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How Much Is Too Much for Our Kids?

August 10, 2011 9:00 am by JennaHatfield in Family
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[Editor's Note: Soccer. Swimming lessons. Piano or violin? Gymnastics or dance? How about all of them? It's a question that trips many parents up, time and time again: What should we involve our kids in and how much is too much? Motherese recently asked these questions on her blog and went ahead and provided herself with some advice given by Christine Carter, author of Raising Happiness. What transpired on the blog is a great post followed by a great discussion by other parents on this difficult topic. I encourage you to read it and offer your advice and experience. -Jenna]

How Much Is Too Much?

Yen in Swimming lessonI’ve over-committed us these past few weeks and my kids and I are showing battle scars from too much time running from here to there and too little time hanging out at home. Big Brother, especially, has been short-tempered and it’s becoming clearer to me that he tends toward introversion, needing space and alone time in his days to feel calm and contented.

I know this. I see this. And yet when flyers fill my mailbox reminding me to sign up for dance class and YMCA soccer and swimming lessons (the current bane of my existence) and library story time, I take them as a direct order: sign up your kids now or else.

Or else what? They’ll miss the chance – at ages almost 4 and 2 – to be Olympic soccer stars? They’ll never discover their inborn gift for somersaults?

Continue reading to see the advice from Christine and add your thoughts.

Photo Credit: dibau_naum_h.

Read more from How Much Is Too Much for Our Kids? at Motherese

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justlinda
justlinda 19 pts

This is something I struggle with. As a working mom with 3 kids, it's hard to juggle this stuff. I think back on my own childhood - we did it, piano and gymnastics and choir and softball and girl scouts. What's so different?

What's different is that with so many dual-career families, we generally no longer have children's activities after school. As a child myself, Girl Scouts was always right after school. Softball practice was after school. Choir was after school. Evenings were kept fairly whole, for family.

These days, all those activities are pushed to evening or weekends, so it feels like so much more hustle and bustle to me. It encroaches on family dinners. And yet I think it's worth it. We do have plenty of hang-out time at home, TV time, etc. I think that having scheduled time for karate and volleyball and piano and soccer and Girl Scouts is good. Even if I feel frantic with it sometimes, the kids don't really - and they get the value of the physical activity, building skills, interacting socially, etc.

They're young for such a short time. I can do this. We'll be just fine. (That's me trying to convince myself. LOL)

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Motherese
Motherese 5 pts

justlinda Hi, justlinda,

I think you make two great points here.

First, you're absolutely right about the way traditional activities have been pushed out of the 3-5 hours and into the hours that used to be reserved for the family. That's a factor I hadn't given much thought to before.

And, second, you've made me think about how my kids experience the rushing from place to place vs. how I feel about it. At the moment, my oldest seems happiest when he has big chunks of time at home mixed in with his preschool and other "commitments." But I also know that our kids can be much more resilient than I am! :)

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Motherese
Motherese 5 pts

Hi, @MumsLanding. Thanks so much for reading my post and taking the time to leave a comment. Balancing activities and time for free play is something I'm still struggling with.

My almost 4 year old will start back to school three days a week soon and I'm leaning toward letting him do just one activity (likely a tumbling class) in addition to school. He is the type of kid who needs downtime at home and I don't want to over-schedule him - or me, by extension - too much.

Good luck to us both as we try to answer this question!

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MumsLanding
MumsLanding 5 pts

We are the same in our house. My 4 year old has an activity on every day, 2 swimming lessons a week, soccer practice once a week and then the other 2 days at preschool. I find it difficult if we don't have something planned for that day. My boy gets bored very easily at home and severely badly behaved indoors! So my only option is to keep him busy, busy, busy in the sheer hope that I will tire him out. It never does work though! He just keeps going and going! I've also recently enrolled my 13 month old in swimming lessons, she's had 2 so far and is loving it! Good post topic! :)

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Angie Rapids
Angie Rapids

Doh! That comment is on the wrong post. That's what I get for trying to cook and read facebook. LOL

Tiffiny Harmer Felix
Tiffiny Harmer Felix

Annie, lol...I agree! When it gets impossible to get them places they need to be, or they aren't doing things at home they need to do, or I can't get done what I need to do because I'm constantly driving kids places, it's time to do some cutting. Angie R, The post is about activities, not eating. The "plate" is not a literal plate.

Angie Rapids
Angie Rapids

If a child is not putting on unhealthy weight gain who is to say enough is enough if the diet is balanced. Boys eat more than I ever imagined. I have a very skinny 5 year old who eats all day long and I don't mean junk either. He also eats 3 full meals. He is a bottomless pit. As far as controlling food you have to consider the child and what the eating is about. Eating for comfort is not good and we all know it. If you have ever been poor and went without enough food to eat you look at it different as well. Another thing about eating, even for children, what you eat is a form of control you have over yourself. Eating is one of those things that is so personal that I don't foist my own issues on to my children. We do have rules - you have to at least try things - but in the opposite vein we don't make our children eat things they have a natural aversion to. This is also one of those topics that gets lumped into food politics and we don't do food politics.

Annie Kelleher
Annie Kelleher

i never decided when my children had too much on their plate...i decided when *I* had enough on my plate...and limited their activities accordingly. in my house, mommy took care of mommy first!