When we first started chatting about covering the issue of online safety, it was like stepping into the WABAC Machine. [Fellow Mr. Peabody addicts, watch here]

For 10 years, from 1994 to 2004, I worked for companies that developed Internet security software, chiefly web and spam filtering software. It was heady times. Over those 10 years, I was involved in the Supreme Court challenge to the Communications Decency Act,  testified about parental controls at the FTC and a Congressional Hearing, spoke at an OECD workshop in Paris, participated in numerous online safety workshops and even attended an event at the White House.

I believed then, as I do now, that the best protection is education and parental involvement. This may or may not involve using parental controls, but that choice belongs to the parents, not the government.

But back then, this was an intellectual decision. Now I have a nine  year old son going online, and everything is far more REAL. So I thought about it some more.

There are even more parental control software and “whitespace” web sites/communities now than there were five years ago. But can they really protect our kids?

I think they provide a first line of defense for younger kids, but once your children hit their teens, if you haven’t set a good educational base for how to deal with the multiplicity of challenges they will face (online and off), no parental control software is going to fix it.

As Devra wrote yesterday, it really is all about being there for your kids to explain what they run into online, whether it is inadvertently finding porn to running across hate speech. That means teaching them it is okay to broach difficult topics. You won’t freak out or cancel the FIOS account.

So, I haven’t changed my mind, and we don’t use any sort of parental control software. But I was curious what other parents were doing. So I did one of my totally unscientific Twitter polls. Because I am all about the not-science.

I asked: Are your children online and if so, do you use parental controls. Here’s what some of my Twitter and Facebook friends had to say:

@treerootandtwig --   Yes, my 11yo, 13yo, and 15yo are all online, and yes, MANY parental controls (I hold passwords, contact email is mine, etc).

@devivo --   yes 4 y/o goes online. No parental control software, but we limit to pbskids and star wars pages

@dtanton --   yes all of the kids go online and I have never used parental controls of any kind. I bet you aren't shocked.

@babysteph --  no- not yet. And my oldest is 8.

Mike D. -- Yes, but no we are not using parental controls. We do monitor as our desktop/family computer is in a corner of the living room (really no other place in house for it). Two of our kids, Z, 11 and N, 8, go online to shop (Bakugan via eBay) and play games, as well as look for Godzilla, Bakugan and Weird Al videos on YouTube.

Sarah C.  -- We have always allowed K. to go online and have never used parental controls. However, since it is the family computer, I do have all of her passwords.

Well, there’s a real consensus. Not. Now I suppose I *should* have been more scientific but never mind.

So here’s my thought, and a bit of a challenge for all of us. Can we create a BlogHer’s Guide to Internet Safety to share our experiences and recommendations to protect our kids online? At different ages of course and not a formal “Best Practices” or thinly-disguised promo for filtering software (yes I can spot these a mile away).

What works for us. What went down in flames of shame. What we need to know to be at least in step with the next phase of our kids’ online life. Forget about being ahead.  Wanna do it? Let me know and I’ll work with our esteemed community leaders to figure out how to make it happen.

Here’s my first contribution.

There’s a reason why Facebook, You Tube and other sites don’t allow accounts for children under the age of 13 and it’s not because they are “big meanies.” Or because (quite truthfully) they are that worried about your kids seeing adult content. They *may* be, but that’s not the reason your 12 year old can’t have a Facebook account.

They don’t want to violate the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act which requires specific privacy protections for sites that collect information from, and are used by, children under the age of 13 years.  

This law is why you have to jump through hoops to register your kid for an online site. My favorite was the one that asked us to FAX our permission for Doug to use the site.

So when your pre-teen kid asks for a Facebook account or complains about having to share your You Tube Account? Just tell ‘em -- it’s the law.

How old were your kids when they became textually active? Talk about it in the Family Connections Group now.