How Far Is Too Far When A Teacher Shares Personal Information With Their Students?

It sounds like the female teacher came in and may have said something like, "I'd like to clear up why I was gone for two weeks as there has been some confusion. It is because my wife had a baby and I was home on maternity leave." If a male teacher said that, you wouldn't have a problem, nor would your son have come home saying "my teacher is heterosexual!" because it wouldn't be news, and you never would have written this post. Homophobia comes disguised in many ways. . . More power to you if you can recognize it within yourself. I know I would definitely want someone to point it out to me if something I said could be taken as homophobic even if I didn't mean it that way, and take a long hard look at it. As far as my child being in that classroom, honestly I'd be pleased as punch that the teacher shared that information. The more homosexuality is normalized, the better for ALL of us.

A lot of people are missing something here.  Maybe they don't have kids. Or maybe their school system is different. But, correct me if I'm wrong: Don't most schools, like my kids' schools, try to cram as much as possible into each school day, because they're required by law to teach certain things so that "no child is left behind", to the point that each class is only 45-50 minutes long? I'm mad when teachers talk about ANYTHING personal any more because it forces our kids to have that much more homework at night and miss out on valuable in-class learning time.  Teachers short-change our kids when they talk about their personal lives these days-- but so many of them still do. To the point, sometimes, where hardly anything gets done in class, even an art class!!!  Sometimes I think these people chose the teaching profession just so they could have a captive audience to listen to them yak or tell jokes!

So this teacher should lie to her students? Should she be ashamed for having the "wrong" kind of partner? If so, she is certainly teaching her students something. Something that is sending the wrong message. Students have enough trouble now a days. Don't burden them with the idea that feelings are bad and should be something to be ashamed of, never to be discussed, even if you have to lie about it.

I'm not a teacher but I would think that a Parent in a healthy relationship with their child would not be threatened by something a teacher said. Talk to your child and listen to them. They just might teach you something.

Would you have been as bothered if his teacher had told her class that she'd been out for two weeks to get married to a man? I think straight people fail to realize just how often they talk about their romantic partnerships in day to day life, or how difficult it might be for someone who is not straight to have to hide every aspect of their personal life from their students just so overly sensitive parents don't flip their lids.

She told her students she has a girlfriend. She didn't tell them the raunchy details of her sex life. I don't think this crosses a line any more than a teacher revealing that they have a boyfriend or husband, that they are having a baby, or that they have children. Things which, notably, straight teachers do all the time that no one flips out about because relationships in and of themselves are not taboo.

I would like to thank blogher and everyone here for commenting on this article. Apparently I came across angry and homophobic, which is so not what I wanted to convey when sharing this topic for discussion.

I love my children. I love teachers, most of them have been wonderful role models for my children. However I do not agree with this teacher sharing her personal problems with my son's class or my son the way she did.

Personal questions were asked to this teacher about her sexuality to which she gave answers and the issue for me wasn't whether she was gay or straight it was that I don't feel my son needs to know her personal information in such detail, and I guess in trying to hide this teachers identity and not mention too much (more than was needed) in the article because I absolutely DO NOT agree with bullying or gossiping and feel badly this teacher suffered that. I did not convey my message properly. I apologize.

I think a teacher should be honest. I think a teacher should share who they are and about themselves with their students. My quest for this discussion was to explore how much is too much?

It's okay for a teacher to share she is pregnant, having a baby is a part of life. It is not okay for a teacher go into details on how babies are made. To me that is a parents decision, when and how to discuss those things.

And although we can all sit and judge. Some say my 12 year old should know about sex and sexuality. Maybe you are right and my son does know because I talk to him. However I know many 12 years old who do not know what being gay or lesbian even means and how are parents supposed to support a teacher going through rumors who obviously needs support if discussions are going to be had without us being involved?

The bottom line is some teachers (not all) cross a line. Knowing how much personal information is too much -- well that's up to us because we are all human, we all make mistakes, and none of us is perfect.

Thanks for reading my article!

If a teacher can talk about being single/looking for a date or his/her spouse, I don't see why they couldn't talk about their own dating situation or their same sex partner?

That's an awfully big slippery slope argument there at the end. From talking about your family to putting photos of your kids and spouse on your desk to sharing sex positions! But it's a good question to ask: If it's OK for a straight teacher to put a photo of her husband on her desk, isn't it also OK for a lesbian teacher to put a photo of her wife on her desk?

That's a far cry from describing a blind date, whether it's with a man or a woman. Obviously that's over the line. But being gay is like having red hair or being left-handed. Acceptance comes with normalcy.

I wouldn't have cared if a teacher came out to my 12-year-old, especially under those circumstances. Sounds like there were some nasty bully-the-teacher things going on. Those kinds of issues can affect the class. I respect the teacher for meeting it head on and dispelling the rumors. Now they have no need to whisper behind her back. They know the truth, and they can move on to algebra or classifying invertebrates.

I have to agree with most of the commenters here. If being gay isn't a big deal to you then why such a visceral reaction. Seems wiser to have simply said, "Oh, okay". and dismissed the conversation if your child already has the understanding that love goes beyond the traditional man-woman relationship. As stated n other comments, it's cool for a teacher to announce an engagement and some parents even send gifts to the teacher to celebrate their impending union...or even the birth of a baby. From what I can read it seems that the issue stemmed from the rumors going around the school (source: students? other teachers? or God-forbid Parents??). THAT is harassment and bullying to a T...and on FACEBOOK?? If anything, the teacher has a bigger gripe than any parent who might be offended (even though they 'have to problem with people being gay"). Bravo to this teacher, I say.

It's a fine line, for sure. I taught high school, and I had students ask me if I was gay. I'm not, but I was an English teacher, and a pretty vocal advocate for gay students. I always replied with a genuine "Does it matter? Would it make me a different person to you?" and sparked some pretty good convos without putting the focus on myself. A class of 6th graders...that would be harder. I understand addressing a rumor bluntly, but only if asked directly. "Are you gay?" "Yep/Nope! But that's a really personal thing I don't really like to talk about with my students, unless you're having some problems you'd like to discuss. Now, did you do your math homework?" That said, I agree with other commenters that het teachers have a freedom to acknowledge normal parts of their personal lives (Ms/Mr. X is getting married!/having a baby/sad because his/her partner is sick) that gay teachers often feel...and with LOTS of justification...that they simply can't. It's hard. Do you err on the side of keeping your job, in this truly horrific job environment for everyone, teacher's included, or do you err on the side of openness and fostering an environment where students feel they can be comfortable in being themselves? Being a teacher is HARD, for all kinds of reasons. Like I said, I was a high school and college teacher of English, so conversations about sexuality and inclusion actually were often very relevant to the issues students were having or the material we were reading. That middle school age, with all the burgeoning sexuality and pubescent exploration and confusion is ROUGH. I taught 8th graders for summer school for ONE summer; I really think it's one of the toughest age groups to teach to. There's no one right answer -- the best policy is try to keep your personal life vague, het or homosexual; keep specific discussions, if necessary and relevant to a student's issues or genuine questions, personal and out of the general classroom discussion; and for the sweet love of common sense, if you are ateacher, do NOT FB friend your students until they are in college...or you are out of teaching.

But would you object if a teacher discussed being pregnant? Or was obviously pregnant?

I think it also depends on the area. I saw my third grade teacher at the county fair with a man and he was declared a "friend" but then gossip was wild among parents about whether she was dating him or a tart.

My 4th grade teacher and PE teacher were spotted on a "date" at the pizza parlor when I was in 6th grade; by me. I could hardly wait to tell everyone at school.

My 5th grade teacher discussed her thyroid condition during our sex ed unit.

I had a host of teachers tell classes about parents/relatives dying, their wedding plans, about health issues, about their troubled children. I tended to find that most of those teachers got more respect than the ones who were tight lipped about ever having a life outside of school.

My children have had a range of teachers from the one who talked all about her daughter's engagement, marriage and pregnancy to the one who wore a discreet but truly "out" necklace but never spoke about being a lesbian in class. I think some of the kids middle and high school teachers have said they were gay. My daughter has a transgendered drama coach. (which was outed in a series of local news articles) I don't remember them ever indicating an issue with it, even if I have sucked in my breath a few times. (He is? How did that come up?)

I think there is a difference between a high school student or college student being told personal information by a teacher in the classroom and a 6th grader (which is what 11 and 12 year old kids are). I think a teacher needs to keep a fine line between too much information and too little. Kids know about teachers and their personal lives by little things such as pictures of family on the desk or seeing them out trick or treating or at the grocery store. Just flat out announcing their sexuality in a classroom is inappropriate for a variety of reasons. They don't have to keep their preferences a secret either but there just somethings students don't need to know about adult authority figures, which is what a teacher is.

Turn this around - if a manager or supervisor announced in an office wide meeting "Hey I'm a lesbian" how would adults react? Is is any of the employees business? Does it have any bearing at all on the workplace? Teachers are essentially the Manager of the classroom and the kids are the employees.

Its sad that sharing you are gay is seen as "too personal". If a teacher made it clear to a class that they are straight, would that seem too much? We tend to assume people are heterosexual, and dont find it particularly sexual when they refer to that. It is a pity that we cant apply the same to gay people?

The best teachers I ever had in my school life were those who to whom we could relate. They shared personal and touching stories, humourous stories and sometimes shared a painful one.

Whether academically inclined or not, all the students in those classes were engaged in the process of learning.