How Can You Have Healthy Sex After Horrible Experiences?
By angelashelton on October 30, 2011
So, you've been through a horrible experience sexually? Whether it was rape, incest, assault, abuse, humiliation or extremely bad parenting many people end up having bad sex lives in their adulthood due to past experiences. That blows.
- Can sex be enjoyable after you've been raped?
- How do I talk to my boyfriend about my issues with sex and being triggered ?
- Can I ever stop having dark violent fantasies?
- How can I stop running away from my boyfriend because I really like him? I wish it was Tues already, I need this answered like now.
Ah, sex. The grand taboo subject. First of all, I am terribly sorry that you went through anything that affected your sex life. Having a healthy sex life is both enjoyable, good for you and spiritually uplifting. Screw that jerk, whoever he, she or they were, for messing with your future by screwing with your past. But I'm here to tell you that you can heal and move on. You can and should and deserve a healthy life, including a healthy sex life.
How in the world do you do that? You practice.
Charlotte Kasl's book Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power is one of the best books I've ever read. The only thing I do not like about it is the title. I have since become friends with Charlotte and she says the same thing. It should be called People, Sex and Addiction instead. It is not a book you want to read without a book cover on the subway or the bus. Cover it up!
Get this book! I love it so much and it is so helpful. The above link is even an affiliate link so that I get a few cents if you get a copy. (read the disclosure I put on my site about links and ads and why I do it.)
Skip ahead to the end and read the section on having Spiritually Connected Sex. It is so true, so helpful and a must read for some one having issues with sex post trauma.
Here's a VIDEO of a Great Healthy Sex Technique:
The best way to heal is to have fun doing it. If you don't have a partner you can giggle with, consider finding a new love! If you are able to laugh during lovemaking, it not only helps ease any old pains that pop up, it makes everything more fun! Plus, sex can be funny. You do sometimes fart, you know. Even Dr. Oz says that.
It Doesn't Matter When You "Do It"
My mom is 65 years old and having the best sex of her life. Yes, I said that. And I didn't give it away, believe me she tells me via her emails about her super healthy and mind blowing orgasms. WHAT?? Yes, my mother tells me everything after she says something like "is this too much?" Just wait until I start reading Emails From My Mother, Too Funny Not To Forward! I've had permission to share them, so don't worry. I can't wait and will probably do it next month. They make me pee on myself they are so funny.
The point is that you should not give yourself an age limit to heal, try something new or to move on from your past - ever! I don't care what you've been through (well, I do care but you know what I mean). It's time for healing and nothing irritates me more than someone having a horrible sex life, or none at all, because of some jerk or jerks. Screw them! Well, actually don't screw them if they screwed you up! Forget them, heal from the pain, move on and reclaim your life and your bed! You deserve it. Don't let them take your bed away too. Jerks. It is perfectly okay, natural, fulfilling and spiritually liberating to have a great sex life.
I missed a question! Oops, I posted it on How To Talk to Your Boyfriend! If you like what I'm saying click below and share it on Stumble or FB or Tweet it and sign up to get my blog posts to your email. It's fun.