4 Tips to Spice Up Your Sex Life

Syndicated

Folding laundry, sweeping dirty floors and washing dinner plates in floaty-filled dishwater. Chores aren't sexy. Sex, too, can become a chore when it feels like a duty and we give up trying. It happens to all of us, and I've certainly had bouts of lackluster coitus. Usually, these periods occurred after I grew tired of repeatedly dancing the same horizontal tango with my partner. In all relationships, it's important to keep the connection invigorated. Slip out of old habits and vary sex techniques to become someone different.

Whether your current sex life is mildly R-rated or solidly NC-17, here are a few tips for experimenting in the bedroom and beyond.

Passionate couple kissing in bed



TALK DIRTY

Are you more likely to spend bedtime hours bouncing items on your To Do list through your head than bouncing on your mattress with your partner? If so, perhaps you and your bed buddy are taking each other for granted. I've often said loneliness isn’t the act of living by oneself, it’s what happens when you feel like your needs aren’t being met. Sex is a basic human need. When you report your desires to your partner, switch things up by getting dirty. Talk to your lover as if they've lost their sight -- graphically describing body parts and trysts in explicit detail until your verbal imagery evokes arousal.

ACT OUT YOUR SEXUAL FANTASIES


Though Halloween comes once each year, keep your partner cuming year-round by playing dress up games. Be a doctor to his patient, a school teacher to his pupil. Make your costume more titillating by including blindfolds, silk scarves, handcuffs, wigs or other sexy accoutrement. Feeling awkward or goofy will likely lessen your pleasure. Therefore, be sure to pick or role or outfit that feels comfortable to you. Don't forget: location, location, location. Consider christening your home's various rooms, flat surfaces and furniture.

HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE NEW

If you and your partner are sexually adventurous and you feel like you've "been there, done that," you may be ready to consider doing another person. Before deciding to invite an additional partner to your bedroom, point and click your way through various resources to collect a wide variety of opinions. Watch Dan and Jennifer's video Got What It Takes To Be Swingers? For additional insights on non-monogamous relationships, read Tristan Taormino's book Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships or Jenny Block's Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage. Online communities like AdultFriendFinder and swappernet.com may provide opportunities to field couples seeking ménage à trois (ou quatre!) opportunities.

EXPLORE BDSM COMMUNITIES

Bondage, dominance and submission (D/s) and sadomasochist sexual activities experiment with pain and power. For those interested in exploring the rougher side of sex, FetLife -- Facebook for the kinky crowd -- is an excellent resource.

Whether walking on the wild side or keep it mild, stepping outside your comfort zone can be scary. Whichever activities you choose, remember spicing up your sex life doesn't necessitate caving to pressure from your partner. Don't engage in sexual activities that make you feel uneasy. Keep lines of communication open and remember you have the right to change your mind during any step along the way. Have fun and enjoy!

 

--------------------------

Twanna A. Hines is a writer living in New York City. She writes about sex & relationships for the web, newspapers and print magazines. Her blog is FUNKY BROWN CHICK®, and she is finishing her debut memoir.

Recent Posts by funkybrownchick

Comments

In order to comment on BlogHer.com, you'll need to be logged in. You'll be given the option to log in or create an account when you publish your comment. If you do not log in or create an account, your comment will not be displayed.