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Sparkle (0)
Just when you think you have it all together. When you've gotten back into your workout training and your baby is doing sleep interval training, but you can still suck it up and say "I don't need sleep. Sleep is for suckers. I'm not a punk."
Then you come home from work and sit at the table with your kids. And Jake keeps asking you for help with his second-grade math homework, but you never passed a math class in your life because you went to school in the 70s and 80s -- the good ol days when they just passed you to the next grade because you were a year older -- so you have no idea what he's talking about and so you act like you don't hear him. Yet he keeps asking, "Mom, what object can you buy if you have a dime, a dime, a dime, a nickel, a quarter, two penies, and one dollar." And you want to say, not a thing, but you hold your tongue and concentrate on, Chase.
Who starts out, "Mom, see this name tag I made, if it's on my bed ... See this name tag I made, if it's on my bed ... See this name tag I made, if it's on my bed ....And you are staring right at him, but somehow, someone bumped his head and the needle's on the record, the needle's on the record, the needle's on the record, but it ain't going nowhere. And the whole time the baby is moaning for your attention, but you are sitting at the table trying in vain to help his two older brothers with their homework so he keeps moaning.
And finally you say "Hold on Jake. Yes, Chase, I'm listening, Yeowwwww! Sebastian what the hell?!!" Because he just bit you on the butt out of nowhere because you weren't paying attention to him and that's the best way he knows how to communicate, so you yell at Chase, "What already, finish!" And then Jake throws his homework up in the air and says "I can't take this anymore!" And stomps off to his dad's man cave.
You know how that happens? That was my day today. Then I had a shot. And a beer.
The End.
