How Anal Are You? I Bet You Can't Beat This Level of Crazy:)))
Some higher power seems to be pointing out my anal quirks with urgent persistence lately; it’s been hard for me not to notice the things that drive me crazy. I decided it’d be fun to list the few I couldn’t or almost couldn’t help noticing this week and hope you’d also share yours so I don’t feel exceptionally abnormal.
This morning I was putting the lid on my coffee cup in the break room when it struck me: the way it works, the lid opening always has to face what I assume to be the front of the cup or it’s just not right and I cannot drink my coffee. How do I figure out where the front of the cup is? Well the coffee cups in the break room are from Green Mountain Coffee and they have pictures of the logo on one side of the cup and their tagline on the back. Where the logo is located is usually assumed to be the front, or place of prominence, so I naturally assumed that’s where I should be drinking my coffee from if I want it to go down smoothly. Trust me, I never thought of all this until this morning. I’m really not that anal. Or at least I hope I’m not, but this is not looking good. It’s something I’ve been doing out of unconscious habit.
This past Sunday I kept trying to take my mind off my pastor’s crooked tie as he stood in the pulpit passionately preaching the morning sermon. Ask me what he preached about and I probably couldn’t tell you and yet, I remember he was wearing a red and blue striped tie that was hanging a little to the left instead of straight down the middle. It was all I could do not to walk over to the pulpit and straighten it out for him.
I have a thing with men’s shirt collars too. Until recently, I had to fight myself for some restraint because I used to unconsciously find myself fixing the neck collars of total strangers. Thank God men like it when women touch them without their permission (they give you googly eyes and tell you you’re beautiful before they remember to say “thank you.” Women just call it sexual harassment right after calling you a perverted creep – depending on who’s touching them).
Before I cook, I have to make sure that the sink is squeaky clean and that there are no dirty dishes lying around. I am constantly wiping off the stove and kitchen counters for splatters, and washing lids and ladles, so that by the time I’m done cooking, it feels like I just ran a cleaning marathon and the fact that the stove has just been used to cook the thick pasty tomato stew is no longer evident.
I have more – like what direction the toilet paper should hang, what direction the paper towels should be facing on the standup towel rack, where the milk should logically be placed in the refrigerator versus where the juice and wine bottles go, why the refrigerator handle has to be wiped down every time I open the fridge even though I’m often the only one who touches it, which direction all my teacup handles MUST face in the kitchen cupboard that seems most sensible, why like plates must go together and forks and spoons should be facing away from the opening of the drawer and not towards it, why my car seat has to stay at a particular angle, why my clocks should all have different times so I’m never late but never right on time for anything, why I have to read the newspaper comics before diving into the news (I like to have a smile on my face while I read all the bad news that has happened in the last 24 hours), and why anyone who does all these things differently is considered abnormal – but I don’t want to sound completely anal, so I’ll let you share now:)))