I was going to write a post, at my friend Viviane’s urging, about women sex bloggers who are persecuted and their blogs shut down because their frankness offends members of their extended real world community, but I think the real issue we need to talk about is the high price women are made to pay, again and again, both for being sexual and for speaking their mind.

It’s not about the blogs, you see, it’s about the right for complete self expression. In other words, it’s about being silenced.

In my view, as much as we have strong women coming forth to share their experiences and beliefs, the culture at large is still making those who don’t fit the standard models—whether because of their sexual practices or their social mores—pay a price, and this is particularly true for women.

Many 70’s era feminists wrote endlessly about male privilege and gender bias, but today, in the third wave feminst Millennium, when women have appropriated the images of hooker, stripper and slut for their own purposes (think Paris Hilton, Audacia Ray, and Suicide Girls), the issue isn’t so much how we are seen, but being allowed to speak. The standards for men and women speaking out, as much as things have improved, are still biased and women are no less immune from being criticized and even ostracized for owning their truth. And this is true not only in the sex world, but in the tech community as well.

(Recent situations that come to mind are the Mike Arrington/Shelley Powers dust up over photographer Lane Hartwell’s decision to pull down a popular Richter Scales song/video because it contained an unauthorized and uncredited image, and the closing down of the Renegade Goddess blog because people in her public life—which was not actually discussed or identified on her blog—felt it jeopardized her professional life and the organization she represented.)

What this means is both that women’s private selves—Sasha of the Renegade Goddess writing about exploring her sexuality—and their public selves—Shelley Powers commenting on a fairly public debate around copyright and fair use—become hobbled and constrained because others—men and women alike--have no hesitation in jumping in with judgments, opinions, blame that quickly devolves into an silenced woman dynamic.

(As I write this, I imagine my friend Dave Winer saying that women are always accusing men of being sexist--my answer to that would be that point I want made is that our culture—women and men alike—is quick to censure and blame when anyone, but women especially, step outside the mainstream of what are accepted roles to share their own point of views.)

It takes courage to say you what think, to own your truth, to show up as present and accountable every day, to have enough confidence to write what you think is right, no matter what the topic is.

In the Bay area tech community, it’s danah boyd and Shelley Powers and Grace Davis who consistently speak their truth, popular or not. In the Bay area sex and feminism community, it’s Violet Blue and Susie Bright whose integration of what they believe and how they live is presented, seamlessly and relentlessly, in their blogs and writing. On the East coast, I’d call out Rachael Kramer Bussel , Audacia Ray and Chelsea Summers around sexuality and feminism and Susan Crawford as a tech voice.

But they’re not enough—and they struggle with the same issues the rest of us do.

Writing just a few days ago, Violet Blue, triggered by an ex’s significant birthday and memories of conflicts within Survival Research Labs, a group she belongs to,SRL , wrote the following as part of a longer (and beautiful) post: "Many confuse my blog for fiction. It is not. It is a fucking memoir for as long as I last. I stand hexed under the banner of fucking and blogging, though I have not lost my faith..(snip)… I know I can leave a legacy because I have nothing left to fear; I have nothing and have lost everything. I pay and I pay and I pay.”

In an earlier entry, eight month ago, Blue talked about the passion she had to share perspectives around alternative and disfranchised (read unheard) communities. Identifying with marginalized groups—or with their experience of being marginalized.

Blue wrote “ My entire life's work, aside from spreading sex-positive sex information around because it's the best contribution I can leave behind (and the most subversive), is communicating through (or rather, gaming) media on behalf of communities. With communities like LGBT, trans, BDSM -- all sexual minorities, persecuted, attacked -- I establish trust with them through my actions and character. I prove that I deserve their trust; with trust I get access to tell their stories. That trust, in my life, has been valued higher in some cases than my livelihood, my freedoms, and even lovers.”

Much of the rest of that post describes, in painful detail, differences in perspective and attacks Blue experienced from other members of the Survival Research Lab (SRL) community and the ways that she felt she was being pushed to silence (—very much by the women in the group, incidentally.)

To paraphrase bell hooks, in a world where women are constantly confronting issues of censorship, it’s important that women resist silencing, and that everyone who wants to maintain a diverse community of voices actively work to protect that right and push against all encroachments upon it.

Furthermore, even though women have tried to take back the terms whore, cunt, slut, bitch and redefined them as feminist and sex positive mantras, we have to remember that they still retain their power to wound, especially when they are coupled with the not yet redeemed freak, fattie, crazy lady and troublemaker—insults that are trotted out as an all too effective way to freeze and silence just about every person they are directed at. We should be aware that scorn, ridicule and insults are common tactics for discrediting someone’s authority and right to speak—and that they can lead to further attacks and censure.

While what happened to Renegade Goddess for sharing her journey (loss of her job and a possible lawsuit) may not be typical of what others experience for speaking out, it’s not an isolated example (remember Dooce). And every time one woman is attacked and silenced, it has the effect of reminding the rest of us that our freedom to speak just as fragile and conditional—especially if our views are out of the mainstream.

The takeaway from reading this essay, friends, should be to support a diversity of viewpoints and voices—so that your own voice and those of people whose views you support are not someday silenced and devalued,.

Related Blogs:

Viviane's Sex Carnival
Grace Davis
Violet Blue
Audacia Ray

Susie Bright
Dave Winer
Rachael Kramer Bussel
Shelley Powers
Chelsea Summers

The Renegade Goddess