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25 years ago, planning holiday family gatherings was easy. We lived in Fayetteville, NC and both families lived in Charleston, SC. We would simply strap Jenn into her car seat and drive the 3 hours and 45 minutes it took to get "home".
Once we were there, juggling the family gatherings was also easy. My family always had early dinners and my in-laws always had late dinners. We ate a ton of food, but there was no scheduling angst. Christmas present giving and receiving was equally easy, my family got up early and my in-laws did not. It made for a long day with a baby but holidays are always long.
Flash forward a few years and holiday family gatherings were even easier... we were always too far away and too broke to go home and our parents had the same problem. For more than 15 years, we had no large extended family gatherings.
Life changed, I got divorced, I moved south (as did my ex and my grown daughter) and I entered into a relationship with TW and her three kids. Holiday family gatherings were a wee bit harder, trying to make sure all of the kids got time with all of their parents (and siblings) is a little complicated but still doable. Extended family gatherings with TW's family in Denver have not been possible. Extended family gatherings with my family have been easier - we simply packed up and drove the 5 hours to Charleston and celebrated a little bit every day with my family (and my ex in-laws - my ex MIL loves TW lol.)
This year, we're struggling to figure out how to be together for the holidays and I just don't know how to make it work. As hard as it is to write this, I don't think it is going to work.
TW and I (and the three little kids) are in Illinois. Jenn is in Charleston. Michelle and Chris are in Florida. We can't all fly (or drive) to Charleston and then pay for hotels or house rentals. We can't afford it. Michelle and Chris need to go to Charleston to visit their dad and my ex in-laws, so just having everyone come here for Thanksgiving and Christmas doesn't work either.
When Michelle and Chris were here to celebrate my birthday, one of them asked what we were going to do about Christmas. The small kids seemed shocked that there was any question - of course Chris and Michelle (at least) would be here. They have to be here. We can't have Christmas without them. We MUST take the traditional (and also horrible) kids on the stairs photo. Hah, it should be so easy as that - to just be able to say "Of course you'll be here".
I called my ex MIL for her birthday and to congratulate her on her new granddaughters and she said, "I hear you're still going to come for Christmas." Ugh. I stammered out an "I don't know what we're going to do..." Ugh. Just, ugh.
Every couple of days one of the big kids calls me or sends an email or text message asking me what we're going to do about the holidays. Bah. They're grown up! They should decide their holiday travel on their own - but they won't because they are looking to me to find the perfect solution. There isn't a perfect solution and this weekend we're all going to discuss the problem - and come up with a less than perfect solution.
It was so much easier 25 years ago. It was easier 10 years ago, when I wasn't so used to seeing my entire family for the holidays.
Here are some folks talking about visiting family for the holidays - or not visiting them, as the case may be:
~~Denise
Flamingo House Happenings
