It Gets Better: How to Fight Homophobia

Wow, that's a gorgeous family. I knew you had kids, but SIX of them? WOW. As you know, I had two dads. My daughter's best friend has two moms. This is what my daughter's world looks like - part of me never wants her to leave Seattle, where it's "normal."

It took me a while, but I finally found a way to write about the Tyler Clementi tragedy. I wish he had known it would get better. But for me, it gets back to the question of family of origin. Who raised the kids who did this to him? http://alyssaroyse.wordpress.com/2010/10/02/but-wo...

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AlyssaRoyse.com ( http://www.alyssaroyse.com )

I've designed an "It Gets Better" t-shirt that I'm trying to spread the word about. My goal is to bring more attention to Dan Savage's fantastic project and also donate a really generous portion of my sales to the Trevor Project.

www.ItGetsBetter.biz ( http://www.ItGetsBetter.biz )

That's exactly the kind of role modeling, parenting, and good citizenship we should all be practicing.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

It totally comes down to respecting others.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

It's a little old (ok a lot old) and suitable for awkward family photos, but it might help:

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

Rita,
My daughter is the same age as yours, and we've spent a lot of time reading books by Todd Parr. His website: http://www.toddparr.com.

So now when we talk about family constellations, love, etc., she always says "some families have a mom and dad; some families have two moms; some families have two dads; some have one mom or one dad, etc"...I love that she is able to see the differences in families and embrace them rather than fear them. If you don't have any Todd Parr books, take a look! Your little angel will probably enjoy reading them.

Lara

Notions of Identity ( http://www.notionsofidentity.com )

This video was made by a young musician named Mal Blum ( http://www.malblum.com/ ). I've met her in person. She's adorable (I can say that because she is, and because I'm old enough to be her mother.) She's queer. She's talented. She's wise.

The video is long but you should watch it. (And, download a few of Mal's songs - she's adorable, did I mention that? "Earthworm" ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8LEOz_LhPM ) always makes me smile.)

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

Last night in the bath, my girl and I were talking about being a blogger. She said she thought all bloggers had kids. I said a lot of people think that, and also brand managers. :)

She said Erin had kids. I said Julie didn't have kids. Then she asked if Denise had kids. And I said yes, and so did her girlfriend (I didn't think she would understand "partner.")

Then she said, "she has a friend who's a girl who has kids"? Very confused.

So, without meaning to, we ended up talking about how people fall in love with who they fall in love with. She asked if she would marry a boy or a girl. She asked if she would marry at all.

I told her only she can figure that stuff out. And boy, howdy, she certainly doesn't have to when she's only six.

And then I put her to bed and wondered if you ever know how to explain love.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Here's what we do, as a family of 6 (4 kids, 2 adults). We have zero tolerance for discrimination - gay, racial, sex, religion -- zero. And when jokes are made, discussions started, statements made, they are confronted, addressed and dismissed immediately. Whether it's thanksgiving table with relatives, or 11 year olds on the playground or teenagers in the parking lot. Not okay, not now, not ever. If more people made hatred not tolerable in any situation, perhaps, just perhaps, they would stop hating.

Kathy (return to work mom)

http://returntoworkmom.blogspot.com/

respect is all we need. regardless of the sexuality, we need to respect each other and our differences

Hah. I have such a love/hate thing for Dan Savage. He drives me insane and just when I think I'm done with him - he does something like this. Something so awesome that I forgive all of the crazy-making things he says and does.

It does, indeed, get better.

Good to see you Alyssa!

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

I watched Dan and Terry's video a few days ago, and just cried like a baby. It is so beautiful. Sometimes, living in "his" city, I think I've had enough of Dan, but time after time, he shows himself to be a man of courage, conviction, compassion and the strong wisdom that will, indeed, make things better. To see such candid tales and photos of his family is so touching.

I was never a gay kid - though been overly boy crazy from day one - but I did have to come to terms with having a gay parent, long before Will and Grace made it ok. While I don't have an answers, I am 100% convinced that open and compassionate conversation about who we are as people rather than what sex acts we enjoy is what will ultimately eliminate the fear and bigotry that divides people.

I laugh, sometimes. I have so many gay friends who are downright provincial in their proclivities, and so many straight friends who enjoy things that would give other people nightmares..... What difference does it make? :)

Thanks for sharing these. We will make it better, together.

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AlyssaRoyse.com ( http://www.alyssaroyse.com )