Holidays! (with sex and hidden agendas) Part 2
By Cakes McCain on April 26, 2012
The sooner I can get on a plane to Denver, the better. I originally thought perhaps September, but I am not certain my patience will endure. I need a swignificant dose of real North American debauchery ie. Alcohol, sex, shopping, half-litre cappuccinos, and enormous weekend breakfast buffets... I'm thinking, at the latest August.
I haven't spoken with 'The Engineer' very much since his offer/declaration of: "If you want to visit let me know, think I can splurge on a plane ticket for you." Then again that's just like him - not so great at answering emails, or up on any correspondence for that matter... but when in the zone - he's full on. I'll need to figure this all out - and soon, while the offer is still fresh, and before there is some mishap, or he does something stupid - like get a girlfriend (then all bets are off.)
Feeling a little high-strung...
However here on the home front... I confess, 'Luke Wilson-Bike Mechanic' is still not officially off the Cakes McCain roster. After I (more or less) wrote him off, and was about to cancel his ass off my FB friends list... A couple of weeks ago he made a surprise reappearance in my inbox à la:
"Sorry, I haven't been present recently. I don't see you much on Fb chat recently either. Hope all is going well.... Not much to report on my end... Anyhow, hope to hear from you soon..."`
Maybe I should have 'ùnfriended' him - After all, before this he had openly admitted he would have trouble resisting the UGG-boot Rebound-Skank's "pumpkin pie" and in a short FB text declared that he was "getting into trouble," which led me to believe that he and the 'Boot-Skank' were probably riding the banana seat together.
I really don't want to know.
However now, I get the distinct feeling that doesn't seem to be the case. Why am I jonesing to meet this guy?
- Morbid (narcissistic) curiosity - because he is the harder-core male version of Cake's McCain (with less tact) packing a Formula 1 libido?
- Because he is learning to play Hotel Yorba on the guitar? (Be still my heart)
- Hasn't got a personality that is at par with sawdust? (unlike 'The Englishman')
- Would never rake me over the coals for using the F-word, and often says things to the effect of: "You bet your ass."
- Simply because I have been thinking non-stop about how much I'd really like to sleep with him and somehow feel he'd do a smash-up job (pile)driving me home.
... and his email from last Thursday?
There is something very disturbingly narcissistic about all this...
Again I wonder what Freud would say.
(Art by Nick Dewar)
"Hey Cakes, I hope we get to meet sometime and evolve our relationship to something more than sharing Youtube links with each other, however, for now I offer you this video. Perhaps you have already seen it... "
But I've been smart about it and playing it cool since re-connecting with him. He may have the tendency to be fickle, and I am also not about to become his, or anyone's 'rebound-girl.' I am keeping some distance, and my moves are strategic... It's not very difficult to calculate literal responses as he is the quasi-Cakes McCain with a penis, and echoes a similar economy with words (when I am drunk.)
But what is HIS agenda? To definitely get off his rumpus and travel halfway cross-country to sleep on my couch for 'The Sleepover First-Date' and "evolve our relationship" past Youtube links? I'll believe it when I see it.
One month ago in an FB text he wrote:
"I think women want to get to know men do decide if they want to have sex with them, and men want to have sex with women to decide if they want to get to know them. I didn't make that up, I read it somewhere - and it sort of makes sense."
And here we go again with this 'hosting dates' scenario...
What if HE shows up instead?
On E-how.com you can read how to behave on a date but not what to do if you live in a remote village in a country full of sleazy MacDaddy man-whores, and have to take in weekend borders from other regions - just to GET a date. I hate that it has to be this way. They would get to see me in my pyjamas, woo hoo! Should I also inform my dates ahead of time that they couldn't get better oral from Turin to Sicily? There goes the mystery. In the civilized world I can have a simple coffee with someone and size him up as to whether or not he's got potential, and if not I can escape effortlessly with some lame excuse ie. my dog needs his diabetes shot. When there are airplane tickets and luggage involved, there is no escape.
The 'Sleepover First-Date' definitely needs a concrete, all bases covered, carefully exercised, yet paced plan of action...
Let's ponder this shall we?...