How to get UNstuck
Have you ever felt like you wandered into the wrong house? Or, have you secretly dreamed of having an excuse to fade away from the family dynamics and chaotic frinzy to simply...be? A nice bungalow , perhaps near the Ocean , as you listen to the lapping waves , gently nudging your soul out of it's coccoon of safety... Maybe a nice relaxing beverage or distraction that takes your mind away from the car overheating and getting hauled to the mechanic, your husbands daily health concerns, your daughters anger, or your son's decision making where he thinks he is invinsible...but you know all of that is temporary. All issues resurface, but sometimes they can work themselves out without our interference.
My life, over the last two months, has been in a word; challenging. I worked on getting a grip on the most important aspects for well being~ my well being. By bringing more balance into my days, I am able to balance my families needs and unexpectancies easier. Some things I have to allow time to heal, and so I prioritize my woes..Some things, like anothers' anger, can be addressed with love and forgiveness, but if that person wants to hold onto their anger, they can, and there is nothing you can do about their choice to be angry. You can love yourself though, and you can pray.You can ask God to come into this relationship and heal it. You may get a new idea or insight to help heal it, or you may need to just step back, and give it time and angels to heal~ just love yourself through it.
With each decade of life, I notice new instances where I must redirect my attention and focus upon a new shift, or change ,or concerning area. It's not that most things cannot easily be restored, repaired, or released; it is simply that when a person gets their perspective in a dark place, the overwhelming energy of that neg permeates everything in its path~ in other words ~ you stink up the place. As I grow more aware to the subtle shifts in awarenesses and life, I can accept my place in the world of change, and I can also step back and allow the world to show itself to me, gently. In beauty, in love, in support of spirit. I make a conscious choice and decision, daily, not to engage in negative thoughts,or neg words toward another, or harmful actions...in being mindful of daily intentions, it is easier to sidestep drama or negs when they ring your bell.We improve daily, knowing and accepting our imperfection, but loving ourselves through our challenges to loving more fully.
This negative energy, emotion or feeling~ this stank, left to its own fermentation, can literally affect everyone in the home, business, social circle, etc..Since we are all energy, we feel energy even if we are unaware of it.We feel the energy of another consciously and subconsciously, and depending upon our own self awareness. So, when someone is in a bad place emotionally, mentally, or spiritually ,that energy is like an invisible thread that dances through the room looking for a similar vibe or vulnerability to latch onto . How do we stave off this intruder? We decide to be more aware. We decide to intend what we want for ourself.We plan to not engage with negativity. We show compassion, but nurture self first. We also sidestep the negs.... yup.
How do we sidestep the negs, you ask?
We get really clear with ourselves on what we want. Do we want to be drained by that co-worker who every Monday recites the same diatribe of dribble about her dysfunctional life?
If the answer is, no, dear God save me from the same story and drama, please...Then here is what you do. You disengage. When Neurotic Nancy comes knocking ,to drain the life force from your soul for the 305th time, you simply redirect the topic. You announce your dog had puppies, you ate the best ice cream sundae yesterday, or you went to a rock concert the prior night and can't hear well...ok, the last one was a temporary respite. The facts are, when someone believes they have your ear, they spout. Often times, they don't even hear themselves, as they are on an automatic negative speak~ stop the insanity!! You are doing them no favors when they wallow in misery without taking control of their situation.Without appearing unsympathetic, you can say,: " I am on overload myself right now, maybe you could benefit from talking to someone who has experience dealing with these kinds of issues, (hint: therapist); I am afraid I will say something that could be upsetting or ill informed. I am keeping you in my prayers as you figure this out...."You may even have a great therapist you can offer the name of. If you feel that is too cold, you can opt for complete honesty. You may think it would be easier to just tell a white lie. The problem with lying is, you have guilt or shame for telling the lie,and that energy is a hard neg to ignore; and you better have a great memory to remember the lie..lying is never a good option. Truth does set you free.
When the drain is more personal, say your beloved one is not realizing how demanding and needy they are; and you need some peace, here are some options to redirect the responsibility back to the other person. You respond with care and kindness or support.You acknowledge their: relationship break-up; their getting fired; or their health, and you find somewhere in that heart of yours, the words you would want to hear if the tables where turned. Then you offer support in the way of, a book, an article that would be supportive at the time, a health practioner or physician for clarity in health; a therapist to vent to; career counseling; a hobby; an inspirational movie...basically anything offered in the light of support for the issue at hand is beneficial.They can accept it or not, but you tried.Coming from the heart is paramount.Even the broken hearted denote authenticity~ so don't do anyone any favors by doing something without being heart centered and sincerely generously giving. Then you step back, and allow them to work through their concern by themselves.You empower, you support, you offer insight or information, you show love, and you step back and tend to self. Do not become a doormat, or a co-dependent caregiver where you take care of everything, even the things they can tend to...
When a loved one is sick, it is very difficult.Human nature can rear its conditional head and be a bit snarky when a caregiver is exhausted. This is a very real occurance that feeds additional angst into an already tenuous situation. Here we need to rely on our unconditional nature of giving selflessly, but knowing our needs in the plan as well.
Have a plan. Have a schedule. Schedule your down time in your schedule. Have boundaries. Have a list to go by, needs,wants, meds, showers, etc..for the patient. Try not to get sucked into the negative fears, or hypocondria of additional ailments ,due to the fears of the patient. Hypocondria is very common in those who have not been properly diagnosed by a doctor, and yet the patient still has physical concerns. Take care of yourself, because being a caregiver can be a very taxing, thankless job . Know that the reward you are providing for your soul, in the cargiving of another, may not even be acknowledged until we are before God in our own transition. Know that some good deeds on Earth never get acknowledged on Earth, but they are acknowledged by God. You must feel the reward within you, when you give to another , it is in this feeling that union with divine is formed, it is also here that your own problems pale in comparison.
When you offer yourself, unconditionally, without wanting or expecting anything in return, you will feel the shift within you.You will notice the shift outside you.You will witness life through a different lens, and life will take on meaning of lush depth. When you feel like you have lost control of order, where attitiudes are difficult, where you feel unappreciated by the ones you love the most, go give of yourself to another or to a cause. Often strangers provide a much needed boost or appreciation or recognition to help shift your self love. I promise you will feel better, and you may actually shift your entire perspective to put more emphasis on the joyous parts of life, and allowing yourself to be blessed by all that life is~ love.