How To Handle A Queen Bee Mom (Without A Fist Fight)
Life is complicated. Thank goodness there are experts to help us untangle some of the vexing issues that, well, vex us on a daily basis. The Mouthy Housewives are here on BlogHerMOMS to help, three times a week. Email your pressing issues and questions to stacy.morrison at blogher.com to be answered in exclusive posts on Fridays. Today, we share one of the Greatest Hits from the Mouthy Files.
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
A couple of months ago, I signed my kids up for gymnastics. They love it, but I’m about to beat the crap out of this Alpha mom whose kid has been on the team for years. She’s talking about me to the other moms, telling them I’m rude because she couldn’t back her Suburban out of a parking space when my car happened to be across the road from hers (I moved my car but not fast enough). The next week, she was still loudly talking about it, so I stepped over to the group and told her that if she can’t drive a big car, maybe she should park somewhere else.
Now it’s two months later and she keeps giving me the stinkeye as well as pointing to my kid and making comments. (My kid is very talented and will probably make the team.) I’m there twice a week and it’s getting harder and harder not to snatch her up. Please give me some perspective on what to do.
Save Me From the Mean Mom
Dear Save Me From the Mean Mom,
Remember those bitchy, Queen Bee-type of girls from high school? The ones who always tried to make you feel bad about yourself? The ones who told you your fluorescent pink sweater from The Limited looked like dead bunny brains? THE ONES WHO SAID THAT GEORGE MICHAEL WOULD NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU AND YOU SHOULD ASK THE ONE-ARMED JANITOR TO PROM SO YOU DON’T DIE A VIRGIN?! HUH? DO YOU?
Yeah, me either.
What I do know is that mean girls sometimes grow up to be mean moms and clearly, that’s what you’re dealing with here. She’s obviously anointed herself Queen of the Cartwheels and, save a quick shanking in the ladies room with a sharpened bobby pin and a ceramic bust of Nadia Comaneci, there’s not a lot you can do about it. Just take a lot of deep, calming breaths and stay the hell out of her way.
Because here’s the thing: A 40-year-old mommy bully isn’t much different than a 10-year-old kid bully. If you don’t let her see she’s bothering you, she’ll simply lose all interest in stirring the pot. So when she glares at you or whispers about you or makes a snide comment, just try your hardest to put a little Mona Lisa smile on your face and ignore it. Jam earphones in your ears and listen to some Adele on your iPod if it helps. (Or some Justin Bieber, if you’re anything like Kelcey.)
I know diffusing a bully’s power is never easy, but trust me when I say that your indifference will hurt her way more than a mommy smackdown ever could. (But, um, if that does happen? Please put it on YouTube.) I really hope you’re able to figure this all out for your kids’ sake.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go put on my pink sweater. The one-armed janitor is waiting for me at the mall.