My 11 year old son has been taking Tae Kwon Do since he was 4 years old and is preparing to test for his black belt, but in the 8 years that he's been studying martial arts he has never once had a real life situation that called on his years of training, until yesterday.

On the drive home from school, my son turns to me and says, "Mom, you know Tommy on my football team? He tried to take a swing at me today."

"What happened?" I asked.

"We were doing a scrimmage and I went to block him, but I accidentally knocked him down. When he scrambled to his feet he yelled at me and took one of those big wind up swings at my head, you know where the arm comes way back," he said pulling his arm behind his back and swinging it wide out in front of him. "Then the coach kicked him off the field for the day."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, I was thinking, 'Wait, this is my friend. I don't want to fight with him.' So I just did an outside block. Like this," he said as he executed a perfect "wax-on" move. (If you've never seen Karate Kid, that reference will make no sense to you, but for the rest of us, you know exactly what I mean.)

"Wow!  Good for you." I said.

Now, I should add that there have been many times over the past 8 years when my son wanted to quit martial arts, but my husband and I believe the benefits to learning self-defense are so great that we haven't given our kids much of a choice on the matter. So, as I listened to my son tell this story I wanted to encourage him to recognize the lesson in the day's events. I asked him, "How did it feel to be able to defend yourself?"

"It felt really good."

"And did it make you feel powerful?"

"Yea, like I didn't have to fight him 'cause I knew I'd probably hurt him."

As I digested my son's story I thought of something else. I wondered how this scenario would have played out if he hadn't known martial arts? Would his friend have actually landed the punch? Would my son have been hit in the face? Would that then have sparked a desire in my son to retaliate? Would a full scale brawl have ensued, with both kids being ejected from practice, or worse, someone getting injured?

When people know how to defend themselves, they also have an incredible ability to diffuse tense situations. We are much more likely to get angry after a fist has made contact with our face. But if we can avoid that initial injury, we can remain calm and objective. We all know that as the hormones kick in, teen boys face challenges controlling anger and their impulse to establish dominance. Because my son had a sense of power and control, not only was he able to diffuse the fight, he knew didn't need to fight.  He had nothing to prove.

That day after we arrived home, I went to the kitchen to make the kids their usual post-school snack. After a few minutes I heard an unfamiliar sound of clanging and heavy thuds coming from upstairs. When I went to investigate, I found my son for the first time ever in my gym lifting weights.  Without disturbing him I turned and walked back downstairs.