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I received a question on my blog, and am addressing it here. Thank you, gubblin, for your question, and for asking it in a non-confrontational spirit.
gubblin said...
Hi there Kellymac. I found your blog randomly, and I'm really confused. On one of your blogs, you seem very angry and upset with feminists and feminism. But this blog is about recovered memories. Do you realize that feminists are the ones who brought the recovered/repressed memory issue into the light? Do you know that most anti-feminists, MRA's (or whatever you want to call them) do NOT believe in recovered memories? They blame feminism for creating a culture of hysteria around child sexual abuse.
I'm not trolling here, I really am curious. I am a radical feminist, and I'm not here to talk about feminism or argue with anyone. I really just don't understand how you can have these two, completely opposite blogs.
I also have recovered memories of past abuse, and have struggled a LOT with it. Not knowing what is real, what is just my crazy head. People who tell me I'm crazy and a a liar have made my recovery incredibly difficult. All of these people are against feminism. I'm wondering how you reconcile your clear hatred for feminism with your own personal issues of child sexual abuse?
Thanks. Again, not trolling, not looking for a fight, I just really want to know.
gubblin:
First of all, you have my sympathies for what you've gone through - I've had some of the same experiences, and I know how lonely it can be.
Yes, I do know that many MRA's think recovered memories are bs. I wasn't really aware that it was feminists who brought it into the light; I thought it was kind of a new wave in psychotherapy (although I do know about Freud, and the idea itself isn't new).
The only thing I can say is that the whole concept has been abused by the unscrupulous. There are so many documented cases of memories being "suggested" to people in therapy - people who, if they are going to heal, must give their trust to the therapist. It is not all that difficult to manipulate a person into believing almost anything; how much more so to a person who is struggling with their own mental state? I haven't reviewed all the cases, but I think it's safe to say that the results of this manipulation are devastating to almost everyone involved - except the therapist. I really can't blame anyone for not buying repressed memories.
However, I also know that when we are in a situation that might threaten our mental well-being or our sanity, we have to find a way to cope, and very often we try to forget it ever happened. Depending on the circumstances, this is sometimes more effective than other times.
In my own case, I have remembered at least the vast majority of it, and I had no choice but to pretend it never happened. I really don't want to go into the details of it here, but I was brutally beaten and hated by my mother, and given to at least one of her "male friends" for "use" many many times. This happened while my father was away working. I don't know where my sister was; this started before she was born (I am the oldest and there are 2 1/2 years between us).
The person I was completely dependent upon was the person who was hurting me. I realized a long time ago that she always resented my being there. I can only guess that she didn't want to be married to my father, as I was born 8 months after they were married. She also had another child before she met my father, and that child was raised by my grandparents. I was told she was my aunt until I was 13. So maybe my mother fucked up her life and I was representative of it. I don't know, and it really doesn't matter.
The point is, I was raised to never show emotion (because she LOVES to make fun of people), never express an opinion or preference different from hers, and to be terrified of any human with a penis. It was easier not to show emotions if I didn't feel them, so eventually I became
