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I am a board certified pediatrician, mom of two, writer, and blogger. I write about parenting, motherhood, and children's health. On my blog, you'll f...
 
 
 
 

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Detaching From the Crutch: On Parenting Advice and GPS

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GPS BackupDriving through narrow, winding roads on a wet and cold afternoon, I wonder (silently) if we are going the right way. After our second near miss of a head on collision, I speak up. "This doesn't seem right," I finally say, more than a little perturbed.

"I know, but the GPS says we're almost there."

I want to shout out about how dumb the GPS must be and that we could clearly have been there already if we had just looked out our window, used our common sense, and followed the signs. I know I don't need to speak the obvious. He already knows what I'm thinking. I'm certain he is thinking the same thing.

Then it hits me, right there on that narrow, winding road, how much parenting advice is like this GPS. As parents we want to do things "right" by our children. We seek out advice from books, from experts, from Google, and from friends. And, while that advice can be helpful and much needed at times, we have to remember that parenting advice is meant to be a guide, not a how to manual.

I've definitely been led astray myself when I felt compelled to do things by the book. I was certain that if I just followed the steps laid out before me, my child would be sleeping through the night, using the potty, and eating a variety of healthy foods.

In my quest for finding the "right way," I got lost. I forgot to look at my child, use my common sense, and follow my motherly instincts. I forgot to read the signs that my child was giving me. Now I know a little better. I know that there are many paths to take in this parenting journey. Some roads might be narrow and winding and perhaps not the best way for my child. Others may be smooth and straight, with only a few bumps along the way.

My job as mom is to figure out the best road to take for my own child. To remember to look up from my book, magazine, or computer and see the signs right in front of me. The ones that will ultimately lead me in the right direction because they are the ones given to me by my child

 

Melissa is a pediatrcian, mom, and writer who candidly shares her adventures in parenting on her blog, Confessions of a Dr.Mom.

Photo Credit: Jim Clark.

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ConfessionsOfaDrMom 5 pts

You said it so well. It can be tough to weed through the abundance of information out there, but I've learned the hard way to not let anything override my instincts :)

Melissa is a pediatrcian, mom, and writer who candidly shares her adventures in parenting on her blog, Confessions of a Dr.Mom ( http://www.confessionsofadrmom.com/ ).

Sloane Rhodes 5 pts

Great post. I think many women (myself included) only really begin to realize how powerfully accurate our instincts are when we become mothers. It might start with a child birth experience that felt co-opted by a well-meaning medical system, or a parenting decision that went against our natural instincts - but there is often a point when it suddenly hits us: we know more intuitively about what is right for us and our children than all the books put together. It is about discerning what information is useful at any given moment and what information can be set aside, maybe to be used another day.

Thanks for the post!

I am working on my PhD in the area of grief and loss, and blog about my experience of divorce and subsequent transformation at
www.hotflashdiaries.com ( http://www.hotflashdiaries.com )

ConfessionsOfaDrMom 5 pts

It's called survival, sometimes you need to just get away ;)

Thanks for your lovely comment Yuliya.

Melissa is a pediatrcian, mom, and writer who candidly shares her adventures in parenting on her blog, Confessions of a Dr.Mom ( http://www.confessionsofadrmom.com/ ).

shesuggests 5 pts

I loved this the first time I read it and loved reading it again! You are so right, we should all follow our instincts, except when our instincts tell us to run far away from our little angels turned monsters!

ConfessionsOfaDrMom 5 pts

Moms really do know best. We are the experts on our own children. As you said, it's so important to weed through the abundance of information out there and remember to listen to our instincts.

I learned this over time too...I'm still learning.

Melissa is a pediatrcian, mom, and writer who candidly shares her adventures in parenting on her blog, Confessions of a Dr.Mom ( http://www.confessionsofadrmom.com/ ).

healthdesigner 5 pts

This is a great post! My kids are grown now, but I was a great "look it up in the book" type when I first became a mom. Today, with so much more information at our fingertips, it is great to educate ourselves, but it can also become overwhelming. And we have to be careful that we check out our sources because anyone can put their opinions out there.

Bottom line: As I grew more comfortable in my role as mom, I began to trusted my instincts a lot more; and you know what? Most of the time I was right on. Moms do know best!

Marti Gilchrist Owner Health By Design ( http://www.facebook.com/pages/Health-By-Design/142... )

ConfessionsOfaDrMom 5 pts

Yes...we sometimes forget how much we know about our own children. Professional guidance is great, as long as we apply it to what we already know about our own children :)

Thanks for coming by and sparkling it up!

Melissa is a pediatrcian, mom, and writer who candidly shares her adventures in parenting on her blog, Confessions of a Dr.Mom ( http://www.confessionsofadrmom.com/ ).

Lady Jennie 5 pts

I think as Moms we can sometimes trust professionals more than our own gut feeling. At times the professional really does know best, but I think we should never go against a strong gut feeling when it comes to raising our kids. You're right about not forgetting to look up from the book and see what's in front of us.

ConfessionsOfaDrMom 5 pts

I agree, advice and knowing your options is important. Taking that along with your intuition and reading your child's cues...even better :)

Melissa is a pediatrcian, mom, and writer who candidly shares her adventures in parenting on her blog, Confessions of a Dr.Mom ( http://www.confessionsofadrmom.com/ ).

TheLazyChristian 5 pts

I'll admit that we read tons of pregnancy, labor and deliver, and parenting books before we had our son. Not everything worked perfectly, but a lot of things we read and tried worked well. My best friend is currently "winging it" with her newborn and won't ask for any advice OR read a book. She's getting frustrated that her son isn't sleeping well, but giving her advice is forbidden.

My thing is to know your options. There are a lot of methods out there for bringing up kids. You don't have to like them all, but if you don't know your options you don't have any options.

Rachel is a Christian, a mom, a wife, a blogger, and a lazy bum. Check her out at The Lazy Christian ( http://www.thelazychristian.com )!

ConfessionsOfaDrMom 5 pts

You are seriously so kind to me, thank you!

Melissa is a pediatrcian, mom, and writer who candidly shares her adventures in parenting on her blog, Confessions of a Dr.Mom ( http://www.confessionsofadrmom.com/ ).

pediatricsafety 5 pts

...as usual, you say what the rest of us are thinking :) ...and just in case you are wondering...YOU add sparkle to everything you do!

ConfessionsOfaDrMom 5 pts

I figure if it holds true for me, it must be sor so many moms out there. Thanks Liz :)

Melissa is a pediatrcian, mom, and writer who candidly shares her adventures in parenting on her blog, Confessions of a Dr.Mom ( http://www.confessionsofadrmom.com/ ).

ConfessionsOfaDrMom 5 pts

Wonderful comment Kimberly, thank you. I struggled with my first baby too until I came to this same realization. :)

Melissa is a pediatrcian, mom, and writer who candidly shares her adventures in parenting on her blog, Confessions of a Dr.Mom ( http://www.confessionsofadrmom.com/ ).

ConfessionsOfaDrMom 5 pts

Thank you Sarah! Advice is great, we just have to remember, like you said, to look to our children for the signals :)

Melissa is a pediatrcian, mom, and writer who candidly shares her adventures in parenting on her blog, Confessions of a Dr.Mom ( http://www.confessionsofadrmom.com/ ).

bellebeandog 5 pts

I think what I love most is the fact that you are a pediatrician and you are willing to share these feelings. That makes so many moms feel better!

Liz ( http://www.bellebeanchicagodog.com )

http://www.bellebeanchicagodog.com

http://twitter.com/bellebeandog

makemommygosomethingsomething 5 pts

I absolutely love this anaalogy. For me parenting came very hard. I ha postpartum depression and I was extremely concerned about doing everything by the book. I made lists that consisted of feeding times and diaper changes etc. Everything had to be done perfectly.
It took me a long time to realize that parenting isn't perfect. That'll not perfect. Learning to be flexible and listening to my heart about what I believe is right is the best thing I ever did.
Wonderful post.
Kimberly is a mom, wife and part time registered nurse. She writes the personal blog All Work And No Play Makes Mommy Go Something Something ( http://makemommygosomethingsomething.com )

Sarah at The Stroller Ballet 5 pts

What an excellent post! People are always willing to offer advice...but it's important to remember that sometimes a mother's intuition is the best guide. And we can't forget about looking to our children for signals. Well said!!

ConfessionsOfaDrMom 5 pts

Great advice Cheryl! It can be such a challenge at times to go against the grain even when our instincts are telling us to. You're an awesome mother and advocate for your child Cheryl. No regrets there. :)

Melissa is a pediatrcian, mom, and writer who candidly shares her adventures in parenting on her blog, Confessions of a Dr.Mom ( http://www.confessionsofadrmom.com/ ).

ConfessionsOfaDrMom 5 pts

I know, it's a double edged sword sometimes. The info is awesome to have, so convenient, but can cloud our judgement at times if we're not careful :)

Melissa is a pediatrcian, mom, and writer who candidly shares her adventures in parenting on her blog, Confessions of a Dr.Mom ( http://www.confessionsofadrmom.com/ ).

ConfessionsOfaDrMom 5 pts

Very well said Lori. Instincts are powerful and should never be ignored. Thanks so much for visiting me here!

Melissa is a pediatrcian, mom, and writer who candidly shares her adventures in parenting on her blog, Confessions of a Dr.Mom ( http://www.confessionsofadrmom.com/ ).

ConfessionsOfaDrMom 5 pts

That means a lot to me Sherri, thank you! Would love to have a cup of coffee with you anyday :)

Melissa is a pediatrcian, mom, and writer who candidly shares her adventures in parenting on her blog, Confessions of a Dr.Mom ( http://www.confessionsofadrmom.com/ ).

ConfessionsOfaDrMom 5 pts

Very true about each child being unique. Parenting is never one size fits all. Thank you so much for reading and supporting, I really appreciate it :)

Melissa is a pediatrcian, mom, and writer who candidly shares her adventures in parenting on her blog, Confessions of a Dr.Mom ( http://www.confessionsofadrmom.com/ ).

Cheryld 5 pts

You are so right, Melissa! I wish I ignored the GPS that kept telling me my daughter was fine, when my mothering instincts told me she wasn't! By not listening to my own instincts, my daughter's treatments for autism were delayed a year! That is something I'll always regret.

My one piece of advice to any new parent is to listen to your own instinct! Never question it!

in_mandyland 5 pts

My mom once told me, while I was in the middle of a melt down over conflicting advice, "It was a lot easier to be a parent before Google." She's right (don't tell her). Of course, I love the amount of information available at my fingertips and the large community of mothers that I've formed on line.

But sometimes? It would be easier without GPS. :)

ms_lorelei 5 pts

I wish many more of us would step away the books and the philosophies and look at what our kids do, say, need, communicate.

We all need a little instruction now and then, but so much can be done through connecting too.

They're called instincts for a reason. ;)

Lori, speech pathologist, writer, and business owner, blogs home-family-working-mom drama at In Pursuit of Martha Points. ( http://inpursuitofmarthapoints.com )

sherrikuhn 5 pts

Oh Melissa, this was one of my favorites of yours when I first read it. And to see if over here is awesome! Great advice for parents new and not so new. You have such a great way of writing that just makes me feel like we're having a cup of coffee and chatting.

Sherri blogs at Old Tweener ( http://www.oldtweener.blogspot.com/ ), where she writes about parenting and anything else that makes her laugh (or cry) while living in those years between changing diapers and wearing them.

Tim@sogeshirts 5 pts

Great post. I think trusting one's parental instincts and what is right for each individual child is definitely the way to go. Each kid is different and responds to things differently so going by the book may not be always effective.

ConfessionsOfaDrMom 5 pts

You said it perfectly. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment :)

Melissa is a pediatrcian, mom, and writer who candidly shares her adventures in parenting on her blog, Confessions of a Dr.Mom ( http://www.confessionsofadrmom.com/ ).

ConfessionsOfaDrMom 5 pts

Thanks so much Nichole! I have learned the hard way too that I need to pay attention to my instincts. XO

Melissa is a pediatrcian, mom, and writer who candidly shares her adventures in parenting on her blog, Confessions of a Dr.Mom ( http://www.confessionsofadrmom.com/ ).

ConfessionsOfaDrMom 5 pts

Thank you Cheryl! It is so comforting to see you here as my first comment. Thanks for the support :) XO

Melissa is a pediatrcian, mom, and writer who candidly shares her adventures in parenting on her blog, Confessions of a Dr.Mom ( http://www.confessionsofadrmom.com/ ).

2old2tap 5 pts

Oh Amen!
In this era of instant info, we forget.
We were given instinctive tools.

Great post!

Chole 5 pts

This is such a great post, Melissa.
You make such a great point about trusting our instincts. Every time I've ignored my gut, I have regretted it.

So happy to see you here!
Much love to you!

Nichole

in these small moments ( http://inthesesmallmoments.com/ )

Cheryl @ Mommypants 5 pts

This is such a great post, Melissa. It is so easy to become distracted by things and miss what's right in front of us. Thanks for the reminder, and so great to see you here!

xo

Mommypants ( http://www.mommypants.com/ )