For His 50th Birthday Your Husband Asked You for a Threesome

For His 50th Birthday Your Husband Asked You for a Threesome

For His 50th Birthday Your Husband Asked You for a Threesome

Let me start by saying that this is not an uncommon request.  Even in the suburbs.

As your husband enters mid-life, he starts compiling his ‘bucket list.’  On this bucket list, he may want to travel to Africa, he may want to run a marathon, and yes, he may want to experience a threesome.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your husband having this fantasy.  All men have fantasized about having sex with 2 women at the same time.  The fantasy is about being like a god or a rock star.

OK, but back to basics.  What is your reaction to this indecent proposal?  Do you laugh it off and pretend that he never asked?  Do you feel angry and offended?  Do you feel pressured into having sex with another woman?  Or are you flattered and excited by the notion? 

Let’s break it down into pros and cons. 

If you give him a threesome for his birthday:

Advantages:

  • You give your husband the gift that he wants.
  • Your husband feels safe expressing his sexual fantasies with you.
  • You get to have an interesting sexual experience together.
  • Being open to sexual experimentation may enhance the quality of your relationship.

Disadvantages:

  • You may be disturbed by seeing your husband with another woman.
  • You may feel jealousy toward the other woman.
  • Your husband may end up keeping in touch with this 3rd party person.
  • You may end up feeling that you compromised your morals or did something because you felt pressured by your husband.

If you give him a set of golf clubs for his birthday:

Advantages

  • You protect the boundaries of your marriage.
  • You don’t take any unnecessary risks in your relationship.

Disadvantages:

  • Your husband may feel humiliated because he had genuinely hoped that you would consider the idea.
  • He may be angry that you don’t care about making him happy.
  • You may experience a fear that your husband will cheat on you or divorce you because you’re ‘no fun in bed.’

When faced with this request, there is no right or wrong answer.  The best thing to do is to have an open conversation with your husband about his fantasy and try to figure out, together, what the best answer is for your relationship.  

 

 

Lauren Napolitano, Psy.D.

Licensed Psychologist

lauren@laurennapolitanopsyd.com

www.laurennapolitanopsyd.com

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