HOW CAN I HAVE VAGINAL, NOT CLITORAL, ORGASMS

Q. I want to know how to have vaginal orgasms.  I don’t have orgasms without oral sex and my man feels like he doesn’t please me with his cock. I like fucking intensely but I don’t cum that way. It hurts him and us that I can’t cum with HIM. Help.

-Maris

A. Maris, there is no such thing as a vaginal orgasm and a clitoral orgasm: there is only ONE orgasm, from the erectile tissue of the clitoris. The clitoris is a large organ and sometimes it feels like the orgasm is centered more in the bulbs of the vestibule, which can be inaccurately interpreted as a vaginal orgasm, but no: it’s a clitoral orgasm. For the majority of women, stimulation to the head and shaft of the clitoris is what brings about orgasm, just as for men, stimulation of the head and shaft of their penis brings on orgasm.  When you’re having orgasms with your partner during oral sex, it’s the VERY SAME orgasm you would have if you were feeling your climax to be more centered in the bulbs of the vestibule.

Our sad sexist culture puts an emphasis on male domination and forces men to feel that they must have a mighty cock that brings dependent women to shattering orgasm. The pressure on both genders is destructive, cruel and unrealistic. Don’t buy into it. Rejoice that you have wonderful orgasms together, however you have them! (And you can always add a finger vibrator to stimulate your clit during penetration).

-Shain

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Shain Stodt is the founder of www.informedaboutsex.com and the founder/moderator of the Facebook page Radical Women Talk Sex. A Sex Educator (IASHS), author, and community activist,  Shain became involved in sex education with the New York Women's Center, where she worked with the pioneering Abortion and Birth Control Outreach project and lectured on sex education in the public school system. Shain also developed sexuality workshops for the Women's Center and other feminist organizations, and hosted a local cable program on sexual issues in New York City. She lives in North Carolina.

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