Holiday Fruitcake Recipe

Holiday Fruitcake Recipe

1 Cup water
1 Cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 Cups dried fruit
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 Cup sugar
lemon juice
nuts
1 bottle Whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.  
Take a large bowl.
Check whiskey again to be sure it's of the highest quality.
Pour 1 level shot and drink well.
Repeat.  
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 tsp. sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still okay.
Try another shot.
Turn off the mixer.
Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl, chuck in the dried fruit.  
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with
a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt.  Or something.  Who cares?
Check the whiskey.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.  Spoon.  Of sugar or whatever you can find.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin to 350 buhgrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Throw the bowl out the window.
Check the whiskey again.
Go to bed.
Who the fruit likes heckcake anyway? 

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