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A Certified Life Coach and founder of KM Life Coaching, Karen’s passion is to work with men and women going through the divorce process to help...
 
 
 
 

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How long is too long to wait for him?

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I have had the unique experience of going on one date through an on-line service and meeting a really great guy.  We have been together for 9 months and have a great friendship and passionate relationship.  He lived in NYC and I am on Long Island.  As a single mom, I almost always went in to his apt. which was great; it was like my ‘other’ life and I loved it.

 

In June he graduated college (a returning student – we’re both in our 40’s) and moved to New Mexico for a graduate program.  At first he was just going to attend summer sessions; so I thought 12 weeks comes and goes quickly, no problem.  But now, he has the wonderful opportunity to stay and complete his program next September.  I think it is great and I am truly happy for him.

 

While I am crazy about him, we will have been apart for a longer period of time than we have been together.  Can such a new relationship withstand so much distance for so long?  We agreed to no commitments.  After all we are on opposite sides of the country and grown adults with needs and desires, so whatever happens, happens.  And honestly, my desires are beginning to get the best of me, so what’s a girl to do?

 

I don’t really want to start dating, because I do love this guy.  But he has not and cannot commit to anything.  He does not know where he will get a job or work after he is done with school and I appreciate that it is a unique and liberating position for him to be in.  He is asking nothing of me either.   I don’t know if I want to wait around for an entire year when there are no guarantees that we will be together when he returns…if he returns.

 

Maybe dating would be good.  Give me a chance to compare, see who else/what else is out there.  I got divorced, took a 2 year hiatus from men and then met my current man.  Perhaps taste-testing the dating world would be good, for both of us.  After all, I suppose if we were meant to be together, we ultimately will be.     

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foxyc 5 pts

One thing you do not and cannot afford to do is wait around for love to come home to you...I've been there, playing the waiting game. You're not committed ? Live life!

I'm foxyc...a woman in transition, I blog at http//wwwclara54.wordpress.com 

christinajeanne 5 pts

I've been away from my fiance for 2 years now and it will be 1 more year until he returns home. It is not always easy. But write lots of letters and talk every chance you get. If you really love the man and he really loves you then it can work out.

battledress 5 pts

Well, I have been in  along distance relationship almost all of my adult life due to the military; I'm not going to lie, I have NEVER seen a new relationship withstand long distances like that. I've seen soldiers have the greatest romance of their life, but then they go for a short deployment and something has changed. Or they commit too soon and can't handle the commitment with the stress of being apart.

 Keep things in the "let's see what happens" mode until you really know that he's something you could spend your life with...

 A rule of thumb with long distance relationships is "if you have to ask yourself the question, then it probably isn't right".

Tough Girl 101 ( http://toughgirl101.blogspot.com )No one likes a Sissy! Read about the Life of a skydiving, gun toting, fast driving part time soldier and full time student living life after Divorce.

JustKaren 5 pts

Thanks for your feedback Liz.  You read both my posts, so you know where I am coming from on the other one.  I have this great guy and he isn't necessarily going anywhere, but 14 months is a long time, so why not go out and have some fun.  Worse case, I have a few bad dates, best case, I have lots of fun, meet some interesting people and there is no pressure to find love.  I think I am heading in that direction.

Karen

Liz Rizzo 5 pts

I would take this as the perfect opportunity to get out there and have some fun. Like you say, learn about other people, see what it's like.

Liz Rizzo ( http://blogher.org/blog/liz-rizzo )

I blog at Everyday Goddess ( http://everydaygoddess.typepad.com/ ).

rebellious thinker 5 pts

From my one year of experience dating post-divorce, my advice is to keep the relationship in the "who knows what will be" status. There don't seem to be as many interesting men after you get divorced as you thought there would be when you were miserably married. And, if I can add one more piece of advice, don't worry about forever, focus more on the now.

Laura, www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com ( http://www.rebelliousthoughtsofawoman.com/ )