- Share This Post
- submit
- 5
-
Sparkle (0)
I have a number of really good friends who are males. I’ve known some of them for years (even if I don’t see them very often in person anymore), I met a few of them over the internet (I’ve seen them in person once or twice, but most of our contact is via blogs and email), and there are several guys that I hang out with on a regular basis. I don’t want to date any of these men; I place a huge value on their friendship and my life is better because they’re a part of it.
In fact, sometimes I disclose things to my male friends that I don’t talk about with my girlfriends. It’s not because I think the women wouldn’t want to hear it; I just like going to the guys for advice because I enjoy getting a male perspective on things. And you know what? A vast majority of the time, I receive terrific advice. I can think of one example in particular where I asked a male friend how I should handle a situation with another guy -- but I didn’t follow the advice he gave me, and I regretted it afterwards. (Arrgghhh...hindsight.)
(I also wrote about a situation recently where two of my guy friends rescued me from boredom on a Saturday night. It really made me realize how lucky I am to know people who will go out of their way like that.)
I have another example that came up not long ago. I had dated a guy for a few weeks back in November, but we’d stopped seeing each other before Thanksgiving. Several weeks passed and I was thinking about emailing him -- you know, just to say hi and ask how he was doing -- but before I did, I decided to consult a few of my guy friends and ask what they thought.
Both of them said the same thing: since we hadn’t split on bad terms, it wouldn’t hurt to send this guy an email. But, they said...he knows how to reach you. If he really wants to talk to you, he’ll make the effort to do so. One of my friends wrote this line, and it’s stuck with me ever since: "On the whole, I know this -- you're too good for people who can't be bothered to call you back."
Isn’t that fantastic? It was written by an internet-friend who’s married and has a family. We never hang out in person. But I count him as a friend, and I love that I can email him when I have a problem (or when I don’t have a problem, of course) and he’s always there with a response.
I started thinking about my guy friends after I read the post Liz wrote here on BlogHer: I Don’t Get Girls’ Night. As much as she enjoys her regular monthly get-togethers with her female friends, Liz said she would prefer if males were included as well. Unsurprisingly, I’m in complete agreement. There are definitely situations where I hang out with my girlfriends without a male around, but in my mind there’s no reason to specifically shut them out.
One of the things Liz touched on was that some of the husbands/boyfriends of the ladies in her group might not feel comfortable if the group was mixed-sex, which is one of the reasons they keep it women-only. While it could be easy to say, “These people are just friends! It’s dumb for their partners to get jealous!” I understand that it’s a very real issue.
I’ve dated guys who knew I have male friends that I hang out with, and while they haven’t specifically said they don’t like it, I’ve gotten some questions. One of the most popular questions (after I assure them I’m not physically attracted to my guy friends and we don’t enjoy “benefits”) is, “But they think you’re hot, right?”
What does that mean? Like, even though I’ve said that I don’t think of them that way, if my guy friends think I’m hot there’s always the possibility I’ll act on it? I’m sure that’s what they’re trying to infer, but...no. There have been plenty of situations where I’ve gotten intoxicated with a guy friend, and there’s never been one single instance where I’ve felt the need to rip their clothes off (or even, to a lesser extent, make out
