How to Date.
by Liz Rizzo

It's January! A time when many people find themselves ready to jump back into the dating pool. I thought I would take this opportunity to share what I've learned and how I feel about dating. As with anything, take what speaks to you, discard the rest, and feel free to share your own tips if you've got 'em.

1. Have fun. Oh, I know - it's so cliché. But early dates are not a heavy thing. It's meeting someone new - whether that person is interesting, or a funny story later. (In which case, you may need to repeat to self, "Humor comes from pain, humor comes from pain...)  So when you go out, try to think of it as an adventure and try to just have fun. Another thing that always helped me was something I read: If you're going to have to date 100 hundred frogs before you go out with a prince, you'd better get started. Whenever I had a bad date, I would think: OK, there's one in the bank of frogs, earning me my prince.

2. Be yourself. I don't care if you want to talk about ex's, call the next day, or be the asker outer. I don't care if you follow "The Rules" to a T. As long as you are being your authentic you. There are a million individuals in the dating pool. Be individual you and be proud of it - I'm convinced that's the only way anyone meets a match. Remember in "Swingers" when he calls "too soon" and she loves it? Be yourself.

If yourself involves screaming and crying about your ex, however, you may need to do some personal work before you get out there. Be your healthy, happy self.

3. Tell someone where you're going and what you know about your date. First few dates: Meet your date at the place. Consider scheduling a safety call, where a friend calls you halfway through the date.

4. Don't have sex on a first date. Or do. See item #2  (be yourself). Just be ready to be cool if your sexual timelines or philosophies don't match, or he pulls a double standard on you, or he doesn't want to wait for sex and you do. Stand up for who you are and what you want sexually, and respect where he's coming from, too.

5. If you're a drinker, you may want to skip the coffee date and go out for drinks. I had a date tell me that coffee always felt like a business meeting and so he took me out for drinks instead. You know what? It was more romantic. Be aware that nerves can make you less able to handle your alcohol - be smart - but consider ditching the coffee date. I had better luck ever after that. (Thanks, guy who didn't work out!)

6. Dress comfortably. For me this meant a first date outfit that was a little sexy, but not too busty and I knew that my bra straps weren't going to show, my shoes were comfortable, and I felt good. If you can, maybe go out a do a little shopping for "date clothes." The right outfit really can help you shine.

7. Be honest. You don't do anyone any favors with white lies when it comes to dating. If you know at the end of the date that you're not interested, you can find a way to simply say it. Then, there's no dreading the call. Or if you know when you get the call, be honest. Don't do a pity date. Why waste another person's time like that?

8. Go with your gut. I once called a guy on the day of a date and canceled. We'd had a conversation the night before that suddenly had me feeling really uncomfortable. I realized that I just flat out didn't want to go out with him anymore. Put yourself out there, take risks, but if you feel like a cat holding onto the side of a bathtub, desperate not to get wet, just listen to yourself and let that one go.

9. Listen to what your date is telling you about themselves. People will tell you all sorts of things about themselves. I once had a guy tell me, "I'm not good enough for you." You know what? He wasn't. Listen to stuff like that and don't let it fly by you. Often, the crazies will warn you to see if you'll stick around. Don't. Unless it's your kinda crazy.

10. Consider what you are saying about yourself. Listen to yourself. Do you put yourself down? Do you say negative things about yourself? For one thing, I'd say you need to think about why you think negative things about yourself, but the first step is, stop saying them! Talk about what you like about yourself, and then let your date decide.

If you're taking the plunge into dating in this new year, hats off to you! You are brave and fabulous and fun-loving, so go out there and have a good time!

And if you've got a tip I missed, please feel free to add it in the comments.

~

Online Dating Profile Clichés - Excellent post about how to put a little more thought into your online profile.

On Healthy Dating - There's some thoughtful advice here.

2008: the dating pipeline - Mimi from Sexagenarian and the City (a babyboomer’s adventures with jewish gentlemen in the new york dating scene) runs down her current prospects.

Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.

Comments

 

Great Tips Liz!

Two other tips that pop into my mind based on (years of) experience:

1. Don't go out with everyone and anyone who asks you out on a date. Instead, only select the suitors you are most interested in and politely refuse the others. Too many bad dates with people you aren't interested in can turn you sour on dating before you meet "the one"! Instead of going out on a bad date, take a hot bath, read a good book or meet your friends for a girl's night out.

2. If the man tells you why he broke up with his last girlfriend or why she broke up with him, don't dismiss the reasons. If he says: "She said I was being a bad boyfriend" ask "why would she say that?" Don't just think or say - "that's impossible." It's better to give the ex-girlfriend the benefit of the doubt unless you know she's a certified looney!

Helene
The Modern Woman's Divorce Guide
http://themodernwomansdivorceguide.com/blog

 

Good dating tips!

I love both of those, thank you.

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess.

 

Thank You!!

I know I'm leaving a comment many months after you first posted this,
but it's because I'm new here! : ) Great tips, especially since I think
I MAY try to really go for the dating thing, its so darn difficult
sometimes though! Thank you for the great tips!

 

L.L.