How To Spot A Sick Chicken.

Thanks Michelle. I'm really not, "so unwell," though. What did I say that gave this impression? I think the tube in my brain and heart medications hint to problems perhaps more serious than mine. Really, I'm very active and require no further treatment. Medically speaking anyway. But as my med student friend said to me, "meds artificially putting you there doesn't count as health." I try to remember this when I feel awful. I shouldn't be content with treatment just because it has taken me out of danger. Doctors and others can minimize my situation all they want, but I've been through a lot and I continue to have symptoms and challenges. Surely that must count for something!

Talcott Parsons had a theory called the "sick role," that sick people are expected to fulfill certain social rights and obligations. If you do not adhere to these rights and obligations, you are considered deviant. For example, if you are sick, you are obligated to stay in bed. The "sick role" disturbs me because it implies that sick people only have needs based on their medical situation, that they don't require greater fulfillment  than to heal.

Your description of the "sick girl" identity made me think of that. Check it out! I love your blog.

I blog about my health and disability issues regularly at http://loveablehomebody.blogspot.com/

Sorry to hear you are so unwell. 

I think part of it is people trying to be nice, without really thinking what they are saying, and sometimes its a judgement call.  Just recently I went to my son's cricket final and was sicker than I have been in ages.  I wasn't just pale I was grey and had to be helped to stand up.  Since then people have been much more supportive.  It was like they finally had proof of how ill I am.  I'm not sure if it's a good thing yet.  I hate being "the sick girl".  It can easily become your only identity.  

I liked my chicken too.  When it came up it just fit so well and gave me a good giggle and you have to laugh. :)

My regular blog is Living With Bob ( http://bobisdysautonomia.blogspot.com/ ) which has more info about dysautonomia. 

Great points about people assuming that if an illness was severe, it would be visible. My friends are amazing. Almost everyone in my entire life always has been. Maybe it's because I have a tube in my brain, a malformation of my brain; I take two heart medications -- just to name a couple of my issues. If the severity of an issue isn't implied to people who lack knowledge, perhaps they are more likely to question the validity of your claims to illness? Ignorant, of course. And no excuse. It's disturbing that so many people make assumptions about how you're feeling/how healthy you are based on how you look and act. I'm so sorry you guys have lost friends over your issues.

Oh, and Michelle, I loved how you addressed perceptions of illness with the chicken! Illnesses and disabilities often seem to need markers of difference like canes or sick faces before they are taken seriously. And when they're taken seriously, pity often ensues!

I blog about my health and disability issues regularly at http://loveablehomebody.blogspot.com/

I have found that getting sick has lead to a culling of friendships.  There are some who get it and some who don't or just don't want to.  The friendships that last are sometimes the most unexpected and the greatest pleasure.  The ones I thought would be there through thick and thin have turned out to be the weakest.  I think developing an significant illness forces you to re-evaluate a lot of things in life.  As much as it hurt at the time I'm glad to have gotten rid of the dross or I would have wasted so much time and energy on them. 

People seem to think that if you are sick that you're going to be really obvious.  I guess they do expect the tattoo or something like that.  Honestly, I have almost given up on hanging out with friends because they have determined that since we're all young, we're all healthy.  I've tried explaining to them how illness works, but they never get it.  Maybe explaining it in terms of sick chickens will help them to understand it.

It's such a common problem regardless of what your 'invisible' illness is.  In many ways it's worse when you have a weird disorder, that is difficult to understand or explain.  If you say you have cancer people instantly understand how serious the situation is and woudn't say anything about appropriate levels of visible sickness.  I'm not quite sure why we have to justify being sick or level of illness.  No illness is good and comments like this take away the legitimacy of what you are experiencing.  When you already feel guilty about burdening your family or your self-image is already in the toilet due to the changes the illness brings you really don't need these comments. 

I don't know why it is that people find this such a difficult concept to grasp.

~Denise BlogHer Community Manager
Flamingo House Happenings ( http://www.flamingohouse.net/ )