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Today's topic: Jealousy in the blogosphere. Or envy, feeling left out, whatever emotion you want to add to it.
I am not the first to write about this. I’m not the second, tenth or probably even the eleventyhundredth to type out my thoughts and feelings about blogging jealousy. I am also pretty sure that many people have written about it far more eloquently than I am about to.
I need to because a reader sent this to me, and it really touched me because I can relate to a lot of it.
I hope this doesn’t come off as mean, but I am eaten alive by jealousy of your blog and other big bloggers. You have so many friends and so much traffic and I even though I check your blog almost obsessively, I also have so much envy that I am beginning to think it is unhealthy.
I try to comment on blogs and still only have a reader or two. You’ve never commented on my blog and while I understand that you have a lot going on, I still get hurt, but then I feel like a pouty kid on the school bus and am ashamed. I’m actually crying here. How stupid is that?
It seems like so many people I read have success after success while I try but seem to fail. I expect it from some of the snarkier bloggers.
I can’t even seem to get the attention of the nice bloggers.
You aren’t the only one that I am talking about, but you are the place where I can vent this anonymously and get it off of my chest.
I really admire you and think that your blog is wonderful. I hope that this didn’t come off as too mean, I am just having a hard day.
I felt for this commenter. So many feel this way, and it can really start to eat at you and sour your online life. It got me thinking about my own feelings of inadequacy and jealousy that I struggle with. There are a few salient points that I would like to talk about, if you don’t mind.
Having traffic doesn’t make negative feelings like inadequacy magically disappear.
I doubt that there are many bloggers out there who would label themselves as “popular,” and I certainly don’t classify myself as that. I am very aware that I have awesome and loyal readers and commenters AND I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR IT, but it doesn’t mean that I am not critical about myself. On those down days when I overanalyze everything I start writing “The List” of things that are negative.
I could go on and on and ON about the things that I think I am inadequate at or have been excluded from that good friends have been privileged to enjoy. And it stings and sucks sometimes. I am so genuinely excited and thrilled because all of them truly deserve it, but I am human and want to participate, too.
When I first joined BlogHer in 2006, everyone was at the height of conference excitement. Even though I was happy for those going I also wanted to make badges that said, “I’m NOT going to BlogHer, and you all can just BITE ME!”
I hated that I wasn’t going and hated how jealous I felt of those who jetted off to Chicago. So, I made a plan. I worked and saved. I reached out to people that were going. I did everything I could to prepare. That doesn't mean that it was not without trial, but I was DETERMINED to have an amazing time despite the situations that can sometimes flare up when you put 1,500 bloggers together. I wanted to have an amazing experience. And I did. It was one of the best times I have ever had, and it was more so because I worked so hard to make it happen.
The best that we can do as bloggers is to realize that EVERYONE has feelings of negativity, jealousy, inadequacy, the key is to try to make those turn into motivation and to not let them keep us from our goals.
Most bloggers have many more failures than successes. Also, don’t take it for granted that awesome things just “happen” to bloggers. You may not know the full story.
I fail much more than I succeed. Not that I haven’t had some successes with blogging, I have. I've had speaking opportunities, been in
