis.

Wait, I lied about not caring.. I guess I would like more readers, it would be kinda sweet to have people sending support about what I'm going through with my Dad right now, but that takes a lot of work - drawing in readers, posting comments on blogs, etc.. What energy I have for networking I'd rather it be face to face. Yep yep - I'd rather spend 10 minutes talking to someone face to face than hours chatting with them online. I've done the hours and hours online thing - back when IRC was really big and to get there you had to have a terminal connection(!). I guess I'm doing a reverse of what most people are -  most people are in the beginning stages of discovery of online community where I've been there, done that, and have discovered that - for me (and no judgements or "I'm better than you because I've done it already) - being able to touch (hug) my dearest friends on a regular basis is more meaningful. But, it should be noted that I am a single woman who is kind of a loner and what energy I have to devote to socializing I find the in person socializing gives me far more bang for my personal energy buck.

Btw - this was the second time I've connected with you at the Parker Famiiy produce stand - and both times I've enjoyed it.

:)

Vita lingus 5 pts

Great Posts Linda this is me and i what I do checkout ah yaya an astronaunt fantastic indeed Goddess love that

http://www.smh.com.au/news/web/women-bloggers-blos...

Cheers

Vita

Vita lingus 5 pts

Excellent advice Sassy very practical and very you indeed hope ya well and that naughty "fake husband " is being good and loving and making yiou fresh coffee!!

Vita lingus 5 pts

Bless you for that observation !! have been at this for 10 year and seriously have done the hard yards on my site! Which is quite clean ... In terms of this sites formula and interface they have given it  red a hot go and changed the look several times but yeah  could be cleaner and easier to work through particularly if one is unfaniliar with such large formulas and compelx  interfaces that have been developed on Blogher!  ....

But i suggest they really do have a wee team to mange what is qute large site now  and  I suggest keeping abreast of it all and managing the interface and accessibilty  is something that they are across ...Hopefully I find this site exhausting and come to do  very specific work here and  do not have deadlines !!

Their timing was right 5 years ago and it has expanded so rapidly I guess there is an over excitement for more more more .... Bless them for their enthusiusm.

Lisa Stone  is in fact very aware of this issue I discussed it  with her 2 years ago in Chicago. however it seems to have  got more top heavy with so much more content and membership  .. They are doing their best I know.. It will keep evolving so  given your expertise maybe you could talk to tthem of how to improve the interface and make suggestions to help them out!!

Cheers

Vita

Vita lingus 5 pts

Yes could certainly be a little more Zen and less frantic 

But bless all those who are brave enough to make the journey to this wild loud site that is Blogher!!

carolinagirl 5 pts

Thanks, Loralee.  BTW, check me out at http://cluelessincarolina.blogspot.com

I also got fired for being disabled in December, just to add to the chorus on tiny violins singing on this post.

And mah 11 year old, who Violent Acres called "snaggletoothed" is getting braces on March 16.  And my dog almost died from seizures and we could not afford a vet (he gets his well dog shots from a mobile pet van service that charges almost nothing).

If you really want to hear the violins swell, my mom is dying from Alzheimer's and her slow decline started in 2008, the same year my husband was diagnosed with early, totally treatable oral cancer which stemmed from all the chemo he endured when he was diagnosed at age 17 with testicular cancer which made him sterile so we couldn't have any babies together and had to adopt and...

He took an early retirement buyout package in 2004, did the Teacher Training Transition, got certified to teach special needs kids in 2006, something he really wanted to do, and never got one offer, not one.  And the tests he passed were difficult and expensive.

So my husband, who has 35 years law enforcement experience under his belt, is reduced to working as a security guard for 10 hours a week at $12/hour and glad to get it and is desperately hoping that he can get a new posting that'll put his hours up to $18.00/hour.

And I'm desperately hoping to get disability.

The good news is that I'm incredibly good looking and haven't lost my house or sense of humor <g>.

Thanks, seriously.   I just checked on your blog because your post caught my eye, but I will be back!!!

SassyDesigns 5 pts

Well said!  Or should I say 'well written'? ;)  I ran into some '1-step forward, 2-steps back' moments when I switched my blog from Blogger to Wordpress - I ditched lost a ton of readers (especially when I accidentally broke my feed for a few weeks) and it's been taking me a while to find rebuild them again.  But unless I find a magic wand to wave frantically, it simply means I need to dedicate the time to doing the extra work to build it back up to where it was before I shook things up a bit with the change of venue. 

Even after blogging for almost a year-and-a-half, I'm still searching for what I want my blogging voice to be.  I know until that time, things will continue to ebb and flow.  While I'm nervous as all get-out, I have a couple of conferences lined up to attend (BlogHer '10 being one of them) and the biggest thing I'm looking forward to (besides connecting with other bloggers in person), is learning how to be a better blogger - which will hopefully bring more traffic and comments, but more importantly will help me find my blogging voice. 

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) ( http://stacysrandomthoughts.com )

Vita lingus 5 pts

Well i thought it was sad and quite alarming actually to read,,,  Having been online for 10 years with my site which is both sacred ethics and commodity ethics as it's basis it is still growing and evolving..

One has to just grow the site, the evolving nature of the internet has exploded and there is  alot more going on 10 years on trust me!! When i started no one I knew even understood what a blog was!!  I am thrilled to have been at the cutting edge and pretty much alone with my work I have watched  the world of blogging evolve to the point where there is this extraordinary site for women !! Amazing really!! it was pretty much blokes when I started

As I sad the world caught up and Goddess me if we had time to comment on everyones site it would turn into a day job i say with great love of course ,,,,,,

So don't worry or  get jealous just ride the waves and there are plenty of them  in this new world order of  "social networking" !.. Just be focussed on what you want to achieve and enjoy that !!

Trust me the audience will arrive as you go,  it is the hard yards like parenting, it takes time sacrifice but so worth it!! ..

I had to shut down my comments in 2005, as it became  a spam magent for "robots' very dull indeed and deeply annoying but through my CP i know every  IP that follows my site!!

Another aspect that has challenged traffic  on sites is how many more sites are out there  the advent of twitter etc,,, I think just keep writing and expanding and the rest will just be OK !! Stress less loved ones  write often!!

http://www.smh.com.au/news/web/women-bloggers-blos...

Bless you all and love what one does on your sites and seriously the future will unfold the particular magic you bring to "the net" and your sites will then speak for themselves

love and light

Vita

Vita lingus 5 pts

Well i thought it was sad and quite alarming actaully  having been online for 10 years with my site which both sacred ethics and commodity ethics.. It is just about the evolving nature of the internet when i started no one i knew even understood what a blog was  I am thrilled to have been at the cutting edge and pretty much alone with my work , but as I sad teh world caught up and Goddess me if we had time to comment on everyones site it would turn into a day job i say with great lvoe of course ,,,,,,

So don't worry or  get jealous just ride the waves and there are plenty of them  in this new world order of  "social networking" !.. Just be focussed on what you want to achieve and enjoy that !!

Trust me the audience will arrive as you go,  it is the hard yards like parenting, it takes time sacridice but so worth it!! ..

I had to shut down my comments in 2005, as it became  a spam magent for "robots' very dull indeed and deeply annoying but through my CP i know every  IP that follows my site!!

Another aspect that has challenged traffic  on sites is how many more sites are out there  the advent of twitter etc,,, I think just keep writing and expanding and the rest will just be OK !! Stress less loved ones  write often!!

http://www.smh.com.au/news/web/women-bloggers-blos...

Bless you all and love what one does on your sites and seriously the future will unfold the particular magic you bring to "the net" and your sites will then speak for themselves

love and light

Vita

Just_Margaret 5 pts

This has been an eye-opening thead for me. 

Guess I've been under a virtual rock, and it wasn't until I was committed to attending my first BlogHer event this summer that I started realizing how much the blogging world has evolved over the last couple of years.

When I first began blogging, I was ALL about the stats, comments, etc.  I loved writing, and was getting such a kick out of people actually reading my stuff!  I got a few offers to review things, which at the time flattered me, but I found that the 'review blog' thing was not for me--as you mention in your reply just above, Loralee, the linkys and the giveaways may have generated traffic, but it wasn't real traffic--these people didn't give a flying fig what I wrote--just what I was giving away.  I had done it in hopes of hooking people to read my content, not just vie for "stuff"--and it was a big ol' "FAIL"--nothing changed.  My regular readers remained, but I didn't glean any new regulars from the review/giveaway work.

Then *life* happened--bloggy fallout in the form of a stalker (who is IRL someone I know)--so I hung up my blogging keyboard for a while.   It was a mixed blessing--the BS "offline" from said stalker settled down, but I missed that keyboard.  So I took it from the hook on which I had flung it, and 'repurposed' it, to serve as simply my writing keyboard.  

It took blogging and then stopping for me to realize that what I loved was the writing itself, not the traffic and 'hits'.  Having been writing in one form or another since I was a teen, I was missing the personal satisfaction that was borne of the creativity of writing for myself on my own blog. 

So, I've got a new one up (not so new, I guess, anymore) and the traffic, by any standard, is low.  But that's OK with me--once I gave up on pleasing an audience, and began pleasing myself (which is why the hell I started in the first place) I felt so much more satisfied with my writing both on- and off-blog. 

I've got several writing projects in the works right now.  These don't get bandwidth on my blog (save for my references to those projects in a very vague way).  I've got both fiction and non fiction percolating on my little laptop.  The way I view my blog now is that it's an arena for me to address issues that matter to me--there is no more praying at the altar of page hits and comment threads.  Hence the name, "Just Margaret"--it's just me, pointing out things that amuse me, irk me, excite me, make me think.

As I plan to head to NYC in August for my first BlogHer convention, my mindset is such that I intend to studiously avoid the portions of the conference that focus on "SEO", increasing traffic, finding profit (I can't bear that god-awful word, "MONETIZING").  I am eager and excited to meet other *writers*, I want to hone my craft, I want to swap tips and stories.  I want to meet other WOMEN who, like me don't care about obtaining or giving away freebies (which, from what I've gathered, cast a teensy bit of a pall on the '09 convention)--seriously, you can get free crap at *every* freakin' convention whether it's one for women bloggers, Human Resources or IT Security.

I totally understand the desire for the hits, that graphic representation that "Hey, someone gives a crap what I write!".  I guess for me, since it wasn't what drove me to blogging and writing in the first place, my own such desire burned brightly and then fizzled out.  It took clarifying my reasons for blogging for me to hone in on my real focus--furthering my writing ambitions.

One theme I'm seeing throughout the comments on this thread from those who've BTDT seems to be:  Blog for YOURSELF!  Not the hits, not the fame/popularity/recognition.  Do it because it's satisfying, because it's cathartic, because you're good at it.    As a relative neophyte, I'm glad that I've already gotten to that place.  I hope that some of the other amazing women on this thread who are fretting over feeling a bit of blog-envy keep up their writing. 

The best bennie I've found from this thread?  I've been introduced to various BlogHer women whose blogs I totally look forward to perusing--so I'm off to surf now...thanks for the thought-provoking post, Loralee!

~Margaret

Just Margaret ( http://maurhoffbarney.blogspot.com )

HeatherKing 5 pts

A really important thing to remember for both the blogger who has "made it" and the blogger who wishes and strives to "make it" is that we're ALL small potatoes in the broad scheme of things.  That's what the blogger who is comfortable big or small knows, and THAT is what makes that person "successful."

Take a look at the big picture, and we're all the same...friends, employees, thinkers and dreamers, mothers or not, wives or not, striving to find ourselves, struggling, falling down, picking ourselves back up, doubting, believing, etc.  Some people may be more recognized but they are a mix of messy and beautiful just like the unknown blogger.

What I'm saying is, if we all got to know the ins and outs of each other's lives or hung out in daily life together often, it would be quickly obvious that we're all the same.  Just people.  Very messy people with some good parts. 

In the bigger picture of life (outside of blogging) not very many people give a hooey about who is who in the blog world.  Mostly, only bloggers do.  

So in the end, do I really love doing this? Do I blog for reasons that really matter to me? Posterity? Creativity? Sharing my stories because we all have a voice that matters? Community? To keep my sanity? Because I love it whether or not 1 person or 1 million people read it? You know, reasons like that. 

I believe a blogger has success when they truly stop caring about stats, etc., and start appreciating the people, of a big or small number, who are taking the time to visit their space. If it makes you feel honored and humbled and happy that anyone is there at all, that really is all that matters, as cliche as that sounds. 

msusanvaughn 5 pts

When I first started blogging, I was just learning about the process.  I wasn't sure exactly where I was going with my blog or what I really wanted to talk about, it sort of developed over time.  I was also envious of some bloggers who seemed to have it all together and I couldn't help but wonder if they had always had it all together.  Over time, I began to understand that blogs seem to develop and morph over time.  They change, they grow - and not just in readership.  And, over time, I have learned to accept the fact that I am never (or at least not in the near future) going to have hundreds of comments on every post.  I don't want that really, because as you said - with more popularity comes more responsibility.  I can barely do the things I love now without sacrificing something, so I'm comfortable where I am at - for now.  

I believe that a blogger must write from the gut and be passionate about their blog and their stories.  Without the passion you're doomed to go nowhere - fast.  Nobody should start a blog if they are doing it simply to make money.  That's like standing on a street corner singing for quarters and hoping to become a millionaire.  Won't happen.  Write for yourself.  Write like it is a journal.  A letter.  Something interesting and fun.  Write because you love it.  Anything else is simply a waste of time and the reader will feel it.

Thank you for this post.  It was a good one.

- Susan

C_Kent 5 pts

This should be required reading for everyone before they start a blog. I'm not trying to kiss up, here but this message covers all the bases in setting a realistic expectation of what blogging is about and what someone is getting into.

If you're blogging to be popular, then you're blogging to fail. 

RaisingAmazingDaughters 5 pts

Please check out my blog at http://raisingamazingdaughters.wordpress.com

I blog with my three daughters so we have a continual readership of.... 4. I'm enjoying what I do because, at least I get my jokes! We've not making any money, unless you count the money I pay them to be my daughters, but, damn, we're having fun. Plus, I've learned some stuff about them they weren't likely to tell me to my face. (Ouch, sometimes) And, we've even found one or two other people (full disclosure we have 27 whole subscribers) with nothing better to do with their lives because they are actually reading our blog! Am I jealous of you and the other big mama bloggers? Sure but, hey, jealousy is a good motivator. Think back to high school, (and in fact, the blogosphere does share some high school moments, the cool girls get read, the less popular have acne and sit alone at their keyboards), when you were really jealous of someone didn't it motivate you to do something to better your life? I'd love to attend a conference and never thought about it until I read this post. Now if only I could get one of your less-popular blogfriends to score me a free room... :)

loraleechoate 5 pts

I just wrote a post about this. Uh...HERE ( http://loraleeslooneytunes.com/2010/02/18/how-to-s... ). (There is other, better stuff written about it online but you know...this is a start.)

There is NO SHAME in self promotion. You don't have a PR team doing it for you, do you?

You just have to figure out a way to do it without being icky about it, you know?

loraleechoate 5 pts

(Ok, you can totally slap me for the horrifying cliche, but cliche's exist for a reason. Heh)

A year isn't a long time, but I know that some do climb SO high in that short time. I guess the only thing I can say to give you hope is that I was a VERY slow and steady paced growth blogger. 

THere was no magic "Boom" for me.

I just kept plugging away at it, put myself out there.

THE BIGGEST CHANGE FOR ME?

Go to a conference.

I am dead serious. It has been my NUMBER ONE growth maker for my blog.

SeattleMamaDoc 5 pts

I'm one of those newbies you speak of. Didn't even know my palpitations/worry/dread at times was such a shared perspective in blogworld. I'm not feeling jealous yet (ok, well maybe when I see Dooce has 1.6 million followers on twitter!) but impatience creeps into my world at times and I wonder how to share the word of my blog without the feeling of shameless self-promotion.

Thanks for the perspective, comaraderie, and hope you're shared...

www.seattlechildrens.org/seattle-mama-doc ( http://www.seattlechildrens.org/seattle-mama-doc )

loraleechoate 5 pts

Oh, that does suck. And hurt. And I get it to a degree.

II've had a hard year. I had to stop talking as much on line, deleted my reader and went through a high risk pregnancy where I was VERY ill and now have a 9 month old. My internet interaction has suffered and along with it?

My blog.

My comments are MUCH less than a year ago. I routinely got 60-100 comments per post. Now? I avearage 30-60 (With the odd post like this getting hundreds). My traffic has increased but the comments have not.

And ouch. No matter how big you are...OUCH.

It hurts when you see yourself as going backwards, doesn't it?

Just know YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN IT. I don't know if it ihelps and well...I know I sound bitchy because 50 is more than 5 but hey, it is all relative. I guarantee you that if you had my 60 and dropped by half? It would still sting.

Something else to consider is that it also isn't JUST you...

And, back in 2005 and 2006 you also weren't competing with Facebook and Twitter and Linkedin and all the other huge time sucks that take the time of the reading audience.

But man, I really feel for you here. xoxooxoxoxo

carolinagirl 5 pts

I get it.   I was just reading over my blog and deleting old spam.  I was going great guns in 2005 and 2006.  One post got 39 comments!  Then I got a disease (fibromyalgia) that put me in bed.  My posts became sad, and sometimes I couldn't even drag myself to the computer to post.  That really hurt.  Because back in those days, a blog could make it a lot faster than today with the overwhelming boom.  Back then people still asked me "what's a blog?" and that was only a few years ago..

I bounced back and starting writing quality, regular posts again, but I lost a lot of readers.  Today I get maybe 5 comments per post.    And it devastates me.

I feel sad when the people I started with are getting sponsored trips, cameras, party invites, etc.  I wish I knew how to get those things too.  I can't say I'm not writhing with envy.  At this point, no matter how great a writer I am (and the immortals have nothing to fear) I feel like I'm basically running in place.

loraleechoate 5 pts

Seriously...that is just grand. What a truly awesome idea. You're inspiring in your sharing of the love. 
(and yes...I totally relate to "be careful what you wish for") 

RobynnsRavings 5 pts

This may be the "eleventyhundreth" post about this but it's the first I've seen!  And I loved it.  I've had people wonder why I grew more quickly than they did and I've sucked lemons wondering why someone else skyrocketed and seemed to have every advantage.  After about a year of blogging I've come to some sort of peace (during this hour - ask me tomorrow).

I have a bazillion more things to write and never suffer from writer's block, just writer's time.  You can only do so much for free and justify empty pans and smelly laundry.  I have no idea how to balance it all so don't ask me.  I got nuthin.  But I can say blogging is something I do to create - it's for ME - that is, as long as someone else comes along and tells me I'm alright.  Yep, I'm secure.

I suppose I'd like to think of myself as an island.......but it's patently obvious I'm excessively bummed without tourists!

Great post!

gabriellek 5 pts

I remember the first week I was blogging (2 1/2 years ago) and I was so excited to jump all over and leave comment. Mistake one that I made...

I would write my comment, click submit and leave the site before doing word verify. 90% of my comment disappreared.

Then the next funny thing I did ws to leave comments on HUGE blogs like Pioneer Woman and such and actually think they read them. :) I remember the first time I saw that she got 11,000 comments on one post and I had a good laugh at myself.

First and formost blogging had to be ultimately for me, an outlet, a creative resource and finally to hone my writing skills.

Rusty Hoe 5 pts

I think it's great if uber-bloggers help out newbies but I hardly think it should be seen as a responsibility or obligation.  It seems sometimes that, like in life, some of those starting out have an expectation that someone will hold their hand to leap frog over the hard yards so they can rise to celebrity status overnight.  Many who are at the top of the blogging pile have worked damn hard to get there,  yes others were lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time with the right theme but they are the few. 

I say this as someone who did mentorothers in my work life, by choice, because I enjoyed it.  I worked hard to get where I was and used to get frustrated by new grads who thought they were owed a better position without the work, who thought I should drop everything becasue they had a question and wanted it answered now. On the other hand I loved mentoring those who worked hard, showed initiative and were willing to see the experience as a two way process.

I think if you want help you have to give something back in return. Any good mentoring is a two-way process.  Interact with a blogger you admire as a commentor, get a feel for them and their work.   Start a dialogue with them on email.  Show interest.  Support them in their blogging.  Some writers are clearly open to their followers, others are not.  Just because you follow their blog doesn't mean you know them anymore than you know your favourite actor. 

What about dong what we do in the real world.  If you want to enter a certain profession, you research, you study, you go to conferences, you do internships or work experience.  You take some responsibility for your own situation.  The same goes for blogging.  Mentoring should be but one part of the process.  Satisfaction in personal achievement should come from your own work not that of others. 

I say this as a very miniscule blogger.  I think mentoring is fabulous and should be encouraged but I think as bloggers we need to understand that when it comes down to it its up to us to do the hard yards.

phdinparenting 5 pts

I don't think there is an inherent obligation for bigger bloggers to promote smaller bloggers.

That said, I think each blogger needs to ask herself what type of person she wants to be and what her goals are. Personally, I am in blogging for community and to try to promote and inspire certain types of change. So, if I find a smaller blogger who I think is doing a great job, then I think it helps my community and my goals if I promote her blog.

I discover a lot of new blogs via people who leave comments on mine. Some of them become some of my favourite blogs and I promote them regularly. Some of them have even had to give me a tongue-in-cheek thank you for sending them some of my rather ...ummmm.....interesting....commenters (be careful what you ask for!).

That said, I think everyone has different tastes in blogs and writing. There are lots of people whose company I enjoy. I love talking to them on twitter and I enjoy their comments on my blog, but I don't necessarily read their blogs regularly. Not because they are not good, but because I have so many things to do and can only have a select few blogs on my regular reading list.

To ensure that I made my rounds, gave some comment love, and promoted some of the people who comment on my blog, I participated in IComLeavWe a while back and rather than commenting on the few blogs it encourages you to comment on during the week, I commented on hundreds of blogs over the course of the week, featured one post each day, and listed/linked to all of the other ones I commented on.

Here is a link to the first day of 7 days of IComLeavWe that I did on my blog: http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/11/21/icomleavw...

Annie @ ( http://phdinparenting.com ) PhD in Parenting

inwonoh 5 pts

Wow, I'm surprised this topic has sparked so many comments. I've had a blog of some sort for ten years now. I suppose I have a few more readers than I did when I started, but I would never consider myself A-List (or B. Or C. Or D. HA.). I look at the stats occasionally, but it's never been the reason I've blogged. 

I like being  part of the BlogHer network because of all the new blogs I've found through it. I've never expected it to pay for my bills or be a real source of income. And NO, I've never thought I'd become as famous as Heather Armstrong or any of the other big-time bloggers out there. I think that if fame and money are the sole reasons you're blogging, you're going to be very disappointed when it doesn't happen. Or at least there's a very good chance it won't happen.

Sorry, I'm sure a lot of people have said this already (and more eloquently). Bottom line? Some people do very well through blogging. Let's be happy for them. Let's support each other. 

-Amy
Amy blogs over at This Northern Life ( http://thisnorthernlife.com ).

phdinparenting 5 pts

I also write about pregnancy and parenting. When I write informational posts, I often try to ask people a question at the end of it. People love to share their own stories, but they sometimes need to be encouraged to do so. So when I recently shared some research on how many ultrasounds the average Canadian gets (more than recommended!), I asked people how many ultrasounds they had and I got a TON of comments. Seems everyone just wanted to share their stories.

Annie

PhD in Parenting ( http://phdinparenting.com )

ramblin red 5 pts

OMG, been reading my mind?  Heartily agree with every last thing you said, even though I am a small-timer, I have btdt with the bloggy jealousy enough to know your words are pure truth :)
Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child
http://www.ramblinred.com ( http://redheaded-step-child.blogspot.com/ )

superdumb 5 pts

Last year was the first time I attended BlogHer and I met several busy, popular bloggers who exclaimed "oh, you were one of the first commenters on my blog!" I was slightly jealous because they are so far and away beyond my blog as far as subscribers and stats and "reach" go, even though we've been online about the same amount of time. I had to remind myself that these "A-list" bloggers work hard to keep in the spotlight and connect with advertisers and basically build their brand. Of course they've grown! If I want to get there, I'd have to do more mingling and putting myself out there, instead of dwelling on why I'm not more popular. Duh.

Naomi

http://www.superdumbsupervillain.com/

loraleechoate 5 pts

It absolutely IS a FASCINATING discussion (in fact they are syndicating another whole post from me about it and dude you NEED TO PIPE UP when it publishes! HEE!)

I could totally go on, but I have to save SOMETHING for the other discussion. :)

You are totally delightful and pretty dang funny.

(Also? I am fond of parenthesis)

;)

justlinda 9 pts

Apologies - another double post.

JustLinda fabulously imperfect Nothing to See Here... Just Linda ( http://justlinda.net )