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My beat here at BlogHer usually covers two very different topics: Reality TV and BlogHer Conferences. So imagine my writer's block when I was asked if I would post my perspectives on Mother's Day...as a woman who is childless by choice. Let's just say I don't spend a lot of time thinking about it, you know?
But I was pushed into thinking about it a couple of weeks ago, and that's the story I will tell.
Two weeks ago, on my way up to Santa Rosa for a conference, I stopped in San Francisco to talk to a reporter. I thought the subject of our meeting was going to be BlogHer's recently released social media study, and I was very prepped to talk about the data and to interpret that data.
Turns out, though, that the reporter was writing a Mother's Day piece and wanted to talk about how blogging is changing parenting. D'oh! Not my usual area of expertise, or at least not something I can discuss from a personal point of view.
I have known since at least the onset of puberty that I didn't plan to have kids. People always thought I would change my mind...some insisted...but I felt quite certain they would be proved wrong. Even late last year, when at the age of 43 I got married, I was amazed at the people who would ask if we planned to have kids. OK, maybe some of them didn't realize how old I was exactly, but even when I would tell them they would respond by telling me it could still be done.
I am willing to concede that perhaps in my younger days my adamant lack of interest in having kids was partially rooted in feelings that were "fixable"...I didn't think I'd make a good mom; I didn't think I'd ever find someone I'd trust to be a good dad; I didn't think bringing a kid into this screwed up world was "fair." Perhaps I had a dark world-view.
But as I got older...and got more well-adjusted...my feelings about my own abilities, and the goodness of others and the world in general may have lightened, but it didn't "fix" my lack of desire to be a mom. So, while I no longer thought bringing a kid into the world wouldn't be fair...I just didn't think it was necessary...for me.
Yes, I think a part of me still thinks I wouldn't be that good at it. From my observation, moms work hard...and constantly...and on too little sleep. I have a hard enough time dealing with grown-ups in that condition! But bottom line: I haven't woken up in my 40s and suddenly felt regrets or a void in my life. I'm childless; I always meant to be, and that's working out fine for me.
So what on Earth did I tell this reporter, after exhausting my data on the subject and knowing that she was looking for something to illustrate that data? Of course I told her about my cats. (Collective groan begins....now!)
Actually I told her about how I dealt with it when my elderly cats starting having health problems. How I turned to the Internet to find people like me who were dealing with similar issues. How people I met online gave support and information and advice...and sometimes even passed on medical supplies they no longer needed. How I offered my own advice in a how-to post about giving sub-cutaneous fluids to my cat with kidney disease...and how that post still generates a lot of traffic for my blog. And how that makes me feel good...not because it's generating traffic, but because it means I'm helping someone get through something that was hard. Which is satisfying.
When you look at the data from our survey, that's the story that it tells: people are seeking information, advice, community and connection with others who are going through what they're going through. I don't have to be a mom to know that it's incredibly rewarding and demanding, and that blogging has provided both an outlet to share what we are going through, and an inlet for good advice, comfort, support...and the occasional laugh in spite of ourselves.
Happy Mother's Day everyone. I'll be seeing my own mom for brunch tomorrow, having donated money in her honor via our BlogHers Act widget. I'll be seeing my sister and her two kids, and my sister-in-law and her three kids...and I'll be enjoying being Auntie to all 5 of them :) And I'll
