Hey Ladies

Unprofessional Cookery

So the other night I was sitting around at the Easter dinner table trying to contemplate the Hiroshima of carbohydrates that I was about to consume.  Biscuits!  Potatoes!  The looming threat of dessert to come!  I quivered in anticipation and future regret as I met the plutonium of my waistline’s undoing: Haluski.  Buttery, salty, full of simple carbohydrates.  Game over.  One piece swimsuit city, book me a ticket.

What is this perfect trifecta of greasy goodness that I speak of?  Haluski is a Polish dish consisting of cabbage that has been slowly rendered down in butter (or bacon grease) and tossed with egg noodles or potato dumplings.  It’s the epitome of Slavic comfort food- beige in color, heavy as lead and completely addictive.  I did my part at that dinner table that night, laying waste to a good percentage of that dish.

I figured that this would be the perfect dish to feature today as its also Dyngus Day, which I also find fascinating.  Dyngus Day, or Easter Monday, isn’t really a holiday celebrated much in America but it’s kind of a big thing in Poland.  The gist of the holiday is that on Easter Monday all the eligible bachelors load up water guns, buckets and what have you in order to soak the ladies that they have their eyes on.  Depending on where you go, the randy gents  also lightly whip their intended with switches.  (There is nothing like saying “I like you” to a girl than whipping them and throwing water.  Am I right?)

The ladies, however, get to seek their revenge on the following day.  On Easter Tuesday they’re encouraged to throw dishes at the eligible bachelors as well as toss water back at them.  I Spy and equal rights indeed.

So, while the legions of beautiful Polish teenagers make the fine streets of Greenpoint a virtual war zone slash wet tee shirt contest in the upcoming days, I figured that this might be a good time to make that Haluski again…  while seeing if Spanx is going to be making swimwear this year.  Enjoy.



-1 medium sized head cabbage

-1 large yellow onion

-1 large package of egg noodles

-1 stick unsalted butter (or more!)

-Kosher Salt

-Cracked pepper

How to:

1. Half and core the cabbage.  Slice each half lengthwise and slice crosswise into 1/8″ strips.  Do this for all four quarters and set aside.

2. Peel and slice the onion along the grain into 1/8″ strips.

3. Melt the stick of butter in a large saute pan over low heat.

4. Add the cabbage and onions to the warm saute pan.  Slowly cook the vegetables down until they are thoroughly browned and completely soft.  Season to taste.

5. Cut the heat on the vegetables.

6. As the vegetables are cooking down, bring a pot of salted water to a rolling boil.  Add the egg noodles.

7.  When the noodles are soft, drain them completely. Then turn the heat on low again with the sautee pan.

8.  Add the noodles to the vegetables and toss to coat.

8.  If the dish looks dry, mount the dish with pats of butter and fold it in to incorporate and melt.  Check the seasoning.

9. Serve the dish hot.

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