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Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically…on children than the unlived life of the parent. — Carl Jung
The full truth of this quotation (provided in a comment on my last posting, Confessions of a Selfish Mother)
is up for debate, but it certainly captures the central point I was
trying to make: parents need to take care of themselves—finding their
own inner peace and joy—in order to best take care of others.
Last week readers raised the question of whether or not it would be
better to, say, save the planet or take care of women in a shelter,
than to spend time on yourself this Mother’s Day. I am all for altruism as a route to lasting happiness,
and spend a good deal of time volunteering myself. But, perhaps because
I am not surrounded by the “hopelessly idle” mothers one reader
criticizes, I tend to see the parents around me giving and doing for
everyone else first before taking care of their own needs. Depression is a not-uncommon outcome when, for whatever reason, we are unable to take care of our own emotional needs.
I say take the advice of the airlines: put on your oxygen mask first
and THEN help those around you. I’m not saying don’t help those around
you, but rather, that should you become faint from lack of oxygen, you
won’t be much good to anyone at all. Speaking for myself, I’ve found
that a certain core of peace and centeredness is necessary before I can
really be engaged in raising happy, compassionate, and altruistic
children.
So if you are thinking of buying the mother in your
life gobs of stuff this Mother’s Day, consider this: stuff won’t make
her lastingly happy, but there are other things that you can do that
can. And if you are a mother, consider taking the matter into your own
hands rather than waiting for a present to make your Mother’s Day a
good one. Here are some things you can do to that are more likely to
bring you real joy:
