My dad is in the hospital this week. We found out last Monday that he had a tumor in his colon that was possibly cancerous. This was extremely shocking and disturbing news, especially considering he just had emergency surgery in February for an aneurysm and a valve defect in his heart. But, his surgery went off without a hitch and he's recovering beautifully, thank God. Because, honestly, I don't think there was enough wine on the continent to appease my mom had there been something horribly wrong where my dad is concerned.
I came up to the hospital today to visit my parents and wound up taking my mom out to lunch. We went to a dessert bar (which actually has delicious sandwiches, except for the the funky cheese that had a distinct aftertase of feet...) and had a wonderful time! We were able to talk about everything that's been going on with our lives lately. We topped off the event with chocolate martinis. Always a winner. (Also, I would like to point out that my father was asleep this entire time, and hence we should NOT feel bad about leaving the hospital to go eat and drink wine/martinis/champagne [don't judge me]. At least that's what I keep telling myself).
Anyway, during this time, I wound up having a revelation concerning my life/career choices. It's actually quite simple and I don't really know why I haven't come to this realization yet:
I AM TOTALLY NOT HAPPY DOING WHAT I DO.
As I've mentioned before, I work in an office environment. And while my job isn't the worst, it just isn't a slam dunk for me. I realize I am fully capable of performing any menial task they may give me to do...but for some reason I can't seem to wrap my head around it. I am forgetful, I don't remember to do the stupidest things...I get so stressed SO easily, and it just makes me unhappy doing what I'm doing. The other people I work with don't seem to have this issue. Just me. So my epiphany is this: my mind clearly does not work this way. I day dream. A LOT. I have a hard time focusing. I get SO claustrophobic sitting in my office. I want to create something beautiful, not crunch numbers and type on a calculator. I hate this and I need something more fulfilling to do with my life. At this point, I have no other choice but to continue doing this job. I have to make money and survive, and I have a mortgage to pay, people! But I need to find my niche.
I know this is corny, but I would love to be a writer. I'm thinking about taking some creative writing courses and get back into the swing of things. That's one of the reasons I started this blog, just to get the proverbial juices flowing...But, I guess we'll just see what happens. Mayble this will be my thing...