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I was standing at the beach a few days ago in awe of the beauty of the rising sun, the colors, the water, the sand, and the birds. I felt deep appreciation for the creation of it all and suddenly I heard myself say “I love you” to the creation, and then in the next moment I felt a warm tingly feeling in my belly and heard myself say “I love you” to myself. There, just like that,“I love you” and the amazing thing is I felt it. Really felt it. It was the kind of love that warms your heart and gives you goose bumps all over your body, and suddenly your whole being feels warm and gooey.
I have to admit it took me a bit by surprised, kinda like a friend that sneaks up on you. There were no warning sign that morning at the beach that read “Careful Self-love ahead”, and no warning sound or bells. No,it was sudden and it felt beautiful.
It’s been a long time coming. There have been years of absolute drought in regards to real self-love. Of course I’ve tried to make it rain – many times as a matter of fact; I tried the good old “bubble bath and glass of red wine” – and don’t get me wrong I loved it and I really enjoyed treating myself to 30 minutes of listening to nice music, no phone, no interruptions, and I still love treating myself to that. I tried the splurging on a new dress, without feeling guilty because I really deserve it and after all it is a loving thing to do to buy myself that dress I really want, even if I can’t afford it. I tried the treating myself to a manicure and facial, because after all having nice nails and soft skin is very loving. Again all of that felt really good, well the dress felt good until I got the bill the next month and had to pay my credit card, but that’s another story. However all those outside fix-me attempts didn’t evoke the feeling of real love for myself. I do believe that the bubble bath, the wine, the new dress, the manicure, the facial were all steps – important steps on the journey that lead to that morning. Yet that morning I realized that it is not out there, in the bubble bath, or any of the other things – no it is inside. Real love is inside of me.
For me it has been a journey of becoming aware of myself, realizing how I’m feeling, noticing when I’m feeling sad, angry, scared and allowing myself to have those feelings. It’s taken me a few years to realize that if I don’t allow myself to have my feelings and thoughts no one else will. So now when I feel sad I allow myself to cry, when I’m happy I allow myself to laugh, when I feel scared I acknowledge that feeling. Anger is a tricky one, and I’m still learning to make friends with anger and discover how to feel anger and express it in a non-harming way. Express it for what it is – an em-motion, a feeling in motion. For the time being I’m giving myself loving “time-outs” when I feel angry to just allow myself to feel angry, without having to do or say anything. I figure I can ad the expressing at a later point. My boyfriend and family sure are appreciating my loving “anger time-outs”.
This noticing and becoming aware of myself has helped me become more authentic and express myself more real in my life and in my relationships with the people I care about. Allowing myself my feelings ,thoughts, wishes, hopes, angst, etc. has given me a lot of space from worrying about what others might think. I’ve also come to realize that others don’t spend half as much time thinking about me and what I’m doing than I thought, which has helped as well.
I’m not sure how I will feel tomorrow, because as I was walking home from the beach I noticed that I felt happy and content yet the strong ‘goose-bumps-all-over- the-body’ kinda feeling was gone. So I guess that’s part of loving myself too, allowing myself to be as I am in every moment and consciously bringing loving attention to myself - until self-love sneaks up on me again.
Daniela
Certified Dating & Relationship Coach, visit her website at
