Imagine having sex on a regular schedule. You haven’t just “penciled in” a romantic night on your calendar, you’ve put it “in ink.” Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Saturday. Again on Sunday. It’s called “timed sex.” It sounds good at first because you know it’s coming. You can anticipate it with excitement.
You know it will happen. You expect it. You need it. It’s important. You’re trying to conceive a baby, and you must have sex on several days right before your peak ovulation day and then afterwards just to make sure. Depending on your ovulation cycle, it could be possible that you must have sex at a particular “time” of day.
You’ve got one shot to hit the target. One opportunity to make “it” happen. Hopefully, you’ve used an ovulation test to identify your most “fertile window” of opportunity–those crucial days of the month when you can conceive.
So, how about your emotions? What about foreplay? What about the anticipation of the moment?
Well, all that goes out the window when month after month you “plan” sex in order to conceive. Unfortunate, but so very true. When you’re in the midst of infertility challenges, your sex life can suffer. Your mind gets focused on the big picture goal (having a baby) and it’s hard to focus on “having fun” in the bedroom. Maybe you’ve been taking hormones. Maybe you and your partner are emotionally fried from the disappointments of unmet expectations. Infertility takes a big toll on women and men.
Hopefully with a little thoughtfulness and foresight, sex doesn’t have to be monotonous. Consider the following suggestions.
Tips for Reviving Your Sex Life:
1. Set normal expectations. Don’t expect to have “hot” sex five times a week, when you’re possibly depressed or struggling with fertility issues. Focus on being loving to one another and take things slow.
2. Eat chocolate. Chocolate contains a stimulant, phenylethylamine which induces a sense of well-being and excitement that is conducive to lovemaking, according to Dr. Diana Hoppe, author of Healthy Sex Drive, Healthy You.
3. Change things up! Don’t wear your old sweats or baggy boxers to bed. Throw caution to the wind where underwear are concerned. Lingerie is not just for women! Men can spice things up by wearing a fashion-forward G string. Lots of retailers carry interesting colors and prints for men.
3. Set the stage. Take time to de-clutter your bedroom. If you’re trying to get in the mood for sex, a pile of laundry in the corner of your bedroom can be a big distraction.
4. Think in color. Your bedroom should be a place where you feel relaxed. Choose colors to create a quiet tranquil effect such as blues, greens or a shade of lavender. You can also select colors that mimic skin tones, including rich earth colors such as terra cotta, copper and coral, as well as softer shades of cream, peach, tan and cocoa. If you really want to pump up the sexual energy in your bedroom choose passionate colors – deep burgundy and pomegranate or rich magenta and eggplant. Have fun!
5. Sex is mental. If you’ve been at work all day and feel frazzled, then you might find it diffucult to be ready to “perform” when the time comes. Take time to fantasize about your partner before the act. Sex is all in the mind.
6. Don’t be offended, if your partner says, “Honey, could you touch me here?” A little guidance never hurts. Think about it: No one knows your body like you do. Where and how do you liked to be touched? Share your “insider’s info” with your partner.
7. What’s in your playlist? Playing Funky Cold Medina by Tone Loc might not do the trick, but come up with a playlist that will create the mood.
8. Toys aren’t just for children. If you’re having problems with arousal, a vibrator could be used to help jump start your libido (libido is the drive that fuels the desire to have sex). This is a taboo subject for some, but if you’re desperate to conceive read on. “For women, orgasm leads to muscular contractions in her vagina and uterus, creating a type of vacuum effect. Since only 65 percent of semen is retained in the reproductive tract, a woman’s orgasm with this suction effect gives an extra boost to sperm, facilitating their ascent through her cervix and into her uterus, ultimately meeting the egg in the fallopian tube, ” Dr. Hoppe says.
9. Don’t forget touch! “Sexual intimacy includes many things in addition to intercourse, including caressing, holding hands, snuggling, foreplay, and feeling “connected” to your partner. When you feel this connection, many physiological chain reactions occur in your body – hormones are rushing to different parts of your body, brain chemicals interact with one another, and even your immune system strengthens! Emotional and physical intimacy serve a definite biological function, and their connection to your overall health is real. You might be very surprised to learn how intimately connected your level of sexual desire is to your general well-being,” Dr. Hoppe adds.