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Welcome to Grown-up training. As you know, our goal here is to make you an adult.
Now that you've been in the program awhile, you're going to want to become a toddler. We can't promote just anyone to the title of toddler. You're going to have to walk. Toddle, as it were. And to do that, you're going to have to learn to stand.
I won't lie to you: it's going to be tough. You are going to fall down. But, our team of experts has compiled some tips that we are going to share with you to help you on your way.
The first thing you're going to want to do is pull up. We recommend that you move to precarious objects as quickly as possible. Is there a teetering stack of newspapers laying around? Pull up on that. The fact that is unstable will make you work harder and prepare you for real life. Your parents may think this is dangerous and try to stop you. Be sure to work on this while they are not looking.
Speaking of dangers, your parents will also try to protect you from things like table corners. They're afraid you'll poke an eye out. Well, we agree with you, that's stupid. You haven't poked an eye out yet have you? Those plastic bumpers will be a pain so pull them off whenever possible. One good thing we can say about them though: they make great teething toys. So, once you've dislodged them from their rightful corner, shove them quickly into your mouth.
Now, say you've gotten to a stand. Your mom is watching you. You start to totter. You're going to want to lessen your fall somehow so be sure to use her face to soften the blow. In fact, shove your hand right into her ear and yank on it for leverage as you fall. The fact that yout nails are sharp and need a trim only helps you gain a solid grip in her ear canal. This will likely cause her to holler but it will mean your cute tush hits the ground at about 0.001 miles an hour. No brainer, right?
If you follow these tips you should be standing on your own and walking within no time. Once you do that, come back and we'll give you your official Toddler badge.
And a guide on how to throw the perfect tantrum.
KLZ
