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Unless you’re Thurston Howell III — with acres of spare rooms and 27 in help — houseguests are the pits. ~ Philip Galanes
This bit of advice from The New York Times Social Q's column made me sad.
The snappy retort came in response to a woman who was unsure how to respond when she noticed a dear friend of 30 years give a thumbs up sign expressing her relief that that the woman was leaving after a two day visit as a house guest. In his answer, Galanes seems to suggest that hosting guests in your home is an unpleasant social duty and that the hurt woman should call her friend and apologize for the strain her flying across country to attend the party she was invited to caused and preemptively acknowledge that house guests suck so as to avoid having her feelings hurt again by the truth.
But I wonder if this is really the truth. Is there no way we can be gracious hosts or guests and enjoy overnight visits in our homes? And what about being a roommate which is an option people are increasingly turning to in this economy? Or sharing a hotel room with a co-worker or blog buddy you've never met in real life at BlogHer in a few weeks?
I believe each of these situations can be handled without tears, bloodshed or loss of friendship. The keys are not to make assumptions and to clearly communicate expectations.
I enjoy having house guests. But there is a big caveat in there. That is, if they do not treat my home like a hotel. My expectation is that when someone comes to visit and stay with me they are coming to see me not to use my place as a Bed and Breakfast while they vacation and visit with the people they really want to see. I am not someone who wants my guests to go off and be independent as many good guest guidelines suggest. I do not care if they bring me a gift, offer to pay for groceries or send a thank you note. If we go out to dinner and my guests offer to pick up the tab one night, fabulous. What I ask is that if I've prepared my home to receive you in comfort (and I will) and I've cleared my schedule to spend time with you (and I will) that you not drop your bags off and immediately head out or drop your towels in the bathroom and leave them there under the erroneous assumption that I provide maid service (both of which guests of mine have done).
However, I've been a guest with hosts who don't share my interest in spending all our quality time together. One time my hosts were preparing for our evening out though I did not realize it was their evening out and their plans did not include me. Because I would never leave a guest to fend for themselves the thought never occurred to me and it also never occurred to them that I would think I would be joining them. This was a failure of assumptions and communication of expectations on both our parts.
I've learned since to ask and be clear on what guests have in mind when they ask if they can stay with me. I also rarely accept offers to stay with friends because of the potential minefield but have learned valuable lessons for those circumstances when home is preferable to a hotel or I am in need of a guest bed or couch.
What are your tips for being either a gracious guest, host or roommate?
Related Reading:
Some may be iffy about human house guests but bloggers love blogging about the non-human kind:
Like cats and dogs and dogs and dogs and kittens and toads and frogs and mice and tortoises and turtles and ducks.
Tara (Tiger) Brown: Manners #1: Be a good houseguest and host
The first on my list is overnight guests. There are some key elements to being a good guest and there are definitely some key elements to being a guest that never gets invited back. On the flip side, I am also attempting to be a better host, so I am exploring what I can do better to have a pleasant experience with house guests as opposed to counting down the minutes until they depart.
Astrid at BellyBelly forums: House guests contributing?
Been wondering this as we will
